Apparently Videogames Really Are Bad For Your Brain
by Nemesis13
Summary: Kirigaya Keiko was a fairly normal teenage girl, smarter than her classmates, a bit short tempered when she had to deal with concentrated idiocy, but for the most part, normal. The problem was her passion for gaming, and the desire to avoid all stereotypes involved with being a female gamer. So she always hid behind her male avatar Kirito, that is until SAO...thanks much Kayaba...
1. Klein

**So this was actually a challenge issued by a real life friend. Since I'm pretty well versed in writing Fem! variants of male protagonists and I actually enjoyed the first season of SAO why not try and create a different flavor of Kirito.**

 **Now SAO has become a polarizing topic, either you're in the camp of 'Kirito is Jesus-kun' or you're with 'And who is the self insert hero adding to his harem this week?'. I admit, after season two, I leaned towards the latter and lost interest in the show.**

 **So I figured, what's anti-harem material for a setting like this? Well simple, a straight female lead, will it stay that way? Hell if I know, this might just end up being a one shot, I couldn't sleep and this happened.**

 **So enjoy this Fem!Kirito tale, and please remember with the changed sex she isn't going to have all of male Kirito's social issues and personality quirks...she'll have her own wonderful neurosis to deal with. The first chapter is entirely from Klein's perspective, and if there is to be a chapter two it will be from Kirito's. As always, hope you enjoy and please review!**

 **EDIT-Shit, right, I directly quoted alot of Kayaba's speech but not all of it and there's a direct reference to the hilarious SAO Abridged from Klein, ok...I think that's it...**

* * *

Tsuboi Ryōtarō stared at the character hovering before him mulling over what to name his avatar, eventually he just shrugged and chose 'Klein'. Hitting 'Create Avatar' he couldn't help letting out a whoop as he sped past a kaleidoscope of colors before everything went dark.

Shaking his head he opened his eyes and muttered, "Whoa," as he took in his first sight of the starting city of Aincrad, and much to his embarrassment he couldn't help pumping his fist into the air whilst cheering. Glancing about the red haired man sighed in relief as he realized most people were reacting in a similar manner, lightly coughing into his hand he wandered over to a vendor to take a look at the weapons offered.

He was contemplating on grabbing a starting katana, wanting very much to role play a wandering ronin when a tall man that looked scruffy and a bit disreputable approached him.

"Word of advice, don't buy any of that 'Grey' quality crap this early in the game, I guarantee you'll loot something better off the boars outside the city after a few hours of grinding."

Klein took in the young man before throwing him a lopsided grin, "You wouldn't happen to be trying to draw me out of a safe zone to gank me would you?"

The dark haired man blinked a few times then broke out laughing, "Haha! For real? PvP at level one? I mean yeah it could be fun a few times around spamming our _two_ attacks, but I think I'd be better off grinding XP before the crowds get bored with staring at all the shineys and scour the area clean."

Klein snorted at that before pausing, "Say, you were in the beta test weren't you? Otherwise you wouldn't have known this starter gear was useless. I'm Klein by the way, would you mind giving me a few pointers?"

The man rolled his eyes as he accepted Klein's handshake, "So much for being wary of gankers, and yeah I was in the beta test. Name's Kirito, and sure I suppose it isn't that big of a deal, follow me."

As Kirito led Klein out of the city he pointed at roaming packs of blue furred red-eyed boars. "See those guys? They're none aggressive NPC's, hit them once and they'll aggro on you, otherwise they're harmless."

Klein nodded as he drew his short sword, "Right so pretty much like any other MMORPG starting area then." Kirito hummed his agreement as Klein charged one of the boars slashing it with his sword, jumping a few steps back he brandished the blade before him while yelling, "HA! Now you're facing the legendary-FUCK!" With a gasp Klein went flying backwards as the boar charged him directly in the crotch. Falling flat on his ass he began rolling around on the ground moaning in pain the entire time.

Eventually Kirito rolled his eyes for what felt like the tenth time today while giving Klein a gentle kick, "Come on man you can't _feel_ pain in this game, quit playing up the drama and get back up cause seriously, you were just bested by a _pig._ "

Grumbling Klein took to his feet while shooting the boar in question an anger laced glare, "No need to be a dick about it. Getting kicked in the balls hurts like nothing else, it's just an automatic reaction to groan in agony when it happens. You should know that, ugh... So how do I _not_ suck at this?"

Kirito shuffled uncomfortably a moment before speaking, "Right, totally know how that goes, and it sucks... anyway you need to do an initial skill motion. Think of it as a hotkey or a macro combo, start the initial attack motion and pause, you'll feel it activate and as long as you're staring at your target you'll always hit it. Well, unless they have a saving roll but that's not something we need to worry about now."

Klein nodded and approached the 'Demon Pig' as he had dubbed it before slashing his sword forward and briefly paused the motion, a moment later his blade glowed red and he charged the boar. As the creature vanished in a cascade of bright colors he received an info box explaining all the XP, Col, and Items he'd received.

Klein cheered happily as Kirito let out an amused laugh, "Well done, give it a few more goes it's best to let it become second nature." Klein did just that, as he practiced Kirito explained how leveling gained you new attacks and about the non-combat skills like tailoring and blacksmithing. It was when he mentioned the game had no magic that Klein stopped prancing around like a fool to shoot his companion a confused look.

"A fantasy RPG without magic? That's...ballsy I suppose, weird though."

Kirito shrugged and motioned for Klein to follow him towards a largish group of boars as he replied, "I'd agree with you but keep in mind how this _is_ the first Full Dive RPG available to the general public. They're probably saving it for the sequel."

Klein snorted, "Or DLC, I hate it when they do that."

Kirito laughed in turn, "Tell me about it, why I _usually_ hold off on buying new games for a month or two, SAO was simply an exception to my rule."

As they spent most of the afternoon slaughtering the local wildlife the sun began to set and Kirito paused their campaign of porcine genocide to stare out at the orange and gold sky.

Klein plopped down on the ground next to him sighing as he took in the skyline, "Beautiful, it's hard to believe it's just a game you know?"

Kirito smiled sadly at that before nodding, "Yeah, spent nearly every free moment in the beta logged in. My sister was _pretty_ upset with me for skipping so many kendo lessons since apparently ' _But this is SAO!_ ' wasn't a good excuse. She didn't understand, just called it a stupid game and made me promise I'd make up for it. Which I did and all buuut looks like we're back to square one now."

Klein's eyebrows rose at this, "Sister eh? She single?" Kirito shot him a withering glare that had Klein scratching the back of his head sheepishly, for the thirty-seventh time since meeting the redhead Kirito simply rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"Klein she's thirteen," the man blanched turning a bit green causing Kirito to giggle, Klein ignored that oddity as he shook his head in denial.

"Oh god man I am so sorry, I'm so not a lolicon for real." He paused a moment looking contemplative before continuing, "Wait if your sister is thirteen how old are you?" Kirito coughed and mumbled causing Klein to quirk a single brow, he was secretly very pleased with this since he couldn't actually pull that off in the real world. "I didn't catch that Kirito."

The man in question sighed in exasperation as he threw his hands in the air, "I'm still in high school, can we just leave it at that?"

Klein laughed good naturedly as he sat up off the ground, "Of course man, you forget that I nearly hit on your jail bait sister and I'll forget that a kid completely schooled me at this game."

"Not a kid..." Kirito muttered before he coughed once again, "Right, anyway you wanna get going? Plenty more innocent critters begging for a short and painful death out there."

Klein snorted at Kirito's attempt to change the subject before letting out a dejected sigh, "I'd love to man really. Unfortunately I kinda skipped lunch and I'm getting pretty hungry."

Kirito 'hmmd' at that, "Yeah, pity eating in the game only makes you _think_ you aren't hungry, the real world is such an inconvenience."

"Too true," Klein agreed. "Luckily I had the forethought to order a pizza to be delivered at 5:30, so I can pretty much chow down and be logged back on in a half hour."

"Damn I should have thought of that," Kirito muttered under his breath, "Moms probably not home yet and Suguha's cooking was banned under the Geneva Conventions..."

Klein just shook his head as he patted Kirito's shoulder, "So hey after I eat I'm hooking up with a few friends from another game and actually attempting to make some headway with them. I'll look like the big man on campus because of your help so I'm sure they wouldn't mind if you came along. That is if you want to?"

Kirito furrowed his brow a bit before shrugging, "Couldn't hurt I suppose. While we'd take a bit of an XP cut in a group we could definitely complete quests faster, and with the crap refresh rate after completion it would probably be a benefit."

"Sweet!" Klein stated while sending Kirito a friend request, accepting it they fist bumped and Klein opened the logout menu. Frowning he worried his lip before turning back to his new friend, "Err...Kirito, I can't log out..."

Kirito's expression basically screamed, 'Really?'

Sighing Klein gestured towards his screen, "I mean there isn't a logout icon, don't look at me like I'm a freaking noob. Inexperienced with NerveGear, not retarded."

Looking curious himself Kirito opened his own menu and after a moment his brow furrowed in confusion, "Well...that isn't right..." Klein rolled his eyes as he grabbed the sides of his head jerking his hands up, Kirito watched his antics for a solid thirty seconds before letting out a weary sigh. "What exactly are you trying to do?

"Remove the NerveGear obviously, it's 5:25 and the Game Moderators aren't responding to my reports sooo..."

Kirito tilted his head to the side slightly, "You really didn't research the equipment very well did you? It disables motor functions, my money is on it being a way to deny liability if some moron wanders off a flight of stairs...still I wonder what's going on? Nothing like this ever happened in the beta and trust me, it could get pretty buggy in the beginning."

Klein was about to respond when they were surrounded by glowing blue lights and suddenly found themselves back in the starting city, looking about in confusion he turned to Kirito who looked equally perplexed.

"Oh I have a bad feeling about this..." Kirito groaned out, a moment later the sky broke apart into countless glowing red hexagons...then it began bleeding.

"Kirito...next time you feel the urge to say that, please keep it to yourself."

"...Roger that..."

As the blood coalesced into a giant robed figure the grand majority of the gathered players simply stood their in shocked silence.

"Attention, players, I welcome you to _My_ world. My name is Akihiko Kayaba and as of this moment I am the only person able to control this world"

"Ah...crap..." Kirito muttered, Klein patted the younger player on the shoulder reassuringly as the figure continued speaking.

"I'm sure you've already noticed that the logout button is missing from your main menu. Let me reassure you, this is not a defect in the game."

"Not reassuring at all, actually," Kirito muttered starting to panic. Klein didn't blame him in the slightest, he'd seen plenty of science fiction movies that had a similar premise, and they never ended well for anyone involved.

"Let me repeat, this is not a defect in the game," Kayaba continued. "This is actually a feature of Sword Art Online, you can no longer logout on your own free will."

Kirito let out a slight whimper that had Klein's brows raise a bit but he said nothing to the young man as he tuned back into what was hopefully a tasteless prank hovering above them.

"Nor can anyone else allow you to escape, and if they try to remove the NerveGear, a microwave transmitter inside the Gear will fry your brain."

Panic was setting in around them, Klein turned to Kirito taking in his friends panicked visage, "He's...he's full of it right? That can't really happen, can it?"

Kirito turned to Klein and met his gaze evenly, "Yes, it can, the NerveGear functions by sending out microwave signals to your brain, they're harmless with the safety on...with the safety off..."

Klein turned back to the hooded figure while hissing out, "Fuck."

"Despite my warning the friends and families of several players have attempted to remove the NerveGear, an unfortunate decision to say the least. As a result, the game now has 213 less players then it did before."

Kirito had switched from morose panic to fiery rage at that, "That sick bastard arranged for family and friends to kill their loved ones?! Oh...oh you mother..." Klein gulped a bit at that, suddenly very glad he was a bachelor that lived alone.

The madman went into depth about the news coverage, the very real deaths, and the likelihood of anyone trying to remove further NerveGear units being quite small, when he finally got to the crux of the matter.

"There is no longer a recovery system in the game, if your HP drops to zero your avatar will be deleted from the system permanently, and soon after your NerveGear will kill your brain."

"If I were physically capable of it at the moment I do believe I'd probably be throwing up right now," Kirito muttered.

"There is only one way to escape now, you must clear the game," Klein was drawn from his petrified shock at that declaration, beat an MMORPG? Really? Could you even do that? Once again Kayaba went into detail about how they were currently on level one and had to work their way up to level one hundred to clear the game.

No problem...Kirito and the other beta testers only took _three months_ to make it to Floor Eight...They were so screwed...

"Last but not least, I placed a little present in the item storage of every player, take a look." Almost as if they were collectively hypnotized the gathered players did just that. Klein once again performed a nifty single eyebrow raise as he looked at the item labeled 'Mirror' and tapped it.

Staring at the small mirror that landed in his hand Klein gazed into it, his reflection looking rather unimpressed when he was enveloped in a blue light. He clearly heard Kirito yell out to him in fear but just as quickly as it appeared the light faded.

Shaking his head he approached Kirito who was currently turned away from him, oddly enough his hair now fell to the middle of his back and he was an awful lot shorter then he was before. Dropping a hand to his friends shoulder he shook him gently, "Hey Kirito are you all right?"

To his complete and utter shock a pretty teenage girl turned to stare up at him, she seemed to be confused for a few moments before focusing in on his red headband.

"Klein?" She asked in confusion, he gladly returned the favor.

"Kirito? You're a girl!?" The man...woman...teenage girl that he'd spent the better part of the day hanging out with let her shoulders slump.

"Oh hell...Suguha is going to kill me..."

* * *

 **I'm sure there is typos, but Nem is now very tired, nighters all, please review if you want more.**


	2. Kirito

**So question, should I gender flip Asuna? I don't actually want to, I kinda like the idea of her becoming Kirito's partner and best friend, still kind of solo players they just have each others backs.**

 **Anyway I guess this isn't a oneshot anymore, huzzah! Now I really have no idea what Klein's profession is but the way he's constantly trying to look after people and his natural leadership skills despite being a goof screamed 'teacher' to me. So that's what he is, haven't decided _what_ he teaches but meh...**

 **Anyway, I'm rambling, do enjoy and please, REVIEW!**

* * *

"Oh hell...Suguha is going to kill me..."

She really was, her little sister had made it very clear that if Keiko stayed logged in for too long she was going to tear the NerveGear from her head and force her to spend time with her. It was just a good natured threat, like so many others but now...well shit...

Glancing past the now thoroughly befuddled Klein Kirito eyed the various windows still floating around the monologueing Kayaba, who seemed to be going out of his way to twirl his nonexistent mustache at the moment.

Kirito's thoughts froze when she saw one of the news feeds, her mom and Suguha crying as her comatose body was being carted away into an ambulance. She didn't really know what exactly to feel at that moment in all honestly.

Rage? Yeah, bit of that for sure, it was her little gaming habit that made her family despair like that.

Frustration? Bit of that too, because frankly beating an MMO? Really? The fuck Kayaba? This was going to take _years_! Oh god...the shear amount of physical therapy that was going to be needed to get her free runner body back into shape...ugh...

Mostly though, she felt relief, because that little image, while distressing, proved no one was pulling the plug on her which meant she had a chance to get out of this mess alive. Glancing to the still bewildered Klein Kirito narrowed her eyes as she grabbed his hand and jerkily pulled him behind her as she made her way for the side streets leading to the west exit.

As determined as she felt at the moment she couldn't help smirking when she saw a gangly guy and a fat man crying about one not being a girl and the other not being fifteen. Her little cross dressing stint really wouldn't hurt her reputation much, but those two?

Heh, ok, she was a bit of a bitch, so what.

Coming to a stop away from the crowd Kirito crossed her arms across her chest and let out a tired huff before meeting Klein's expectant gaze.

"Yeah, I'm a girl, and before you ask why I rolled a male avatar it is for multiple reasons, first I'm just going to ask you a simple question that may clarify things. If I had been honest about my sex and age, would you have been nearly as forward and friendly?

Klein shifted nervously a moment before letting out a sigh, "Nah, probably wouldn't have even talked to you, I'm a teacher in the real world so I likely would have just seen you as one of my students and moved along."

Kirito raised a brow at that, "If you're a teacher why the hell did your avatar look like 'probable cause' on two legs?"

Klein looked mildly affronted at that, "What do you mean?"

Kirito rolled her eyes as she drawled out her reply, "I mean your old avatar looks like you were ready to play 'Uncle Touchies Naked Feel-A-Long' which is kinda distressing I admit. At least real world you looks handsome, really need to do something about the facial hair though."

Klein stared at her blankly a moment before breaking out into laughter, he stayed like that a few moments before getting a hold of himself still chuckling lightly.

"Oh, oh good god am I glad your personality didn't change," she pouted at that a bit which only caused him to grin wider. "Look my avatar was as close as I could get it to my character from Galaxy of Starcraft and you know how limited your choices were in that game."

She did, great game, her Ghost was seriously one of the more fun classes she'd played but the avatar choices sucked. Nodding once she began walking as she gave him a casual wave to follow.

"Fair enough, look we need to get leveled as fast as possible and blitz through as many quests as we can. This game is a closed economy which means there is only so much money and gear available especially since we're locked on the first floor for now. We need to head to Horunka village, it's the closest quest hub and we can get a sword that'll last us to the beginning of the third floor, and if we're lucky we'll be the first ones there."

Klein slowed down and began scratching the back of his head sheepishly which only caused Kirito to groan in frustration, they didn't have time for this!

"Look um, those friends I was telling you about? They're trapped in here too, I can't just leave them on their own but...you're welcome to come along if you want.

Really? Really? REALLY?!

"Klein," she began slowly, "I'm totally jazzed that you're so loyal to your friends but please remember something ok?"

Klein's brow furrowed a bit as he asked, "What?"

Stepping forward she reached up and grabbed the sides of his head shaking it thoroughly as she dragged his face mere inches from her own. She had the distinct impression she had a mad glint in her eyes because Klein looked near terrified at the moment.

"We. Are. All. Likely. Going. To. DIE! This isn't a game anymore Klein we need an edge to survive! We need to get money, get gear, and get it before anyone else does! Tell your friends you'll be back tomorrow or the next day and you'll have all the col you need to buy them starting gear and you'll have a badass sword to boot! I can do this with or without you but good god damn I am not letting anyone slow me down! I am going to get out of this game, I am going to go back to my boring life, and I'm going to get bitched out by my little sister for nearly getting killed by one of my 'stupid games' and I'm going to love every second of it! DO I MAKE MYSELF CLEAR!?"

Klein blinked a few times before gently pulling the now hyperventilating girl's hands from his head as he stood up cocking a brow, "You are quite possibly the most terrifying teenage girl I've ever encountered in my life. Kudos...look...how long do you think this would take?"

Seeing that he was listening now she rolled her eyes towards the sky as she tapped a finger on her chin thinking quickly, "Well, if we need to go back and get your friends and level them enough to _not_ be little more then my personal meat shields we at the very least need to complete 'Secret Medicine of the Forest'. We can pick up a half dozen fetch and bounty quests that we can complete at the same time, sooo...hmm... If we leave _now_ , a day."

Klein stared at her a few moments then nodded as he opened his menu, "Lets go then," he said as she began walking. He followed as he composed the messages to his friends, when done he sent them and sighed deeply, "Hope you know what you're doing Kirito."

She grinned wickedly at that, "Hey I wasn't the top ranked beta tester for nothing, we get ourselves geared out, then we help anyone else along the way because frankly we'll need them."

Klein snorted at that as he began matching her increased pace and soon they were flat out running into the fields outside of the city, "Didn't take you for the extremely charitable type."

Long hair billowing behind her Kirito laughed in return, "I'm not, but we're not going to be in this game forever, and wouldn't it be nice for all these people to remember you as the one who helped them survive a death game?"

Klein's eyes widened a moment before shaking his head in befuddlement, "Christ, you're _networking_?!"

Slicing her sword through a boar that had gotten in her way Kirito laughed again, "Would you rather me be a broody introvert?"

Klein smiled as he followed her actions taking out a passing boar with ease, "Nah, you're way more entertaining like this."

The pair remained silent after that as they sprinted across the field, only stopping to let their strength return, and as twilight fell they approached the outskirts of Horunka village. Entering the village proper Kirito guided Klein to the tavern and once inside gestured towards the barkeep.

"This guy will sell you low level healing items, sell your trash loot to him and grab what you can, oh and if you fiddle with your morality settings in the menu you can actually get drunk off the booze. Just...don't do that until after we're done questing."

Klein chuckled at that as he approached the NPC and began his trade, "You don't strike me as the delinquent type Kirito, how do you know about that?"

She giggled a bit at that as she plopped onto the bar stool next to his, "My friend Argo made a bet with me that I lost, so I had to down a dozen drinks with my settings off. It was...fun I guess, not exactly something I'd do often but I get why people enjoy it. Plus side is there's no hangovers in the game, hopefully I'll never actually have to experience one of those in the real world..."

Klein snickered at that as he walked away from the NPC to allow Kirito to sell her own trash loot, "You say that but once you get to university I guarantee you're going to have that one friend who insists you have a drink with them to 'relax'. One drink leads to two, two to three, and next thing you know you wake up in the morning with your mouth tasting like an ashtray and wondering why you're in a tree."

Kirito paused her sale to turn around slowly to stare at her companion incredulously, he laughed and patted her shoulder lightly, "Oh god the look on your face is adorable."

She pouted again and turned back to the vendor while letting out a vexxed sigh, "I am not adorable..."

"Nope, totes are, sorry honey, on the plus side you got big brother Klein to keep away all the nasty pervs that may harass you."

Kirito finished her transaction as she headed for the door, "I may actually take you up on that, one of the myriad of reasons I rolled a male avatar was to avoid getting harassed, get enough of that in the real world thanks." Exiting the bar the duo approached the house that would net them the medicine quest and were soon on their way into the dark forest.

"That...the sick kid? That all felt real," Klein said looking a bit worried, Kirito glanced over at the ginger and shrugged slightly as she gently swung her sword at her side.

"I know, best not to think about it, what gets really disconcerting is after you complete the quest and come back to have it reset for the next player. It gets a bit jarring at times."

Soon they ran into their first monster, a 'Little Nepenth', Klein stared at the creature a few moments before letting out a disgusted grunt. "That has got to be one of the most disturbing things I've ever seen," Kirito only nodded in agreement as she separated from Klein to flank the plant monster.

"Yeah, I get some serious 'tentacle monster' vibes from these things, and as a school girl? Not cool. Now I'm gonna draw its attention, when its focused on me hit it in the back, they don't have eyes so as long as you're fast it won't sense you until its too late."

"Right-o," Klein said and so they got to work, after killing fifteen of the damn things Klein got a bit frustrated. "How many of these freaking things do we have to kill in order to get that ovule?"

Kirito grimaced as she downed a bit of water, letting out a satisfied sigh she shot her friend a knowing look, "We have to keep on killing these things in order to get a flowering one to spawn, I know its a pain in the ass." Eyes widening she slapped her forehead in annoyance before quickly continuing, "Crap I forgot. If you see one spawn with a giant red fruit on its head don't attack it, its a trap and we'll likely die as it'll draw all the monsters in the area to us."

Klein blinked then scratched his head in frustration, "Kirito please next time remember things like that, I likely would have thought it was a weak point..."

Feeling chagrined and rather angry with herself she nodded quickly, "Right right."

Ten minutes later they were still slaughtering the local flora when they heard someone cough behind them, turning around the duo met a young mans smiling face as he waved to them sheepishly.

"Hey, doing the 'Secret Medicine of the Forest' quest right? I'm Coper, mind if we work together?"

The friends exchanged a look then shrugged, "Sure," Kirito said as she turned back to the next monster. More the merrier, right?

* * *

 _ ***Bum bum BUUUUUUM!***_


	3. Was it worth it, Coper?

**Special thanks to Lady Lily Anne for helping me flesh out Fem!Kirito's past. As an aside, Asuna shall remain female and be BFF and partner to Kirito. Please review!**

* * *

Coper wasn't a talker, which really didn't surprise Kirito all that much if she were to be honest with herself. If he'd come out here on his own he was likely a beta tester, and chances were their kind were not going to be looked upon fondly in the near future.

Luckily, Kirito didn't actually give a damn what most people thought about her so she just continued murdering tentacle rape monsters alongside her redheaded friend as he rambled on about Star Wars of all the Gods be damned things.

"Don't get me wrong," Klein stated as his sword stabbed through what was likely his three dozenth 'Little Nepenth', "Rey's a great protagonist, she just doesn't have the life that the Legends universe gave Jaina and Jacen." Coper finally showed some emotion by letting out a frustrated growl as the monster he had just slain dissolved into flashes of light swirling around him.

"Are you telling me you actually _prefer_ the absolutely bat shit insane Legends universe to the revamps?" At this he poked the bridge of his nose as if to push up eyeglasses that were not there, much like Kirito tended to but she actually managed to stop the impulse for the most part.

Damn did she hate those things, especially since more than one pervert told her they made her look like a sexy librarian. She was _fourteen_ for crying out loud!

"Dude!" Klein exclaimed as he slammed his sword into the ground, leaning against it for support as he crossed his arms. "Seriously all they did was rehash the original trilogy while throwing away thirty years of backstory! And they killed Han! Han was a badass! How could they have killed Han?!"

Coper rolled his eyes at that as he turned to the newest respawn, "Because Harrison Ford is as decrepit as an old man can get without being dead and they didn't want to pay his insurance for the later movies?"

Kirito actually snickered at that as she slaughtered yet another horrible plant rape monster, unrelated note she really should stop naming opponents after the first thing that pops in her head. She blamed said ill thought out names on the doujinshis floating around her school that she had unfortunately failed to resist reading.

Curiosity and cats as they say.

"He's got a point there you know. Don't get me wrong, I love Indiana Jones but holy shit man, he did not age well." Klein growled a bit but before he could offer a rebuke he let out a choked gasp as a newly spawned 'Little Nepenth' nearly took his head off, Kirito sighed as she cleaved it in half saving her somewhat belligerent friend from his newest near death experience.

"Thanks kiddo...that was close," Klein muttered as Kirito simply shrugged in turn. The trio took the limited breather waiting for respawns to down water and healing potions, eventually Coper turned his gaze to the female of the group.

"You fight well, fluidly, and it isn't just the system enhancing your movements." It was a statement, not a question, shrugging Kirito swung her blade a bit before nodding as she glared at the empty field surrounding them.

"You're looking at the unofficial regional kendo champion gentleman, been practicing the art since I was seven when my bast-...wonderful grandfather forced a blade in my hands and ordered me to defend myself against him."

Coper simply cocked a brow at her slip, Klein though didn't suffer from such inhibitions as 'being polite' so he let out an incredulous, "Holy shit..."

Snickering Kirito nodded slowly as she began stalking the newest respawn, "Yeah, ok story time. Coper you wouldn't have gotten a read on it yet but Klein probably has. I don't like attention from large groups or individuals, like at all."

Klein snorted at that as he baited her target to charge at him and deflected the blow as Kirito rushed it from behind stabbing it in the back, "No shit, cute girls rarely roll grungy looking guys as their avatars if they want people to shower them with attention."

As the monster erupted into polygons Kirito nodded quickly, "Right, anyway we were having semi-finals during the regional kendo tournament, my little sister Suguha and I ended up facing each other at the end. I won, barely, but the thing was I had no desire to participate in the championship. Me and crowds that size? Hell no. Suguha realized this so when I forfeited she accepted the nomination like a good sport instead of looking at it as a hand out."

Coper slayed a 'Little Nepenth while nodding, "She sounds like she has a sound head on her shoulders, or at the very least understands her sister."

Kirito grinned at that as she wiped her brow clear of sweat with her already soaked through sleeve, "Yup! Anyway, little sis goes to the regionals and wipes the floor with the competition rather handidly. So about a week later I'm in the dojo practicing in full gear when the guy she beat for the title shows up screaming out our family name demanding a rematch."

She snickered at that rolling her eyes to the sky as she readied her stance for the next respawn. "I step forward, quite automatically mind you, and ready myself for a fight. Next thing I know this idiot charges me and I take him apart in less than thirty seconds, not really sure what the hell happened but it wasn't a real fight for sure.

"The guy starts screaming, stomping about like a child demanding I give his honor back, after a few minutes of this it stops being funny and I get bored. Eventually I just shrug and turn to leave, as I enter the locker room there's Suguha, tears of pride gathering at the corners of her eyes before she snaps and wraps her arms around me declaring me the best big sister ever."

Kirito snorted at that as she approached Klein offering him a canteen, "Long story made short, I beat Suguha but bowed out for the finals, but we both ended up wiping the floor with the runner up so I'm technically the winner but regardless little sis is a badass."

Coper chuckled at that as he ran a hand through his sweat stained hair, "Well we're lucky to have you in our group then aren't we?"

Kirito smiled blandly at that as she turned her gaze towards Coper and paused, "About goddamn time!" Both males turned to follow her gaze and a moment later locked onto a 'Little Nepenth' with a flower on its head.

"Good god that took too long...and we still need two more...lets gets this over with," Klein groaned. Nodding Kirito approached the newly spawned group of mobs and turned to address Coper.

"OK I want you to...Coper?" Her eyes widened in confusion as the young man approached another group of Nepenths, he turned towards Kirito locking his sorrowful gaze upon hers, and muttered "I'm sorry," as his sword lashed out and cleaved through the red fruit jiggling about the head of the monster nearest him.

"No..." Was all she could manage in a strangled gasp as Coper faded from view. Suddenly, as the ruptured fruit did what it was supposed to, she and Klein were swarmed with all the newly respawned 'Little Nepenths' in the area.

"FUCK!" Klein screamed as he began swinging his blade about as if it was a butchers cleaver, trying to clip as many of the monsters as possible as he backed up to Kirito who had just regained her senses.

"Why?!" She screamed, as she brutally stabbed one of the monsters, glancing over her shoulder she deflected a blow that would have connected with Klein's head a moment later as he just as quickly slipped past her guard to knock back one that was about to lash her from the side.

"Does it matter?!" He growled out as he grabbed the younger girl and pulled her to his side, she glanced to where Coper had vanished and gasped loudly.

"Coper you moron! The 'Hide' skill only works on sight checks, these things operate on scent!" Before she could do anything a half dozen 'Little Nepenths', including a newly spawned flowered one, rushed towards the bushes their erstwhile ally was hiding in.

"Oh, Oh god no, STAY AW-!" Coper's terrified cry was cut off at the sound of shattered glass and the flash of fluttering light, closing her eyes Kirito turned back to Klein and felt something she hadn't before. A burning, seething desire to survive, and so with a roar, she charged forward.

A rather harried time later the pair stumbled from the forest, neither really functioning on terms one would label 'coherently', but they were alive and just with it enough to follow the compass back to town.

Yay them.

Leaning against each other they wandered back into Horunka village and found themselves in the tavern once again, not even thinking about it Kirito showed Klein how to disable the morality function and soon both were deep in their cups.

Klein for his part didn't know what to think, he had liked Coper, sure he hadn't spoken much but he seemed a decent sort...then...then he'd just left them to die so he could collect the quest item.

A. Quest. Item.

A collection of 1s and 0s and some snot nosed kid had tried to murder him and Kirito over it, he just didn't know how to handle this other than through a large amount of alcohol.

Kirito was in a similar mindset for different reasons though. Coper had been kind, cordial, and pleasant to look at, she'd actually considered adding him to her friends list when they were done with the quest, get to know him a bit better as she quested.

And he had arranged her murder.

That was what ran through her mind as she swallowed another mouthful of the bitter swill that passed for beer around here, someone had tried to kill her and Klein.

For an item they were willing to help him grind for.

Shuddering she demanded another drink and ignored the tears forming at the corners of her eyes, refusing to acknowledge those signs of weakness as she tried to bleach her mind of the days events.

It didn't work, after a time she was drunk and emotional rather than just emotional, shoulders shaking she dropped her head into her crossed arms and began sobbing uncontrollably.

She'd liked Coper, and he'd tried to murder her...it...she just couldn't comprehend it, it was too much too soon.

Why? What did he have to gain other then to get an item a few minutes earlier? It...it didn't make any goddamn sense! She lifted her head to shakily take another sip of her beer when the drink was knocked away by a leather clad hand, turning to glare at her companion her rage was quelled as she looked upon Klein's suddenly dead serious visage.

He kept their gazes locked a few moments before he shook his head and scooped her into a bridal carry earning him an surprised and rather enraged shriek as he turned towards the stairs leading to the room they had rented.

"Put me down you ginger prat! I need to be drinkier...drunkier...put me the hell down so I can have booze!"

Klein sighed at that as he rolled his eyes to the ceiling, "Not happening princess, you're drunk, distraught, and most importantly, pissed off. You're gonna sleep this off and we're gonna start fresh tomorrow, you'll thank me in the morning."

Still squirming in weak resistance Klein carried her into the room then rather unceremoniously dropped her on the bed as he kept walking to the couch. Plopping down on said furniture he kicked his legs up on the table while muttering 'Lights off'.

A moment later the room was lost in darkness and the young man tried to force himself to sleep, doing his level best to ignore the fact that he'd likely be dead today if it hadn't been for a teenage girl with an attitude problem.

He sat there for a few minutes before he heard a huffing noise, eventually he felt a weight land next to him that soon wormed up to his side, a moment later he had a head of soft hair resting on his chest.

"I hate you," Kirito muttered as she pulled a blanket over them.

Klein rolled his eyes again as he threw an arm around her shoulders, "No you don't."

Relaxing fully into his side she eventually nodded, "No I don't." They remained silent for a time before she let out a tired sigh, "Today sucked."

Klein responded with an exhausted laugh as he let his head drop back, "Fuck did it ever...talk to you tomorrow Kirito..."

She remained silent for a time, before muttering, "Keiko...my names Keiko..." and before he could reply, she was snoring.

* * *

 **I view Klein as adorkably protective and scarily competent at the same time when it comes to Fem!Kirito, hope you enjoyed!**


	4. Suguha

**Once again, special thanks to Lady Lily Anne for helping me bat about ideas. This one was something I'd been hemming and hawing on since I use to play a shit ton of MMO's back when I was married to that horrible...right. Anyway streaming live play from a specific player isn't anything new, and something tells me that it would be even easier in 2022 C.E. so that's the route I took on this. I actually haven't really delved into SAO fanfics like...ever (SAO Abridged is my head-canon regardless) so if this ideas been used I didn't steal it intentionally, it just made sense to me.**

 **Anywho, please review!**

* * *

Lieutenant Colonel Kikuoka Seijirō leaned back into his rather luxurious chair as he rested his chin upon his steepled fingers staring at the email before him. He understood his orders and was aware he really had no say in them despite his reservations, but this just seemed wrong, and an extreme violation of privacy at best.

Truthfully when he'd accepted his undercover assignment at the Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications Division, or as it was being colloquially called these days the 'Virtual Division', he'd expected boredom and paper pushing, and little else. The military's interest in VR technology was a no brainer and he was the perfect man to wheedle his way into the bureaucracy that would one day oversee it.

Then _it_ happened, ten thousand innocents locked into a death game by a megalomaniac and damn near 1500 of them were now dead less than a month later. Sighing he removed his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose as he let his composure slip a bit at his next thoughts, not really liking where they were going.

When he'd done some digging, he'd found a live feed broadcasting to multiple WiFi nodes and once he had tracked it down he discovered something rather interesting. Kyaba, for reasons only he could fathom was keeping tabs on the top rated beta tester and left the line unencrypted, meaning the government had at least one avenue to view what the hell was going on in the world of Aincrad.

The only issue? The beta tester in question was a fourteen year old girl with a _massive_ chip on her shoulder when it came to her place in society; in fact it was fairly clear the if she hadn't been a natural genius with a low tolerance for idiocy she'd likely be a yanki. If she _had_ been he'd probably be able to ignore these orders and pull some bureaucratic bullshit out of thin air and prevent anything ever coming of this.

But she wasn't a yanki, in fact she'd taken a major leadership role that had the brass paying extreme attention to her as she trained her fellow players on how to survive in their new environment. She was sassy, snarky, mildly belligerent, and a born leader on top of being a budding beauty, people listened when she spoke and his division had already credited her for keeping at least a hundred players alive as of last week.

To top it off? She was pushing herself to her mental limits, after training she'd slink off on her own or with that friend of hers, Klein, and grind her level operating on loosely four hours of sleep daily. The borderline fatigue her personal training was pushing her to was worrying, yet she somehow managed to avoid a mental break which was impressive to say the least. So rather ironically despite her rather vehement protests she was actually proving herself to be quite the proper Japanese, living to work and pushing forward to perfection at all costs.

That's what his bosses saw anyway, what he saw was a somewhat terrified teenage girl with the aggression of a warrior and the mind of a genius taking the only route she could to get the hell out of that virtual prison. She was keeping people alive because she needed them, she was pushing herself so she could be stronger and surive, she was drawing attention to herself solely so her fellow players wouldn't lose all hope and keep pushing forward. She was selfish, but in a way that was inspiring.

Yet he dare not say these thoughts out loud, once again his bosses had their own opinions and he wasn't paid to give his, just the data, and so here he found himself once again having to relay orders he didn't agree with.

There was nothing for it, but...well at the very least he could tell her family so it wasn't such a shock to them, and it might earn him some long term endearment from the girl when she got out of the game. That was a good idea actually...something told him he and Kirigaya Keiko were going to be working together in the future, and it was best to put a good impression forth with the people she loved.

* * *

Kirigaya Suguha felt like she was in a waking dream, or rather a nightmare. Ever since her big sister had been taken away to be watched over while trapped in the death game she'd felt like she'd been set adrift without a rudder, and she didn't quite know what to do about it.

Keiko had been her rock for so long, while her father rarely bothered making an appearance, and their overworked mother did her best to support them, her big sister was always there to keep her life stable. If it was randomly grabbing Suguha for a bit of kendo practice, trying to get her to at least attempt playing a game, or just surprising her with a homemade meal, her big sister was always there to fill the void.

And now she wasn't there, and she may never be again...

Sighing as she entered Keiko's room for the third time today Suguha flicked the lights on and took it all in, a Kill Bill Volume 1 poster, a cork board covered in notes and references she couldn't follow, and shelves lined with various books and disks.

Turning to the desk she could only glare at Keiko's custom computer and the various game systems haphazardly hooked to each other, more then a few random plushies scattered along their tops along with empty snack wrappers. Approaching the main monitor Suguha couldn't help snorting as she observed the dozens of overlapping water ring stains upon the desks surface as she snatched up Keiko's glasses, that girl drank far too many energy drinks for someone so young.

Putting the glasses on she pushed them up her nose and glanced at the mirror hanging off the back of the door, staring at her reflection a few moments she eventually sighed and removed the spectacles as she hastily wiped away newly formed tears.

Damn did she miss her big sister. The house, school, and her life was just too quiet without her barging into it to complain about the newest patch nerfing her build or...or whatever had her irritated that day. To think that Keiko's behavior use to annoy Suguha...irony at its best really...

"Suguha, please come downstairs we have a guest!" her mother yelled. Sighing Suguha reverently placed Keiko's glasses back on the desk and turned off the lights as she made her way to the stairs.

Making her way down she nodded to her mother politely, "Here mom, what's going on?" Their guest was a tall man with square glasses and the stance of someone who was comfortable with his own body, a sort of relaxed tenseness if that made any sort of sense.

Frankly, he reminded her of Keiko before a spar, which was interesting in on itself.

"Hello, as I was just telling your mother I am Kikuoka Seijirō of the Ministry of Internal Affairs and Communications Division, for brevity's sake we just call it the Virtual Division, and I am here to discuss your sister's current situation."

She felt her eyes widen in horror and she very likely paled if the man's hurried voice was any indicator, "She's fine, I promise, there's just something a bit...shall we say unique about her that has drawn the attention of my superiors." Sighing he began rubbing the bridge of his nose lifting his glasses slightly in the process, "I am going to state now that I don't agree with my orders but I have no real say in it. Could we perhaps sit down?"

Mom nodded and Suguha followed the adults into the dining room, taking a seat across from them Kikuoka soon pulled a laptop from his bag and placed it on the table, he began absently typing on it before stopping abruptly when her mother spoke.

"Mister Kikuoka...what is happening with my daughter?" There was hope and fear in the woman's voice, and that alone seemed to get the man moving again.

"Your daughter, who goes by the handle 'Kirito' in SAO by the way, was the top rated beta tester of said game. It isn't all that surprising due to her intellect and her background with parkour and kendo, the system amplifies natural ability at the same time as it brings those less skilled to an acceptable level thanks to the assist protocols.

"Regardless of that, for reasons we've yet to discern, it would appear that the instigator of this madness, Kayaba Akihiko himself, has taken special interest in your daughter and has been streaming her actions to an offsite server. The thing that is truly baffling about this is he left it unencrypted, and we've been able to hijack the signal."

As he turned the laptop to face Suguha and Midori both women gasped as they saw Keiko conscious and active for the first time in a month. Suguha soaked in the image like a woman who'd been in the desert would with her first taste of water, Keiko looked so, so like herself that it brought a smile to her face in an instant.

She was wearing what looked to be black skinny jeans or their equivalent, knee high combat boots, a sleeveless black turtleneck, and fingerless gloves, her long black hair was billowing behind her as she spun about deflecting the sword strikes of a tall redheaded man.

 _"Can do better than that can't ya senpai?"_ They heard her drawl out in amusement, the man snorted as he blocked one of her blows and while they could only see the back of his head it was fairly obvious he was rolling his eyes.

" _Kirito I could train for the rest of my life and I'd never be able to keep up with you, you're a freaking squirrel on meth when you get going."_

Keiko frowned at that while cocking her head to the side, " _I have no idea whether to be insulted by that or not."_

The Kirigayas were brought out of their reverie as Kikuoka turned the laptop back to himself and turned off the volume, glancing up he locked gazes with Midori and gave her a faint smile.

"The man is a friend she'd made her first day before they were aware it was a death game, his name's Klein, or rather Tsuboi Ryōtarō. He's a teachers aid who was shooting for the history department when this all happened, you'll be happy to know he's taken your daughter under his wing and keeps on eye on her. Well...as much as anyone can really keep an eye on someone with her disposition."

Neither mother nor daughter felt any need to argue that point, they were well aware Keiko could be difficult if she chose to be.

"I'm glad she is being looked after, truly I am. He just seems to be quite a bit older than Keiko, is he..."

Kikuoka smirked as he shook his head, "Klein doesn't seem to be romantically interested in your daughter Miss Kirigaya, in fact while she calls him a pervert often he goes out of his way to shield her from what I would label 'fanboys'. She's quite popular with those that are actually attempting to win the game, going out of her way to teach them what she can in an attempt to get out as fast as possible."

Suguha smirked and shook her head at that, only Keiko...

The mans smile fell away as he sighed and suddenly he looked to be completely exhausted, "My superiors, upon finding out about this feed, and who it is recording have come to a decision, one I disagree with entirely. This weekend, they are going to begin live streaming Keiko's adventures to the world at large, and I think you are aware of what that means."

Suguha was confused for a moment but Midori caught on in an instant, "What the hell do those bastards think gives them the right to violate my daughter's privacy like that?!" Suguha's eyes widened at that as she put it all together, no, no this wasn't good, Keiko was a very private person if she was being watched by the world she'd...oh hell...

"I know, trust me I do, I made it a point to bring that up as well but they didn't care. The only concession I received was that I'm allowed to have someone man the feed at all times to cut it if anything...risque occurs, outside of that my hands are tied."

Midori's hands were clenched in her lap, shaking in impotent rage before she finally ground out a response, "How is this legal?"

Kikuoka shook his head at that as he threw his hands in the air in exasperation, "Apparently since the feed is being broadcast on Wifi unencrypted they see it as already in the realm of public access, and since we can't deactivate the WiFi hubs without taking the servers offline it's staying that way. Please, trust me, I understand. I felt enough like a perverted old voyeur watching a fourteen year old girl as is, this is wrong on many levels but the VR industry needs this. That's all my superiors care about at the moment."

"Why does the VR industry need the world to watch my big sister fighting for her life?" Suguha spat out, not bothering to hide the venom in her tone.

"That," Kikuoka began, "is thankfully easy to explain. The VR industry is the next great step in technology, _everyone_ is invested in it. Us, the Americans, the Chinese, the Koreans, everyone has a stake in it, and Kayaba very nearly ran the entire thing off a cliff. Everyone sees it as dangerous now rather than the gift it is."

Standing he began pacing as he rather animatedly swung his arms about, "The NerveGear gave paraplegics the chance to move and interact with their fellow man again. It allowed blind little kids to see for the first time in their lives, to experience light and color. It opened the door to soldiers being projected into robot bodies to fight on the front lines, to never be put at actual risk. It was supposed to start a Renaissance period, but _now_ it's nothing more then-"

"A blood sport," Midori stated cutting him off. She rubbed her brow slowly while shaking her head, "Since my daughter has gone out of her way to make herself integral to freeing herself and her fellow players from said blood sport, your superiors want to use her as a poster girl. What VR tech _could_ accomplish, if given the chance."

"Exactly," Kikuoka stated as he fell back into his chair, a minute of silence later he sighed and pushed the laptop forward. "This is a gift to you two, RECT entertainment is building a second generation NerveGear that will be released in a few months that will allow you to walk right by Keiko's side. This is just a stopgap, when the units are ready to enter production I'll make sure you are sent a few, it's all I can really do at this point."

Standing he gave them a polite bow before making for the door, slipping his shoes on he glanced over his shoulder giving the two conflicted ladies a wane smile, "The feed goes public this Saturday. That computer though will give you access to it beforehand. It isn't an ideal situation, but it is the best we can have at the moment."

With that, he left the house feeling like the worst kind of bastard in the world, silently cursing his superiors the entire way home.

* * *

Kirito sneezed and rubbed her nose in confusion, Klein glanced at her while cocking a brow, something that still hadn't gotten old for him yet.

"Something up princess?"

Kirito frowned and shot her friend a glare, "Stop calling me that, and...I dunno, just felt like someone was talking about me or...something..."

Rolling his eyes Klein shot a thumbs-up over his shoulder while replying, "People are always talking about you, come on, we need to get these newbies through the tutorial so we can get some freaking sleep. I swear I can't wait till we get to the second floor and wash our hands of this, most of these people are hopeless."

Grunting in agreement she followed her redheaded friend while glancing about her surroundings suspiciously. Something...she didn't know what, but something told her things were about to get very, very stupid.

* * *

 **Keiko is going to be sooooo unhappy when she gets out of Aincrad, just saying.**

 **Also, as an aside, do you guys want this to be yuri? I've gotten a lot of requests for this to be Fem!Kirito/Asuna and I could do that even though it would be an incredibly slow burn. Anyhow, I gotta go, take care all!**


	5. Things Are About to Get Very Stupid

**This is short because it's the setup for Asuna's introduction, and as with Klein and Kirito I wanted her intro to be fully from her perspective thus the length of this. As for the pairing, I'm considering to just let things grow organically and see where it takes us, if you want to see a prime example of a good story being ruined by the author forcing her chosen ship look no further than Harry Potter.**

 **JKR said that from the beginning she wanted Ron and Hermione together despite them being...completely and utterly incompatible, hell even she admits it these days. So in order to avoid that, I'm contemplating letting Keiko figure it out on her own, anyway as I said I know this is short and gave the reason for it, so please, review!**

* * *

This was it, the day that her big sister's privacy was to be revoked as her struggle for survival in the death game of Sword Art Online was broadcast on the internet for all to see. Suguhu cringed as she stared at the laptop on the side table, gripping a glass of juice with white knuckled hands, doing her level best not to cry.

The feed she'd been watching the past few days, and if she were to be honest, during every free moment not taken up with school, eating, or sleeping, had been a lifeline. Knowing that Keiko was alive, fighting, and desperate to see her family again filled her with hope, but that was offset by the simple fact that it would only take one mistake to end her life.

Caring about people sucked, no wonder Keiko made it a point to be just social enough to not be considered a recluse and leave it at that...

That was something else that had her tensed up, the Keiko that was being projected on the screen was not _her_ Keiko, at least not fully. Her big sis was always confident, kind, and a bit sarcastic, but she also had absolutely zero patience for large groups paying any sort of attention to her or dealing with their clashing egos.

Ergo why she refused to play team sports and wore baggy clothes unless Suguha forced her (i.e. used puppy dog eyes) to dress up, and otherwise doing her level best to just be part of the crowd until she graduated and could move on with her life.

Suguha often wondered if Keiko had plans for world domination and that's why the young genius chose to remain so low key and in the background. When she'd brought it up to her mother she had only laughed and said there wasn't a chance in the world that girl would set herself up for that kind of paperwork. It...damnit she was stalling her own thoughts...

What it came down to, was the Keiko on screen was exactly what the government and the VR industry wanted, a calm, cool, and kind leader...the thing was, they really hadn't seen her pissed off yet. Perking up slightly as a smile curled up her lips Suguha finally released her tension as that realization hit her.

The people who hijacked her sister's life into some sort of twisted reality tv show (and wasn't _that_ image enough to make her know exactly how said big sister was going to react to that) were unaware that Keiko was acting out a part. They hadn't realized yet that her sister could be...well...an unrepentant bitch when the mood took her.

As the live feed clicked over on the TV Suguha closed the laptop and took in the first thing the world at large saw of Aincrad, and couldn't hold back a laugh. Keiko was leaning against a tree, boots off, sword at her side, _napping_. She glanced at the chat window displayed next to the feed and shuddered at the molestation of the written language occurring there as everyone scrambled to comment.

Words like 'super kawaii!' and 'my waifu!' seemed to be prominent, and Suguha, for the first time began understanding exactly why her sister refused to let anyone on the internet know she was a girl.

"Things are about to get very stupid...aren't they?" the girl muttered, sipping her juice as she shook her head pityingly.

* * *

Keiko's eyes snapped open as she had the sudden feeling of being watched, sitting up from her tree she cast a wary look about the area, absently opening her menu and equipping her boots and the dark blue jacket Dale had given her in the process. Sitting up she eventually sighed and scratched her head in frustration, usually her senses didn't play these kind of games with her, what wonderful BS to wake up to.

"Right..." glancing at the clock she sighed again, it was time to get moving regardless considering she had an appointment with Argo which was always mildly stressful. Making her way down the road Kirito half heartedly waved to the passing groups of newbies who greeted her happily as she faked some platitudes playing her part.

She vaguely remembered some of them but to be honest she'd gotten to the point where she didn't really care, progress was stalled, no one could find the boss room, and she was getting _frustrated_.

Five minutes later she caught sight of the information broker who was busying herself with with her menu, the young woman glanced up and despite the hood over her head the smirk was unmistakable.

Here we go...ugh...

"Ki-chan! How is my most favorite frontline female doing today?"

Sighing Kirito crossed her arms under her breasts and glared at the older girl while rolling her eyes, "I'm the _only_ female front liner, not that it really matters since we can't find the damn boss."

Argo snickered at that causing Kirito to grit her teeth, "Well that isn't completely true anymore, but regardless business first. The guy who wanted to buy your Anneal Blade increased his offer _again_ , I know for a fact your response would be some variation of 'piss off' but he paid me to ask and I am, if nothing else, a business woman."

This shit again, she and Klein had gotten a few offers over the past month but after they, along with his friends, began a boot camp of sorts for new players the offers on _hers_ had sky rocketed.

Boys were dumb.

"Pretty much nailed it, was that all Argo?" While Kirito was annoyed at the waste of her time she wasn't actually angry, Argo was...well not really a friend, but a decent business associate so it was best to humor her when all it cost was was few minutes instead of half your goddamn col.

"Sorry Ki-chan nothing that would interest you I think," sighing Kirito was about to blow this entire thing off as a bad job when she paused.

"What wasn't completely true about me being the only female front liner?" Argo grinned and opened the trade menu, of course, the damn miser. Sighing Kirito traded a bit of col to the information broker who gave her a slightly mocking bow in turn.

"Your generosity knows no bounds Ki-chan. I wouldn't call her a front liner, but she definitely seemed talented. Solo player, held herself alot like you do so obviously trained in some form of combat. Seemed a bit desperate to get out of the game, or more so than most I should say. Came to me earlier asking about a cave that supposedly had a secret logout point, the rumors been drifting about for awhile so I sold her the location."

Kirito couldn't help it, she buried her face in her hands and let out an incredibly frustrated, albeit muffled, scream. Argo for her part simply cocked a brow at her associates antics as the younger girl took a few moments to compose herself.

Dropping one hand Kirito pinched the bridge of her nose as she turned back to Argo and shot her a glare that caused her to take a step back, "This shit again? Argo I thought you of all people would know better then to feed these kind of rumors, there is no easy way out! Ugh...what cave?"

Argo, slightly taken aback by Kirito's sudden hostility brought out her map and pointed, Kirito only shook her head in return. "That cave is an offshoot of the main labyrinth, there is _literally_ nothing in there aside from horrific screaming death. Which...I suppose in a rather ironic sort of way _would_ log you out, if you don't mind your brain becoming a microwave dinner that is."

Argo blanched at that, she hadn't thought it was a logout point but hadn't expected it to be that dangerous, after all it was unmapped and...

"You've been holding out on map data! I thought we had a deal Ki-chan!"

Kirito rolled her eyes at the information broker's exclamation and began walking away, "Issin was supposed to handle it, must have gotten distracted with the newbies. Look I'm going to go see if this potential front liner is still alive and if she is, drag her out of that death trap, I'll talk to you later. Oh and make sure that the guy who keeps trying to buy my sword knows I'm not freaking interested in selling...again."

What Kirito didn't know was that across the internet countless viewers saw a beautiful young leader going off to rescue someone she didn't even know upon her on vocation, which immediately began her legend with the masses.

What _they_ didn't know was Kirito was desperate for another girl she could talk to that was also a competent fighter, and if she was even moderately skilled there was a good chance she could be of use to get out of this damn game.

Back in the real world, Suguha had to resist the urge to laugh again as she read her sister's facial expressions while the wall of text on the chat channel scrolled by. Yup, things had gotten stupid, but this was actually turning out to be kind of funny.

Poor Keiko.

* * *

 **Next up Asuna**


	6. Asuna

**Asuna doesn't really become Asuna until after the fight with Illfang, so if she seems a bit off, that's because she's horrifically depressed and has no idea what the hell she is doing. Hope you enjoy Kirito's pep talk as she so unselfishly tries to give Asuna a reason to keep moving forward, if for no other reason then having another woman to talk to.**

 **Also this is going to be a combination of the Progressive manga, the anime, Wiki, and SAO abridged because _why_ would you read a rehash of the same story?**

 **Oh, also, I have no idea if SAO had Skype style messaging but in this story it does, because it would be stupid for it not to.**

* * *

Yūki Asuna was brought out of her fitful rest by an irritated voice, the speaker obviously having no real interest to be talking with whoever she was addressing.

"Yeah yeah Miss Rapier is fine, well, fine'ish' I suppose, dunno what the hell she was thinking running herself ragged like that. Fatigue is a pain in the ass to deal with at the best of times and she didn't make things easier on herself by over killing everything. Kind of impressive though, in an entirely too suicidal for my taste sort of way."

Asuna had been determined to escape the death game, that was what she had been thinking about and what had driven her forward. She'd bought a map supposedly leading to a secret logout point off of 'The Rat', and had quickly made it to the cave in question. Then she had spent the better part of eight hours fighting her way to the bottom to find... nothing at all.

That's when things went pear shaped, the enemies began reappearing and she'd been pushed back into a corner and had been struck down by a high level kobold for her troubles. She'd been so worn out, so exhausted and just so...so resigned to her fate that she hadn't been able to summon the will to fight back and simply waited for death to take her.

Then the kobolds had all just...died, and a teenage girl clad in black took their place, she had stared at Asuna for a moment but she couldn't focus on her savior for long, too worn out for her own good.

As her head hit the ground Asuna clearly heard the girl let out a sigh as she muttered, _"This is going to be my entire day, isn't it?_ "

Back in the present Asuna opened her eyes and saw the girl from before leaning against a tree, arms crossed and eyes focused on a chat window hosting the image of the information broker that had started this whole affair.

"I'm so glad to hear that Ki-chan! I know I didn't ask you to go check up on her but I do appreciate it, I don't like the fact that it was my information that nearly got her killed. Even if _someone_ else was responsible for my maps being out of date."

The girl, Ki-chan she supposed rubbed her index finger against her thumb while drawling out her response, "The tiniest violin in the world plays for your troubles Argo. Look I'm gonna sit tight and hope she wakes up before the meeting, if I don't make it tell senpai to write everything down for me all right? Need to know what we're up against."

The hooded figure nodded once and then disconnected the message, the girl sighed and slid down the tree resting her forehead against her knees as she landed, releasing an annoyed groan in the process.

Asuna sat up completely and stared at her savior a few moments before coughing to get her attention, the raven haired beauty shot her head up and met Asuna's gaze evenly before a wry smirk crawled up her face.

"Well well well, look who is finally awake! How are you feeling Miss Rapier? You were doing pretty good down in that death trap before you got cornered, with how fast you move I shouldn't have been shocked to see a meteor shower underground. Must say though, you're lucky I showed up when I did."

Asuna shrugged lightly, glad that her cloaks hood hid her facial expressions, or rather the lack there of as she replied, "You shouldn't have bothered, we're all going to die in here anyway..."

The girl tilted her head to the side as her expression became unreadable, eventually she jumped off the ground and began walking around Asuna staring down at her appraisingly.

"Hmm...fatalist really doesn't seem like your default setting, what's got you down in the dumps? Other then the whole being trapped in here being questioned by a pushy stranger thing?"

Why not. Asuna stood up shakily as the other girl caught her arm to steady her slightly in the process, "It is honestly really stupid in retrospect. I heard the rumor about the hidden logout point and jumped on it because...well today was the day the mock entrance exams were being held and I had been studying for them for months. I just..."

How could she explain this to a total stranger? Her mothers insanely unrealistic expectations to out do her perfect brother? Her constant drive to be the best of the best, the fact that her future was derailed because of a freaking _video game_?

To her shock the girl smiled and nodded in understanding, "It was an anchor to the real world, while it was trivial to most it was important to you, and there's nothing you can do to follow the thread home. Right?"

Asuna blinked a few times before shaking her head rapidly followed by a sputtered, "H-how did you-?"

The girl shrugged once as she shoved her hands into her blue jackets pockets, "You aren't the only one pining for home Miss Rapier. I want to hug my sister and say I'm sorry for being such a nerd and getting trapped in here. I want to kiss my mom on the cheek and promise her I'll never scare her like this again. I want to finish my online programming correspondence to prove to the world that I am _way_ smarter then I let on, that I just don't really care to flaunt it on a regular basis."

She smirked at Asuna while shrugging again, "You aren't alone Miss Rapier, just know that there are others thinking the same things you are. While most of the people stuck in this game are just...going about life, pretending that this is the new normal, there are those of us who refuse to sit idle.

"That's us, you, me, my buddy Klein, we're the front liners. We're the vanguard that refuses to forget about our mock exams, our little sisters, our futures, our hopes and dreams. You aren't alone, so don't go giving up just yet, ok?"

Asuna stared at her blankly for what felt like minutes on end before whispering, "Who are you?"

The girl grinned widely at that as she snorted out a laugh, "Just your friendly neighborhood beta tester Miss Rapier, _but_ if you're willing to put yourself in danger, which obviously you are I have a suggestion. A group apparently found the floor boss's room and have organized a meeting to discuss how best to take the bastard down in a few hours. Now that you're awake I'm going to meet up with my buddies and attend the meeting, so why not come along?"

It was really a no brainer, why not indeed?

"All right." With that Asuna began following the girl across the open plains, eventually she sighed and muttered, "What did you mean, before when you were talking to 'The Rat'. About me over killing my targets?"

The girl frowned at that as she turned to respond, "You're what, level ten, eleven? Your standard attacks could have easily killed those things within seconds, yet you kept on using your power attacks which are mentally fatiguing to spam. Simply put, you were exhausting yourself by hitting everything with your most powerful attacks instead of using them as openers."

Asuna frowned at this revelation as she pulled out her rapier and glared at it in frustration, "My regular attacks barely do anything though, the only thing that works consistently _is_ my power attacks!"

Pausing her companion looked contemplative a moment before responding, "What are you dumping your skill points into? You're obviously a speed build so I'm guessing dexterity and agility for sure. Personally I focus on agility and strength at the sacrifice of my defense, the boys call me a glass cannon for that actually."

Asuna blinked once in confusion before sputtering out, "What are skill points?"

The girl blinked once, groaned and shook her head as she muttered, "My whole goddamn day..."

The hour spent walking to town was not wasted and Asuna gained a new appreciation for Kirito, for that was the girls name it ended up, and her understanding of Sword Art Online. After distributing her skill points properly, and hadn't that been embarrassing, she'd practiced on a few random monster spawns and found that her standard attacks now hit as hard as her power attacks had previously.

She really, _really_ shouldn't have skipped the tutorial, although according to Kirito she hadn't missed much, apparently it mostly involved jumping about like a fool and random anti-drug use messages.

Odd that.

Regardless when they entered the town of Tolbana Asuna felt more sure of herself then she had in a month, and was mildly ashamed that she'd resigned herself to an ignoble death for no real reason mere hours earlier.

Speaking of which, "Kirito, why _were_ you in that cave to save me when you did?"

Kirito paused a moment then laughed, "Oh, I'd went to meet Argo when you came up. Some ass keeps trying to buy my sword you see and he's paying Argo a nice bit of col to bring the offers to me, anyway she mentioned a potential female front liner and I was intrigued. First off, it was _kinda_ my fault you were sold that information, I had an updated map but the boys forgot to bring it to Argo soooo yeah, felt a bit responsible for that one. Secondly, and far more selfishly...I really need another girl to talk to around here, I'm drowning in testosterone as is."

Asuna couldn't help it, she broke out giggling at this admission which Kirito quickly added to, after a few moments the pair entered what looked like a scaled down colosseum filled with random groups of chatting players. Guiding them through the throngs of people Kirito eventually plopped down next to a well muscled man with red hair and dropped her head to his shoulder.

"Senpai have I missed anything?"

The man frowned and reached over to ruffle her hair as he rolled his eyes, "Stop calling me that princess, and no nothing yet. Who is your friend?"

Shifting uncomfortably Asuna bowed lightly as she quietly muttered, "I'm Asuna, a pleasure."

The man threw her an appraising leer that resulted in Kirito elbowing him in the stomach, "She's fifteen Klein."

Putting on a pained expression Klein shook his head in despair, "When will I run into a woman that's my age that _doesn't_ friend zone me?" Kirito snickered as she patted his back reassuringly before gesturing towards the empty spot to her right.

"Take a seat Asuna, I think things are gonna get interesting soon."

* * *

 **Ending it here so we can see the meeting and battle from the public's point of view, I already have Kirito's rant at Kibaou written, it's gonna be great. Anyway, please review!**


	7. Sugou

**Original chapter got lost due to a crash, seriously, computer just died. This isn't as good but I hope you enjoy it.**

 **Edit-Right, props to SAO abridged for a couple of the jokes.**

* * *

Leaning back in his rather luxurious executive chair Sugou Nobuyuki stared at the monitors before him and frowned. This was a poor substitute for what could be, but the AmuSphere was still two months off from production and no one was willing to test out any of the leftover NerveGears to fully embrace this feed.

Nobuyuki was a self admitted opportunist for sure but not even he was willing to dick around with one of those death traps, even if it meant being closer to his precious prize.

Asuna, so brave, so succulent, so foolish. When RECT Progress had been given custodial duty over the ten thousand victims of SAO he had been put in charge of the servers containing the minds of his company's wards. Thus, he had access to all the player names and their accounts so of course he knew what her avatar had been named, and wasn't he in for a treat when the 'Hero' of this little farce saved his wife to be from her own ignorance.

The hero, heh, he liked Kirito, no, Keiko, quite a bit. The young woman reminded Nobuyuki of himself really; brilliant, ambitious, manipulative, and never lost track of her goals. She had all the idiots following her lead and they hadn't even realized she had done it all on purpose, that she wasn't some sort of saint sent to lead them to victory.

She was selfish, wishing only to leave SAO and return home, luckily for her fellow prisoners she needed them to live to achieve her goals.

If she somehow made it out of SAO alive with Asuna at her side, he'd probably offer her a job and apprenticeship, she certainly had the potential.

Glancing back at the monitor as the meeting began he diverted his focus between the various monitors in an attempt to take it all in at once.

"Thank you everyone for accepting my invitation today! My name is Diavel, and the class I chose is a Knight!"

Sugou frowned at that and cocked his head to the side but his confused thoughts were cut off by laughter from the crowd. Asuna looked about in confusion when Keiko leaned down and whispered in her ear. Damn he was beginning to love that girl and her 'take control' personality.

"He's aware there are no classes in this game like that, he's breaking the ice, making everyone laugh at his antics. Classic, very well done."

Asuna pursed her lips and nodded slowly as the blue haired man continued his speech.

"Well then," he began with a laugh, "You front liners, or rather those of you actively attempting to grind your levels to something that can surpass this game must have realized there was a reason for this meeting."

Smiling he spread his arms wide and let out a brief chuckle, "My party has found the boss room of this floor! Together we'll have the power necessary to take on this boss, and open the door to the second floor! Our first step to freedom!"

Kirito nodded slowly while muttering, "Well done."

Sugou couldn't help but agree, the man had a talent for stiring the rable, said man curled his splayed out hand into a fist before pulling it close to his chest as he smiled up at the gathered masses.

"Even though it has taken a month to reach this point we must let the message spread that this game of death is in fact beatable! That there is truly a hope to escape!"

Kirito muttered quietly to Asuna at this, "He's right on that point, there is no morale left, most have lost hope, the people _need_ this."

Asuna nodded quickly at that, "You're right. A population cannot take defeat after defeat and keep marching onward, we need a victory to instigate the populace."

Sugou's thoughts were cut off by a scrawny man with a ridicilous pineapple haircut jumping onto the ground before Diavel, glaring up at the surrounding crowd he snorted out his disgust while pointing to the sky.

"Wait a second Mister Knight! I have something to say!" Oh who the fuck was this? Sugou could see from the get go this man was trying to hijack the route this meeting was taking and if the feed from Kirito was an indicator, so could she.

"Before I team up with any of you, there's something I have to say!" Crossing his arms he continued to glare while Diavel looked like someone had just walked up to him and smacked him in the face with a trout, sighing he nodded once while gesturing towards the intruder.

"Opinions...are welcome, but first what is your name?"

The man puffed up his chest as he set his shoulders nodding fiercely as he bellowed out, "My name is Kibaou. AND YOU COWERING BETA TESTERS BETTER SHOW YOURSELVES!"

Sugou lifted a brow while Keiko grimaced and Klein growled, Asuna just looked confused, silly little bird she was.

"There should be quite a few of you in this group! Be honest and show yourselves! In the past month all of you bastards hogged all the resources! It's your fault that nearly eighteen-hundred people have died, so to apologize to the dead, you all better take the money and items you've gathered and hand them the fuck over!"

There was dead silence as Keiko's eyes opened wide enough that it must have hurt, she then broke out into a quiet, rather dark chuckle.

"Hehehe... _What?!"_

Diavel rather intelligently stuttered out an, "Uhh..." before a deep, bellowing bass voice cracked across the silence.

"Excuse me, may I speak?"

Diavel actually let out a relieved sigh as he nodded quickly, "Thank you for _asking_ , of course you can speak, mister...?"

He was huge, at the very least seven feet tall, African descent but likely American by his accent. While he was, really, a giant, he gave off an aura of calm, as if he could just snap Kibaou's neck like a rotting reed, he just wouldn't because it would be a rather crass thing to do.

"My name is Agil, and if what I'm getting from your rather...inane rant is correct, you wish for the beta testers to hand over their gear because they hadn't helped the new players that have died, is that right?"

Kibaou nodded once as he jutted his chin out, "Tha-that's right! Since the game began they abandoned us beginners! All the players that could help us already leveled up and left us all in the starting town!"

Sugou raised an appraising brow as Klein stood shaking a seething Keiko off his arm, coughing loudly as he spoke out a scathing response to the man.

"Yeah, ok, fuck you asshole." No points for tact but Sugou really couldn't disagree, who the hell did this fool think he was?

"WHA-WHAT?! You're one of them, AREN'T YOU!?" He screamed out, Keiko was practically vibrating with suppressed rage, and it was only Sugou's precious Asuna wrapping an arm around the girl's shoulders that kept her in place.

Klein snorted, "No, I met a beta tester my first day in the game, before I even knew it was a death game, and they trained me, helped me, made me a better warrior. When it all went down, when we found out we were trapped in here? They dragged me out to one of the best quest hubs to gear up so I could help raise my friends up as guardians for the newbies, reciprocating returns and all that."

Before Kibaou could respond Agil jumped back into the conversation, "Besides which, the beta testers have supplied the most important resource available to us, _information._ Isn't the saying 'Knowledge is power, hide it well'? They've given all the knowledge they have for _free_ to try and help us new players survive, without asking for anything in return. _Everyone_ has gotten a players guide, free of charge thanks to the beta testers. So I have to ask, what have _you_ given your fellow players Kibaou? Other than a lot of yelling, of course."

Before he could say anything, one of the players stood up and shouted out an angry cry, "Yeah! Seriously you asshole what have you done that Kirito hasn't already done for us?! The Black Princess has been training any newbie who has wanted help for free for weeks! What have you done!?"

Sugou snickered as Keiko muttered, "Black...Princess?!" while her eye twitched, Asuna rather cutely shot her companion a smirk before turning back to the crowd.

Kibaou sputtered a bit before spitting out,"I...but..they..it's their fault we're stuck in this game!"

Keiko finally lost it, screaming in frustration she jumped up from her seat and bolted down the staggered benches in an instant stopping directly before Kibaou who let out a girlish shriek when the enraged teenager grabbed him by his throat. Pulling his head down to her level she gritted her teeth as she ground out her rejoinder.

"Listen closely you...microcephalic adipate."

The man managed to sputter out "Wha-what?!" before Asuna, who had followed Kirito down apparently, helpfully threw out an answer to his query.

"She said you have a small brain case, essentially you're a moron."

He sputtered in rage as Keiko turned to Asuna nodding once, "Thank you Asuna."

Her companion nodded in turn smiling slightly, "Quite welcome Kirito."

Sugou snickered to himself nodding slowly as well, oh my they were a pair weren't they?

"Now," Keiko began quietly enough were only Kibaou and Asuna could hear her, "I don't know what your endgame is, but a preface? I'm the flavor of the month, the pretty beta tester who helpfully trains anyone who asks for help without asking for anything in return.

"You, are an obnoxious man who, while not entirely repulsive, isn't much of a looker."

"He has a stupid haircut as well," Asuna helpfully threw out causing Keiko to chuckle in agreement.

"My companion here has a valid addition to my argument. That being said, I am _publicly adored_ while you are not. I am directly responsible for the survival of dozens, if not hundreds of players, have the ear of every major information broker, as well as having power over, much to my annoyance, a rabid fan club. So, if you decide to actually pursue these accusations to their end point I can effectively ensure your destruction.

"So, unless you decide to keep silent I'll begin spreading rumors like...you can't get an erection without killing a dog, that sounds repulsive enough doesn't it?"

Asuna, much to Sugou's surprise smirked as she cocked her hip to the side throwing a contemplative look at Kibaou before muttering, "Also, he can't reach an orgasm unless he is having intercourse with a farm animal."

Keiko grimaced and laughed at once at this, "Ick, disgusting and a classic, well done! Oh, and he couldn't afford the game through his regular job so he had to perform fellatio on random men in back alleys! Nothing like a bit of prostitution to drop the populaces opinion yeah?"

Asuna made a face at that while nodding, "So gross Kibaou-kun, you're quite depraved aren't you?"

"Wha-wha-what?" He managed to gasp out in horrified shock, Asuna sighed as she rolled her eyes to the sky in exasperation.

"He still doesn't get it Kirito-chan, we're using too many syllables."

Kirito nodded once grinning like the Cheshire cat, "The simple, crudely made proposition? Keep your whore mouth shut or I'll have this entire game thinking you're a dog snuffing, horse fucking, man batter guzzling sexual deviant."

Kibaou sputtered a few moments before managing to creak out, "The fuck is wrong with you bitch? You're both insane!"

Asuna pouted rather cutely at that while crossing her arms, "How is my sanity in question here? Kirito I'm offended, what about you?"

The girl in question snorted while shrugging, "I'm more shocked he's calling me a bitch like it's a bad thing, are we in agreement Kibaou? You embrace the sound of silence, otherwise I destroy all of your hopes and dreams?"

Huffing he walked away from the pair muttering curses under his breath, in response Keiko threw up a waving arm as she cheerfully called out, "Don't forget to use protection!" With that they turned back to Diavel who just sighed as he looked about the fidgeting players surrounding them.

"Can we get back to it now?" Both girls grinned and nodded as they chirped out 'Yup!' in unison.

Making their way back to their seats while thanking Agil and fist bumping Klein the pair of swords-women sat next to each other a moment before locking their gazes together.

Asuna extended her hand while asking, "Partners?"

Keiko grinned as she accepted the hand shaking it heartily in turn, "Partners."

Sugou leaned back in his chair and contemplated his next move. Yes, Asuna was his, regardless, but...Keiko was interesting, extremely interesting in fact. The girl didn't bow to authority, she fought it, snipped at it, and disrespected it at will, a true free spirit in all reality.

It would be fun breaking it along with Asuna's.

Sighing he stood from his chair stretching, it was a thought for tomorrow, but regardless, the young girl had certainly caught his attention, and two ladies were always better then one.

* * *

 **The end result of a woman who doesn't care what people think of her and her apprentice preparing for war, please review.**


	8. Shield Maidens of the Heart

**I wanted to flesh out Keiko and Asuna's relationship at the same time as I make it clear Asuna is a very, very, _very_ intelligent and observant young lady. So here you go, please do enjoy and REVIEW!**

* * *

As the meeting broke up Kirito turned to Asuna smiling wanly as she fiddled with her menu, a moment later a group invitation popped up before the brunette's eyes.

"Sooo, since we're partners and...apparently relegated to the reserves for some inane reason, want to group up?" Asuna frowned at that but nodded regardless as she accepted the invite. A moment later a new health bar appeared in the upper left hand corner of her HUD and it took Asuna a moment to realize that the new addition was a party status window.

"Right, agreed, so ummm...now what?" Kirito shrugged as she gestured to her gathered friends behind her with a sigh and a shake of the head.

"Well those guys are going to go get drunk which really isn't a bad idea but I want to get you squared away first, business before pleasure. Besides Klein deserves to have a bit of fun without having to keep an eye on me, tomorrows gonna be bad enough as is. Eat, drink, and be merry after all."

With that she began walking towards the town center and Asuna had to rush to catch up with the other girl. Once matching her pace Asuna coughed into her fist before speaking, "Umm, if you don't mind me asking is Klein your boyfriend or something?"

Rather then blushing or freaking out Kirito simply laughed while shaking her head, "No no, we...we look after each other as much as possible. We both have a habit of worrying about the other, we went through quite an ordeal together and it kinda made us battle buddies. He looks at me like a little sister and tries his best to keep me out of trouble, making sure I have fewer than three drinks in me at any given time is part of that.

"I want him to have fun though, so I'll refrain from indulging so he doesn't have to look out for me tonight, he deserves it. Now, as for you Miss Rapier, what weapon are you using?"

Asuna blinked at the sudden change of subject but a moment later drew her blade examining it with a weary eye. "An iron rapier, I bought a half dozen of them and just kept grinding until they all broke and would return to the city to buy new ones with the col I earned."

Kirito clicked her tongue once in disapproval while shaking her head in disdain, "Nope not gonna work, here take this, got it off a monster drop getting to you actually so seems fair. It will last you to the third floor at least and we can upgrade it a few times at one of the NPC vendors. Pity we can't go past +4 until we get mats off the next floor but what can you do?"

Before she could protest a trade window popped up and an item called the 'Wind Fleuret' was placed inside it, a moment later a confirmation button lit up.

"I can't possibly take this!" Asuna automatically stated, Kirito seemed to not care about her wishes on the subject though.

"Just take it Miss Rapier, I don't need it, none of my newbies are fencing specialists regardless, and I don't need the money. Besides, you're going to have my back tomorrow so I want you to be as well equipped as possible. We'll call this...enlightened self interest on my part if you'd like further justification."

Asuna worried her lip a moment before setting her face in a scowl, "I'll only take it if you stop calling me Miss Rapier," Kirito snorted out a laugh at that while shooting the brunette a wry smirk.

"Right-o, never call me 'The Black Princess' and we have an agreement, Asuna." Smiling the brunette nodded accepting the trade and quickly equipped the blade, eyes widening she unsheathed it and stared at its exquisite etching in open surprise.

"It's...beautiful..."

Kirito stared at her a few moments before chuckling lightly, "C'mon gorgeous lets get it upgraded and then get something to eat, you can give it a try tomorrow on the way to the boss room. Speaking of which, got a place to stay tonight?"

Asuna snapped out of her reverie and quickly sheathed the blade before shaking her head in the negative, "No I was going to just stay at the inn tonight."

Clicking her tongue once again Kirito began walking and Asuna hurriedly followed as the younger girl spoke, "All the inns will be bought out by now, and the NPC housing is open to all players so any creeper can sneak up on you in the night. Then...then the stabbing starts..."

Asuna really had no idea how to respond to Kirito's suddenly blank face and murderous gaze so she decided to just ignore the change in her partners attitude as she replied, "So do you have other suggestions?"

Kirito shook her head as if to break herself from some memory or another before grinning widely shooting Asuna a warm smile that fully reached her dark eyes, "Yup, stay with me! I _may_ have cheated a bit and beaten a once a month quest to get a house on the river for myself. Four bedrooms, full kitchen, and one very swanky bathtub."

Asuna stopped dead in her tracks at that as she grabbed Kirito by her shoulders and swung the shorter girl directly before her while leaning down touching noses, "Did you say...bathtub?"

"Uh...err...yes?" Kirito managed to stammer out as her face turned beet red, a moment later Asuna grinned widely and pulled her into a rather uncomfortable hug.

"I am staying with you tonight, and I am using your tub," Kirito just nodded quickly wondering if the game had caused some sort of slow acting brain damage to her partner but dismissed the idea quickly. She'd been taking baths every night since she'd acquired her home, so she really had no idea what the poor girl had been going through herself.

"Right, umm, anyway, upgrades?"

As it ended up the vendor blacksmiths were in fact able to upgrade the monster loot blade and Asuna was shocked to see that her attack stats had _doubled_ from when she was using the starting weapon.

Kirito, well, not so much.

"Part of the draw of this game initially was the scarcity of good weapons. You have to earn nearly everything the hard way until the smiths get properly leveled out.

"See the system only spawns gear that will benefit those who can use it that are in the general area, ergo why I was able to loot that blade. You're a fencer, it's a rapier, boom, no brainer right? Waaaay better then back in the old 2D games when you looted shamen gear and everyone was wearing plate mail. Fucking alliance..."

Asuna wasn't really sure what that last bit was about but easily understood the rest, "So that's one of the reasons you gave this to me without hesitation right? Because it wouldn't have even dropped if you weren't heading down to pull me out of that cave?"

Kirito smiled brightly at that while nodding, "Yup!" She chirped out looking rather pleased that her partner was catching on so quickly.

Asuna worried her lip a moment and had to brace her hand on the building next to her as she took in a deep breath trying her best to keep her calm. A moment later she turned to meet Kirito's now concerned gaze, "Thank you Kirito. I don't know if I've said it yet but...thank you for saving me, thank you for...giving a damn when you could have easily left me to die."

Kirito smiled again as she cocked her head to the side, eyes closed and seeming slightly amused, "No need to thank me Asuna, you had a bad day, I pulled you out of your funk and now you've got my back. You want to thank me, help me get us out of this game, and don't ever lose faith in yourself like that again, all right?"

Asuna stared at Kirito for a moment more before she broke out into laughter, Kirito raised a single brow and waited patiently for her partner to get her mirth out of her system which took a good few minutes. Eventually Asuna managed to contain her emotions and wiped the tears from her eyes as she explained herself, her smile never leaving her face.

"You are just so, so... _you_! I mean you literally just went up to someone trying to make you into a scapegoat and told them to go fuck themselves while walking away smelling like roses and here you are spouting this never give up stuff at me. I mean...I'm impressed, seriously, very impressed. You are a class A manipulative bitch and I can't say I'm not proud to associate with you."

Kirito's entire demeanor changed as she appraised Asuna over several moments, eventually she replied in a quietly demanding, yet tentative tone. "You...aren't upset about the fact that I'm manipulating nearly everyone around me? That I was trying to manipulate you?"

Asuna smiled at that shaking her head slowly, "No, I'm not, because your goal is pretty obvious, you want to get out of this game. So you're going to do everything in your power to get _out_ which means helping all those around you become stronger. So I have to ask, would you rather me be Miss Oblivious, following your tune mindlessly, or would you like me to be your true partner, doing everything in our power to get out of this game, together?"

Kirito stared at Asuna for over a minute, then two minutes, going on four, eventually she extended her hand as her body language shifted to that of an anxious teen, "Hello, my name is Keiko, I'd like to be your friend."

Asuna beamed a brilliant smile in return as she took her hand and shook it lightly in turn, "My name is Asuna, I hope we can get through this together."

Kirito...Keiko snorted as she shook her head slowly in turn, "You named your avatar with your real name? You...you haven't played many RPG's have you?"

Asuna shrugged at that, "No, I only ever played freeware on my phone, this was my brother's game and since he got called out to a meeting out of country I thought I would give it a try. And here I am."

Keiko nodded at this before cocking her head to the side, "And here you are...well...partner... shall we head home? My cooking skill isn't that high but it's better then eating black bread and tepid water, hope you like BLT's."

Asuna stiffened at that and it nearly looked like sparkling stars formed about her as she grasped the sides of Keiko's head, eyes brimming with tears, "You have food that has actual flavor?"

Caught completely off guard Keiko tried nodding but failed due to her partner's rather firm grasp, sighing she forced out her response quickly, "Yes, side effect of helping hundreds of newbies learn to kill boars. Lots of bacon."

Asuna let out a squeeing noise as she pulled Keiko into a hug, "Marry me woman!" Said woman only sighed in turn, it was going to be a long evening.

* * *

Argo wasn't sure about this, Ki-Chan was a good sport who was rather fond of the information broker even if said woman denied it, so bringing someone to her sanctum felt...wrong. This was important though, incredibly important actually, and while Ki-Chan could be a Class-A bitch when she put her mind to it she was also pragmatic to the bone, so with a sigh she knocked on the buildings door and tensed up.

A minute later the door swung open exposing her friend, who was wearing a black and blue plaid skirt, a black blouse, and bunny slippers.

Adorable.

"Ki-Chan! How are you doing this evening? Rumor on the grapevine is you dragged the only other female front liner to your dungeon of depravity and are hell bent on twisting her to your wiles!"

Ki-Chan, of course, looked fully unimpressed and unflustered, "Gee, lemme just get in on that wet dream action, would be worth a mint wouldn't it? What do you want Argo?"

Said girl frowned at that, she really wished Ki-Chan would trust her more, she honestly went out of her way to spread disinformation about Kirito on a regular basis to help divert the perverts but... *Sigh* she really couldn't blame her. Argo's reputation wasn't the most savory, it would take time, it would seem, to unfreeze the woman's heart.

"Someone important wants to talk to you Ki-Chan, I agreed to bring him here solely due to the fact that if anyone else finds you out here, we would know who to blame. He's aware of this, so I really hope you agree to talk to him.

Kirito became absolutely livid, "You brought a fucking man to my goddamn house Argo!? Do you know how hard I had to work to get away from those fucking fanboys?! What the fuck were you fucking thinking?! FUCK!"

Argo winced and fell in on herself a bit, before she could apologize her client walked up to the door and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, a moment later he spoke up.

"Kirito, we need to talk," the girl in question froze mid rant and took in her new arrival, rage cooling instantly she nodded once before jerking her thumb over her shoulder.

"All right Diavel, Argo, take a seat in my parlor, gimme a minute." Walking away from the pair Argo stepped into the house as Kirito gently knocked on a door before her. "Asuna, we have guests, don't come out nekkers all right?"

A muffled 'Thanks for letting me know Keiko!' was heard through the door as Argo quietly filed that away for later, her name was Keiko...

Plopping into one of the open seats Kirito stared at Diavel for a time before sighing, "What do you want?"

Diavel shifted uncomfortably a moment as he coughed into his fist before speaking, "I'm sure you noticed already that I put you on the reserves handling the trash mobs, and I'm also sure you're wondering why."

Kirito shrugged at that while crossed her arms in a casual manner, "I figured you're actually a beta tester and you're after the Last Attack Bonus item and wanted the nastiest damage dealers well away from your target."

He winced and nodded slowly at the barb, "That was true...initially anyway." This seemed to gain Kirito's interest as she untensed her body and cocked her head to the side obviously listening closely, "The thing is, you're a leader, like me. If you were a loner I'd probably have gone out of my way to hinder you but...you...you're trying damn it. You're doing your best to get these idiots to work together, and I don't want to stop you.

"The problem is...well...attrition, do you know how many beta testers were actually logged in when this all went down, and how many have fallen?"

Kirito pursed her lips at this and nodded slowly as she glanced towards Argo, "Seven hundred to eight hundred were logged in, over forty percent of them are dead now."

Diavel nodded slowly at this, "Yes, nearly half of us are dead, all due to the fact that the Beta screwed us over. We had a supposed advantage but enough things were tweaked that our knowledge has become a liability. We're a dying breed, and we're either going to be seen as saviors...or scapegoats, and that's where you come in."

He took in a deep breath pinching the bridge of his nose in the process as he closed his eyes, eventually he dropped his hand and met Kirito's gaze evenly, "If _anyone_ dies tomorrow, those idiots are going to blame you and all the other beta testers for it."

Kirito pursed her lips at that but nodded slowly in return, "Yeah, I figured as much."

Diavel snorted as he rolled his eyes to the ceiling, "Of course you did. Regardless, I'm a tank, I'm on the front, I am the vanguard, and I'm most likely to die. If I do...I need...no, _they_ need you to take control. That's why you're handling the trash mobs, that's why you're in the reserves, that's why I'm handling you with kid gloves.

They need you if I fail."

Kirito blinked rapidly at that and Argo couldn't help worrying her lower lip a bit as her friends put it all on the table, eventually Kirito pulled her knees up to her chest wrapping her arms around her legs in the process.

"I don't want to be a leader, I hate it. I hate being the center of attention, I hate being crowded..."

Diavel nodded slowly at that, "Yet you do it regardless, why?"

She lifted her head and the fury roiling forth from her gaze was palpable, "Because someone had to...and no one else would, and...and I want to go home...I want to hug my sister...I want to be held by my mom...I want to go home...that's it..." was her heavy response. Diavel sighed as he stood up slowly giving the young girl a sad smile in the process.

"The problem is, you are an amazing leader despite not liking the post, and that's why I have you in the back ranks. We have to keep our trump card safely hidden after all... I'll see you tomorrow, if we don't speak before the raid, good luck."

Diavel left without another word and before Argo could speak Asuna entered the room looked flushed and refreshed in a red bathrobe, turning to Kirito in confusion the brunette muttered, "Keiko are you ok?"

She shook her head slowly as tears ran down her cheeks while muttering, "No, I need a hug," a moment later both Argo and Asuna were on either side of the girl wrapping their arms around her trying to comfort the distraught teen.

This wasn't fair, not by a longshot, but it was what it was, and all Argo could do was show her friend that she was there, and that she cared.

None of the trio would know for quite some time this singular moment would make all of them legends as the internet rambled to itself, two would be flustered, one would be highly amused.

* * *

 **I decided Argo is now a main character, I like her honestly. Regardless, character development! Next chapter Illfang and then the second level which Keiko will never stop referring to as Bovine Genocide.**


	9. Hell Hath No Fury

**Suguha has a slight sister complex but it's nothing like it is in cannon, Keiko has always been _hers_ and she is very annoyed that she is now sharing her with the world. This is especially grating because she knows her sister suffers from ****enochlophobia and is aware Keiko is going to freak the hell out when she finds out she is a household name. Just thought I'd clarify that in case anyone was worrying/hoping this went the incest route, which it will _not_.**

 **Edit-Right, enochlophobia is the fear of large crowds, or as Keiko looks at it the incredibly irrational and annoying as hell fear of large crowds. I'll be expanding on it further but it's quite a bit like Sinon with Gun Gale Online. Keiko was using SAO as a means to cope with her fears in a controlled setting, thus why her mom never got on her case for spending so much time in a full dive.**

 **The fact that she's a gaming nerd who _really_ enjoyed SAO was just icing on the cake for her arguments.**

 **EDIT EDIT:IS it Diabel or Diavel?! Seriously the source material can't even decide!**

* * *

Yuuki Kouichirou, or Kou to his friends, had been torn between several extreme emotions during his time watching the first public SAO live stream. For one, he had wanted to cry at the sight of his beloved little sister being saved by the rather vivacious Kirito just in the nick of time.

That is, cry in rage that she had gotten herself into that sort of situation to begin with, and cry in joy that there was someone who cared enough to be bothered to rescue her from her mistakes.

Later the amusement he had to suppress was almost giggle worthy, mostly thanks to his mother's appalled rage at said sisters language and blase attitude as she helped Kirito blackmail an idiot into silence.

Now hadn't that been a surprise? Asuna always had a touch of sass to her that was kept quietly restrained yet it would seem she was willing to truly let her colors fly having someone like Kirito around her. Admittedly he was more than a little curious what other bad habits his little sis would pick up on her adventures, it would certainly be an interesting watch to say the least.

The emotion he felt strongest though was anger, and he had to fight back a very real desire for violence because it was his weak willed fathers fault the entire _WORLD_ was creeping on his baby sister now, _and there wasn't anything Kou could do to stop it_!

Seriously some of the comments from the chat log were just downright _wrong_ ; he was a self admitted pervert but good goddamn there was a time and place for that sort of thing and this wasn't it. A bunch of mouth breathing neck beards living in their parents basements talking about what they'd like to do to a pair of under aged girls, one of which was his _sister_ , was not something he was ok with.

God did humanity make itself easy to hate at times, no wonder grandfather became a recluse after retirement.

His internal tirade was cut off as the live stream ended for the day. The last image displayed was of Asuna holding a still sobbing Kirito, the brunette gently running her fingers through the younger girls hair doing her best to sooth her partner, Argo hovering over them in silent companionship. At the very least Kirito seemed receptive to the ministrations, the poor kid had seriously taken up one hell a burden to bear, and she was lucky to have Asuna at her side really.

He knew from experience that she gave great conciliatory hugs.

Clearing his throat with a cough Kou began speaking slowly in an attempt to keep his anger in check, he would like to think he was at least marginly successful in his efforts but honestly he really doubted it worked.

"I know I already said my piece on this father and you have said yours, but now it isn't just some 'No name middle class nobody' as Sugou put it having her privacy violated." Kou paused as he pinched the bridge of his nose lightly trying his best to keep the oncoming rage from releasing itself in his parents sitting room before he continued on in a seething tone.

"It's Asuna, _our_ Asuna. So, what are you going to do about this? Because frankly, I'm kinda worried what this Keiko is going to do when she gets out of the game and finds out about this mess regardless. Something tells me that lawsuits are not going to be our primary concern with that girl, she seems too smart and...ruthless to stop there, and with Asuna's help...well, little sis can be _creatively vindictive_ if she feels the need to be _._ With popular opinion, as fickle as it can be, likely being behind them this isn't going to tie itself up neatly."

On that note his first order of business after today was definitely finding out more about his sister's new friend, he'd ignored the dossier he'd been given earlier in the month seeing as his opinion on the matter was largely ignored, but now he needed to go over it with a fine tooth comb. Who knows what the little firebrand had been up to before she'd been trapped in SAO...

His mother, for once in her life took a proper 'Mama Bear' stance as she shot her husband a dark look, "Yes Shouzou, what _are_ you going to do about this travesty? I cannot do much about my Asuna associating with that foul mouthed trollop but surely we can make these broadcasts end now that we know they have become partners? The last thing we need is for her image to be tarnished as she tries to do what she must to survive this death game! Bad enough everyone will know she plays those... _things_ already, the amount of damage control I will have to do to keep her in an acceptable light is going to be a chore in on itself..."

To this day Kou really had no idea how the hell he survived the first eighteen years of his life living with that woman, Asuna truly had his sympathies there.

His father sighed while shaking his head slowly, "I told Sugou this was a bad idea from the get go, repeatidly in fact." At that he glanced to Kou and nodded once to the young man, "You were there. He was rather adament that we go through with this though, that it was a vital necessity in order to keep the entire _industry_ alive and his reasoning was sound thus why I agreed to it. Yet...it felt so wrong to violate a teenage girls privacy like this...but he was quite persuasive, it would appear I should have been stronger in my convictions."

Kou, well, he was _kinda_ not going to let his old man off the hook that easily. Call him an asshole but this was his little sister they were talking about here, and frankly propriety could see itself to the door when her safety, security, and privacy were involved.

"That's great father, but you didn't answer the question, what are we going to do about this?"

Shouzou stared at his defiant son for several seconds before letting his shoulders slump down, "Nothing. We can do nothing to stop this now, before the broadcast I might have had a chance of pulling the plug, now? The die has been cast, and there is nothing we can do for it. The government won't end the broadcast because they need this girl to be our beacon and despite her rough edges and attitude our lot is now with Kirito. I'm sorry, I truly am."

Kou grimaced as he stood up and instead of bowing politely he sneared at his father in disdain, "I'm sorry too, I had no idea my sire was a coward afraid of the wrath of his board of directors. It's only his _daughter's_ well being after all. I'm leaving, I'll see you at work on Monday, good night." Without acknowledging his mothers indignent squaks Kou marched out of the family home with a look of abject disgust marring his face.

He slipped into his car still scowling trying to think of something, _anything,_ he could do to try and help Asuna. After a minute or two he perked up slightly as a thought occurred and he quickly fished his mobile out of his pocket. Looking through his rather ridiculously large list of contacts he eventually found the one he was looking for and hit the dial button, as luck would have it the line was picked up near immediately.

"Kikuoka, what is it?" Terse, but the man had probably been watching the live feed so Kou wasn't surprised at all really.

"Mister Kikuoka, it's Yuuki Kou, we spoke a few days ago at the RECT board meeting?"

There was a 'hn' followed quickly by a more verbose response, "Yes, you're the CEO's son and director of public affairs, what can I do for you?"

Smiling as he pulled the car out of his parents driveway he tilted his head to the side as his honey colored eyes lit up with a hint of mischief.

"I have an idea that may save you, me, and the taxpayers quite a bit of money when this SAO fiasco is finally concluded, are you interested in hearing it?"

There was a pause quickly followed by, "Can you meet at my office within the hour?" Kou grinned in turn, oh this was going to be interesting.

* * *

Suguha had been switching between laughing maniacally and quietly crying into the large throw pillow wrapped in her arms as she watched her sisters antics over the past several hours. The chat window was being ignored like it was the plague though, the things those..." _people"_ were saying were just so wrong she didn't know how to process it.

One thing was for sure, she would never judge her sister for hiding her gender online again, like...ever. It really was pathetic how these fanboys latched onto the image of Keiko as if they ever stood a chance of winning her heart.

Keiko was _Keiko_ , being an introverted nerd who liked the same games as her was _not_ in fact going to endear them to her, nor would any incredibly awkward attempts at courting her cause her to faun over said nerd. Getting a slap on the head for bothering her while she was trying to read? Possible, maybe, if you were obnoxious enough that is. Otherwise she'd probably just ignore your existence as she turned her music up, silently wondering why you were oblivious to the fact that she obviously wanted to be left alone.

Getting her to agree to an actual date though?

Ha!

Fat chance, Keiko had high standards that no one had ever met before and really she had zero interest in dating to begin with. Most guys her age were too immature, or didn't like the fact that she could easily kick their asses if provoked, or...where was she going with this anyway?

"Ugh...I need to get some sleep, tomorrow is the raid and I'll have school the next day so I have to be rested..." Sighing Suguha dejectidly went upstairs and showered for the evening, after finishing she pulled a soft robe around herself and she wrapped her head in a towel humming quietly the entire time.

Walking down the hall she paused at Keiko's closed bedroom door and eventually let out a tired sigh, "Good night sis...sweet dreams..." With that she continued on to her own room, hoping beyond hope her sister survived tomorrows trials.

The next day found both Suguha and her mother frantically darting about the house as they busied themselves with cleaning up, making lunch, and just generally wasting time trying their very best to not freak out. In less than an hour Keiko was going to be risking her life to defeat the floor boss, and the Kiragayas currently living in the real world were most certainly on edge about that fact.

Eventually Midori settled down on the couch, her work tablet for once being placed aside as Suguha curled up next to her and they apprehensively began watching the days trials.

* * *

"Oh my god I had no idea real life stamina translated to the game like this!" Klein huffed as he took in the boss room door, finally reaching the end of the long trek up what felt like miles of stairs. While Keiko and Asuna, who were both athletes in their own right, were quietly breathing heavily most of the surrounding players were simply dropping to the floor moaning pitifully.

"Fucking-A bro, at least we all go lifting after work, I can't imagine what this would have been like otherwise," Dale groaned as the large man plopped down on the stairs beside Klein.

Asuna watched the panting and disheveled men around her while letting out a soft scoff, shooting a glance at Kirito she quietly whispered, "I can, this is just sad."

Kirito snorted at that replying in an equally quiet tone, "Amen, it'll get better as they level up and the system compensates but you won't see anything bypassing real world disabilities until they're past level twenty."

"Alright people! Listen up," Diavel called out grabbing everyone's attention and Keiko had to admit it to herself, he certainly made for a striking figure. Standing on the top of the stairs, hands resting on the pommel of his sword stuck point first into the ground, shoulders back, long blue hair flowing as he turned his head taking in the group with an appraising look, he quite simply demanded respect.

Oh yes, the man was the very picture of a leader.

"Is it just me or is he kind of cute when he gets all authoritative like that?" Asuna whispered, Kirito just nodded her agreement as the raid leader continued speaking.

"You all know your assignments, so I won't patronize you by going over it a sixth time, but I do have a last minute caveat to the plan. While I have every confidence that we as a group can handle this there is a very simple truth we have to acknowledge, and that is that things have changed from the beta.

"Some of them are minor, some of them are different enough that it's gotten nearly fifty percent of all beta testers logged in killed, that's over four hundred souls lost people." At this there was surprised mutterings as several players shot the grim faced Kirito quiet looks while she silently nodded to her awareness of this.

"So that being said, _pay attention_ , no grand standing and if the worst manages to happen and I'm incapacitated, you are to follow Kirito's orders. She's agreed to hang back and perform crowd control specifically for this purpose, you're all aware she's a capable leader so don't go thinking ignoring her is a good idea."

With that his stern visage cracked and he grinned widely while sweeping one hand towards the door, "With that, the only thing I have to say is good luck all, and lets win this!" Clenching his hand into a fist he thrust it in the air as everyone mimicked him crying out a cheer, pulling her long sword from its sheath Kirito echoed Asuna's flourishing twirl as the two young women exchanged smirks.

"Ready for this partner?"

Asuna nodded quickly as the doors swung inward and the raid group entered the pitch black room, "R-ready, how do you want to start the switch?"

As the sconces along the walls erupted into burning light chasing away the shadows the doors slammed shut behind them, and soon the boss, Illfang the Kobold Lord was visible.

The lumbering monster stood from his throne and even from this distance they could see him sneer at the puny humans that dared enter his court, picking up his bone ax he jumped into the air and landed before the first line letting out a resounding bellow of rage.

A moment later three Ruin Kobold Sentinels spawned behind the raid group causing Kirito to drop into an attack stance, the girl grinning viciously in turn, "I'll counter the initial blow, you use a power attack on its neck just like we practiced. I've got your back."

Charging forward Kirito used a power attack countering the first Kobold's sweeping strike, the halberd now slammed aside Asuna rushed forward and struck the vulnerable neck with a 'Linear' while managing to hop back out of range of a counter in moments.

This process repeated itself for the next several minutes, and while Kirito would have much preferred to be fighting the boss there was a certain sense of satisfaction that she and her partner managed to keep the trash mobs off the raid group. Really she and Asuna had only practiced for an hour before the raid but their combat chemistry was perfect. Although she truthfully wasn't sure if that had more to do with their tactics or the simple fact they'd both been training since they could hold a blade.

Probably both really.

As the most recent wave of mobs was destroyed the two young swordswomen downed health potions bringing their bars out of the yellow and back in the green, while neither of them had been hit countering power attacks took its toll after awhile.

"You know," Asuna began with a pant grinning lightly, "This is actually kind of fun!"

Kirito smirked in turn as she nodded her agreement, "Yeah it is. As much as I want to get out of SAO and as nerve wrecking having the whole dying thing hanging over our heads is, we really do need to remember to enjoy the game."

Almost casually both girls countered the newly spawned mobs mobs attacks and in less than four hits sent them back to whatever digital hell spawned them, the other surrounding groups supporting them taking twice as long to take out the remainder.

"Quality and quantity I suppose," Kirito muttered in annoyance before a raid alert caught her attention, Illfang was down to one bar of health.

"What's going on?" Asuna's confused question was cut off from any reply as Illfang threw his ax aside roaring in rage as he reached behind his back grasping a shadowed hilt, as the blade began to clear its sheath Kirito clearly heard Klein yell out in worry.

"KIRITO! What exactly is a talwar?!"

Out of respect for the older player and simply enjoying being a know-it-all she quickly cried back.

"It's an Indian calvary sword, why?"

As the blade cleared its sheath Illfang let out a dark chuckle sneering in contempt at groups A through C as they surrounded him, "Because that's a goddamn ōdachi which means we've got a demonic overweight One Winged Angel on our hands here!"

"Oh fuck!" Was all Kirito could mutter as the massively over sized katana charged a sickly red and in a second the raid warning screamed "Whirling Wheel about to be cast."

In one smooth motion Illfang spun in a circle sending both the A and B tank groups into the red while throwing them into the far walls. Leering the demon charged group C, the mixed tank and damage group barely had time to react yet Diavel managed to step forward. His shield 'Aegis' skill glowed brightly as he took the entire brunt of the attack sending him flying well past the other players, colliding with the wall in a mirror of the previous groups.

Seeing that the glowing red after effect of the powerful attack had forced a 'stun' status effect on the rest of the group Kirito gritted her teeth while screaming out orders.

"Anyone in the yellow get a goddamn potion down Diavel's throat, NOW! Group D and F flank the monster, G protect anyone in the red while they drink up, E, _on me_."

Exchanging glances with Asuna the two girls nodded to each other as their group charged forward, as expected Illfang sensed he was being surrounded yet again and prepared another 'Whirling Wheel'. At the last possible second Kirito activated her 'Vertical Arc' attack and struck the boss's sword countering his blow for a brief moment.

"D, F and E hit him with everything!" Asuna bellowed and Kirito couldn't help but stare at the inherent elegant grace of her partner as she thrust her rapier into the fat bastard of a monster over and over again followed with how she delicately and deliberately back flipped away before her cooldown froze her in place.

Beauty, skill, and style, oh yes, Asuna was going to be a fun friend to hang out with.

"Switch!" Kirito screamed as she cartwheeled away from Illfang's counter attack and a moment later Asuna took her place and nearly a third of her health dropped as she cancelled out the beasts attack. Before Kirito could turn around and resume her attack Illfang recovered and performed a 'Reaving Arc' strike sending groups D and F flying, and while near death the boss was no where near ready to go silently into the night.

Grunting Kirito charged forward with another 'Vertical Arc but as she met the bosses blow she finally glanced at her own health and stamina bars.

She was in the red.

Without even realizing it she'd become the weak link and was immediately stunned as she was thrown across the stone floor to land in a disheveled heap.

"NO!" Asuna screamed as her partner was sent flying, barely managing to avoid the followup blow as Illfang switched his focus on her. Gritting her teeth she realized she was the only one standing and was likely about to die, readying her most powerful attack Asuna ignored the tears gathering at the corners of her eyes as she prepared to die.

'At least I died trying' she thought dourly as Illfang's blade rushed towards her while she was caught in the middle of her attack animation, then the strangest thing happened. There was a resounding clang as three figures stood at her side, the huge black guy with the kind smile, Agil she recalled, Diavel, and Kirito's friend Klein stood before her in defensive stances blocking the massive katana.

"Young miss, DPS shouldn't be doing the tanks job, why don't you go save the princess while we keep this bastard occupied?" Staring at the kind visage of the ax wielding tank a moment too long Asuna nodded quickly.

"R-right, thank you Agil-sama!" With that Asuna rushed towards her fallen partner while downing a potion herself, skidding to a halt she hovered over the younger girl for a bare second before shoving a potion down her throat.

After what felt like an eternity Kirito sat up groaning lightly, "Could really use a limit break right about now...thanks partner...I owe you..." smiling brightly Asuna extended her hand pulling the ravenette to her feet once her grip had tightened.

"We're even then, shall we?" Grinning evilly Kirito nodded as she saw how low the monsters health was while processing the fact that the three primary tanks were keeping him off balance.

"Once more unto the breach my friends, once more, CHARGE!" Screaming the last bit both swordswomen led the pack of still mobile DPS players and attacked Illfang with gusto. It was a clusterfuck at this point, strategy had been tossed aside in the wake of blind survival instincts and in the midst of this Illfang managed to cast one last 'Whirling Wheel sending most everyone flying.

That is, aside form Asuna and Kirito.

"You're going down!" Asuna all but screamed as the pair cast their final power attacks and as Illfang raised his ōdachi there was nothing he could do to stop the twin terrors from cleaving through his exposed belly.

There was a moment of silence as both girls lay exposed to a counter attack, then the boss exploded in a cascade of green sparkles while a banner declaring 'CONGRATULATIONS' appeared above them. There was dead silence as Diavel limped up to the pair of stunned girls, dropping both his arms across their shoulders he turned to the victorious party with a wide grin.

"Ladies, gentlemen, the floor is ours," and with that every single player thrust their fist in the air as they bellowed at their victory. Asuna met Kirito's gaze and she blinked in mild confusion at the other girls extended arm and clenched fist.

"We did it, partner," catching on a moment later she fist bumped the younger girl as they both turned their heads to meet Diavel's mirthful gaze while he laughed heavily.

"Come on, lets open the portal to the second floor, I owe you two a drink!"

* * *

In a dark room, inside of an indistinct building located in a secluded part of Japan, Kayaba Akihiko leaned back in his chair observing the jubilant players as they danced about idiotically, while his item of interest just stared about herself blankly obviously in a bout of slight shock. He couldn't blame her, that had been a rather harrowing experience, and she'd yet again managed to impress him which only reinforced his opinion that _she_ was the one to carry on his legacy.

Staring at the girls partner a moment the grand maestro clicked a few keys and nodded to himself, it would help keep the pair together which would only further his goals. Perhaps...perhaps it was time he took a more _direct_ approach to interacting with his successor, perhaps through that informant friend of hers? Ah well, he had time, sipping his tea he glanced to the wall clock while nodding, he still had so much to do with the next step of the project, and he was ever so curious how young Keiko was going to handle Kizmel.

* * *

"So," Diavel began, "who got the Last Attack Bonus?" a moment later confusion was once again the flavor of the evening.

"I did," both Kirito and Asuna stated, they both blinked then exchanged perplexed glances, Diavel wondered if either of them realized how adorable they were when they did that. He sincerely doubted it.

"We...we must have downed the last health point at the exact same moment, it happened, _once_ in the beta...how...odd..."

Klein grinned as he extended his hands towards the pair, "Well don't leave us hanging ladies! What did you get?" Exchanging another brief glance the pair looked at their menus selecting the new loot.

"Cloak of Midnight," Kirito stated as her dull blue jacket was replaced with a full length black duster with blue highlights, if her grin was any indicator she was pretty happy with it.

"Mantle of Dawn," Asuna echoed as she suddenly had a bright white hooded knee length coat drop across her shoulders, highlighted in various shades red, and simply put, they both looked heroic. The moment was ruined as both girls caught sight of each other and immediately began squealing about how cute the other looked.

Klein chuckled to himself as the girls hooked their arms together and began walking towards the exit, shaking his head he glanced to his best male friend with an exasperated sigh.

"I'm going to have my hands full keeping perverts away from them, aren't I?"

Dale shrugged at that, "Nah, she can look after herself, and besides, they have six," with that he glanced at Diavel who was staring at the girls in contemplation before continuing. "Make that seven older brothers looking out for them, don't worry so much boss."

Klein sighed at that as he ran a hand through his hair, "That's the thing bro, if I don't worry about her, who will?"

* * *

 **Sure it needs editing but it is finally _done_! Now we're on to the second floor where Keiko isn't going to be held down by prior obligations, and Asuna is gong to learn to really hate cows and appreciate the taste of beef murdered by her own hand. As always, please review!**


	10. Cows, Crowds, and Ninjas

**So, I wanted to make this a 'Real World' chapter _but_ I just got to this point in the Progressive novel and it's rather Argo centric, and I like Argo, so still in Aincrad at this point. Next chapter will be Kou's shenanigans, Midori and Suguha's reactions and Sugou having a rather nasty revelation made public, should be fun.**

* * *

"So many stairs, why are their so many god damned stairs in this game!?" Kirito whined lightly earning an amused snort from her partner who for her part gently smacked the younger girl on the back of the head. Ignoring the irritated 'Oy!' earned for said action Asuna rolled her eyes slowly as she continued to climb the spiraling staircase.

"Weren't we both mocking the boys for their lack of stamina only a couple hours ago? You don't strike me as a hypocrite, well unless you're wearing one of your masks that is...would that even count since you were only playing a part? Huh."

Kirito muttered under her breath about tsunderes and mood swings before replying, "That was different! I nearly got freaking Aerith'ed on top of bringing my A-game out on that fight! I'm allowed to be tired! The guys were just worn out because they enjoyed one too many Cheetos and Mountain Dew breaks in the real world!"

Asuna took in Kirito's contritely pouting visage a moment before giving in to the cuteness as she reached over and patted the top of her head, "Now now none of that. You did great back there and I'm only teasing you," at this her voice dropped its sympathetic lilt switching quickly to one of excitement. "So! What can you tell me about this the second floor?"

Kirito eyed her for a moment before huffing out a mumbled 'tsunderes' then quickly gave her explanation, "Unlike the first floor which had varied terrain the second floor is open plains and mesas. Primary city is Urbus, it's located on top of a mesa actually so hope you aren't afraid of heights.

"It has a lot of space available for player expansion, apartments and the like along with none combat job training, but outside of that it really isn't that interesting." She paused for a moment before snorting in amusement, "Oh and the primary enemy mobs are cows."

Asuna actually faltered her next step and nearly fell backwards, Kirito's quick action to steady her the only thing that saved the brunette from a rather long tumble back down the stairs. Shaking her head and thanking her friend Asuna met the smirking teens eyes evenly as she replied in a deadpan tone.

"Cow? Seriously?"

Kirito snickered to herself as she nodded while grabbing Asuna's hand guiding her up once again, "Yup! It's mixed up of course, there's some bee mobs we can kill to collect stingers to upgrade your rapier and the like but yeah, mostly bovine based enemies. The floor boss is a minotaur so my guess is they built everything around him."

Asuna's face remained blank as they finally reached the top of the stairs, yet whatever her response was going to be was cut off as the doors swung open and the pair got their first look of the second floor.

While Kirito smiled in fond remembrance of the antics she and Argo had gotten into out here Asuna's expression was one of wonder, "It's beautiful!"

It really was, the open blue sky, the rocky mesas, and the endless grasslands truly looked like it was clipped out of a travel brochure and, well...it kinda reminded Keiko of that first night of SAO's launch. Before it was a death game, when she and Klein peacefully took in the breathtaking sunset marveling at the games ability to capture true beauty, rather then the blood sport it would become.

"Yup, and guess what? We're the first ones in the entire game to see it, in fact you are the first retail player to step foot here _ever_! How does that feel?" Asuna's eyes widened slightly then she smiled happily as she hopped out into the swaying grass with a giggle, landing softly she spun around beaming at her friend happily.

"It feels like I've finally taken the first step to take control of my life," Kirito could only grin in return, and to think only yesterday this girl had all but given up on surviving. Sometimes, a lot of times really, she was quite glad her taskmaster of a grandfather had so dutifully taught her the art of reading and understanding ones opponents at a glance.

It made manipulating people so much easier, and to view Asuna's truly brilliant smile because said manipulations prevented the older girl from giving up? Well, the old man would probably have been proud of Keiko at the moment... Then would likely clock her in the head with a shinai for getting caught by said girl mere minutes after she dropped her mask to deal with Kibaou.

Old bastard had been predictable like that, at least Asuna was _ok_ with her using everyone for her own advantage, grandfather would likely have approved of her choice of partners at least and Keiko took that thought to heart.

It really was amazing how much you could resent someone you loved _almost_ as much as you looked up to them. Mom always did say love and hate were just two sides of the same coin and after all, Keiko's relationship with her father was a clear indicator of that.

Feeling _that_ particular line of thought leading straight to the violent part of her psyche she immediately poured her entire focus on Asuna. Opening town portals now, fuming on abandonment issues never, thanks.

"Well good on you, shall we?"

Asuna grabbed her hand and dragged her out into the sun as she began marching forward, "We shall!" She paused a moment coming to a stop as she looked around a bit sheepishly, "Er...which way?"

Not bothering to hold in the giggle that followed Kirito pointed to the northwest and began leading her less experienced partner forward.

After a few minutes of silence Kirito began humming the Zelda overworld theme to herself since it felt appropriate, but all good things must come to an end and eventually their peaceful trek was interrupted by an infuriated " _ **MOOOOO!"**_

Fuck.

"Watch out!" How could she forget about the 'Mad Cows'? These things were a monumental pain in the ass and randomly spawned to boot, sighing Kirito dove out of the frothing beasts way as Asuna let out a shocked yelp landing on her bum.

"The...what? What the hell!" Asuna screeched as she rolled away from another charge, luckily for them the cow had ran into a stone pillar and was momentarily dazed. Taking advantage of the brief respite Kirito drew her sword while rushing over to Asuna gripping her hand and pulling her to her feet in one smooth motion.

"Freaking 'Mad Cows', they're berserker monsters that randomly spawn on the floor, they aggro on _anything_ in the vicinity and they cause a madness debuff that can spread to other players by touch. They are a monumental pain in the ass because we can't counter its attacks like the kobolds."

Sighing the pair hopped out of the way of the renewed charge, Asuna let out a put upon huff as she glared at their bovine nemesis. "How exactly do we kill it then?"

Kirito twirled her sword a bit then grinned, "Kneecap it, you take the left I'll take the right, when it goes sprawling hit it with everything you've got." Asuna nodded and they waited as the insane cow charged past them as they dodged yet again. The two girls then struck out at the monster hitting its front legs, and were thus privy to see the rare sight of a cow going flying ass over tea kettle.

As the now disoriented cow tried standing back up Kirito struck it with a 'vertical arc' and not a moment later Asuna followed up with a 'linear', and just like that the cow exploded in a cascade of green sparkles. Huffing and puffing the pair exchanged a glance then laughed before shaking their heads in unison as they continued on towards Urbus.

Asuna was absently sifting through her inventory when she came upon her recently acquired loot, "Hey Keiko? Is this meat good? I mean mad cows and all."

Kirito nodded quickly at that, "Yup, ironically it's a couple grades higher then most of the beef that drops on this floor and thus tastes better. I _think_ it can be used to make things like ribeye steaks and prime rib, most of the other stuff can only be used to make sirloin and hamburger. I never really leveled my cooking skill past the first floor though, saw no point to it since, you know, could just log out and cook my own meals in the real world."

Asuna looked contemplative a moment before nodding to herself, "Do you intend to level it out now?"

Kirito shrugged in turn, "Possibly, if one of the higher floors has some decent aquatic drops, would seriously stab a nun for some good unagi right about now... Though I'm not Catholic so I guess that loses some meaning doesn't it? Ok I'd stab anyone but my friends for some unagi, that sounds better."

Asuna chuckled lightly under her breath at the random tangent her friends thoughts were taking while coming to a decision, "All right then, I'll be our dedicated cook! You help me collect materials and I'll do the hard part."

Kirito glanced at her a moment while raising a brow, "Deal, but why?"

Asuna smiled slightly as her cheeks pinked a little bit, "I...I'm a really good cook in the real world, and since the game allows your real world skills to carry over I thought it could be something special I could do for you. For...giving me the will to live again..."

Kirito stared at her for several moments trying her best not to make an 'Awww' noise at how adorable her partner looked when she blushed like that. Deciding to not drag out what was obviously a slightly embarrassing moment for the older girl she quickly nodded.

"Sounds good, and thanks, you saved me in that boss fight, I was bleeding out and stunned, if you hadn't gotten me that potion in time I'd be dead. So...thanks."

Asuna's smile practically glowed after hearing this, Keiko once again thought sparkles should form around the brunette when she beamed like that. "Of course, it's what partners are for after all."

With that they fell back into comfortable silence as they approached the front gates of Urbus, walking in their first impression was it had more of an industrial revolution era Europe feel to it than the first floor. Aside from the complete lack of smog, litter, and people mind.

Meandering their way to the center of town the pair stopped before a stone arch, it looked like it was shimmering slightly at its base, almost like water.

"This is the portal to the first floor, just tap the arch and it'll open up the floor to the other players, you do the honors I've done it before after all."

Asuna stood there hand hovering over the rough stone a few lingering moments, eventually Kirito raised a brow yet again, "Something wrong?"

Asuna shook her head smiling ruefully as she caught Kirito's gaze with her own, "Just relishing the feeling that we're the only two people on this entire floor, it's something that'll never happen again, you know?"

Kirito snickered at that, "Yeah, I've felt the same before, I get it," with that Asuna touched the arch and suddenly there was a shimmering flash of blue light and fanfare music playing. Unfortunately neither girl had been expecting the sudden blast of brass instruments so they both jumped back like startled cats.

Before they could fully recover a wave of cheerful people began streaming through the gate, and just like that they were surrounded by crowds again. By very large crowds actually, and hundreds more were pouring through the gate and much to Asuna's surprise Kirito's eyes had widened to a rather concerning size and she had begun breathing erratically.

Not understanding what was wrong and being truly worried about her friend she wrapped an arm around her waist and guided her towards a chapel, once inside Asuna walked Kirito up a few flights of stairs to end up at the top of the tower. Kirito slid to the floor wrapping her arms around her legs as she buried her face in her knees trying not to hyperventilate, all Asuna could do was slid down next to her and wrap an arm around her shoulders.

After a time Keiko spoke up in a quiet, almost timid voice, "Pathetic, isn't it? Big bad sword master who can talk or fight her way through anything, and what does me in?" She let out a disdainful snort, "Freaking crowds, I hate it, I hate it so damn much."

Asuna nodded slowly at this revelation, "Enochlophobia?" She asked quietly, Keiko nodded slowly, face still buried in her knees hidden in a cascade of raven black hair.

"It started when I was ten, my father left me at an arcade to go to the bar with some coworkers since Suguha was with my mom at the doctors and grandfather was out of town. I'd been taking self defense courses along with my kendo training since I was seven, and I carry around a nasty powerful taser so...so I guess he might have thought it would be ok."

She looked up and met Asuna's gaze evenly, "It wasn't."

Asuna really didn't know what to say about that, but felt she needed to say _something_. "What happened?"

Keiko dropped her head back to the brick wall and sighed, "I learned that there are bad people in this world, that the bystander effect is real, and the only person you can truly rely on is yourself."

Her eyes deadened a bit at that as she glanced away, "And I learned when you taze someone kidnapping you and they fall into the street...there's not a whole lot a terrified ten year old girl can do to stop traffic..."

Asuna's eyes widened at that, eventually Keiko sighed and stood up as she stared down at her partner sadly, "I understand if you don't want to be my friend anymore. Normally...in the real world this wouldn't have happened, Xanax is a wonderful thing... So...yeah, you're the first outside of my family to hear about that and like I said, I understand if you don't want anything to do with me anymore."

Faster then she thought possible Asuna was standing and had her arms wrapped around Keiko, "I'm so sorry."

Said girl could only reply with confusion, "For what?"

Asuna released her and took a step back to meet her gaze evenly, "For everything you've gone through, honestly a lot about your personality makes sense now. I'm not going to push you away ok? You're my partner and honestly, the first friend that I was able to choose for myself. I'm not going anywhere, all right?"

Keiko didn't cry, but it was a close thing, instead she nodded while quietly whispering, "Ok..." There was a tense silence as they both stared out the window for a time when a flash of very familiar auburn curls entered their vision quickly running away from two pursuing figures.

"Hey, isn't that Argo?" Panic attack and uncomfortable revelations forgotten Kirito's dark eyes narrowed, as she dove out the window and landed on the roof of the adjacent building. A moment later Asuna landed beside her scowling slightly, "There are stairs you know."

Kirito nodded as she activated her tracking skill and typed in Argo's name, seeing the green footprints glowing on the cobblestones below she finally replied with, "Too many of them in the game, I don't bow down to convenience. Come on lets find out what's going on, if these guys can keep up with Argo then they can't be up to any good."

Sighing Asuna just nodded as she followed her friend through the streets, noting that as long as Keiko had something to focus on, the crowds didn't seem to bother her. That was probably her coping technique for the most part, just focus on a goal or objective and ignore the bystanders. It was obviously effective considering everything, she must have lost her control only due to the sudden appearance of the crowds of bench warmers.

Asuna had to pause at that, at what point did she start thinking of those who didn't fight on the front lines as bench warmers? Huh...a thought to mull over later. Eventually Argo's trail led them outside of the city near a cliff edge, without any hesitation Kirito managed to climb up the rock face in seconds and was quickly rushing along as if nothing had happened.

Apparently Asuna was taking the low road.

When she eventually found the Information Broker she saw that the men had cornered her, and Argo wasn't taking too kindly to their actions.

"I told you I'm not selling you this information! It's nothing against you or your damn clan I'm not selling it to _anyone_!"

"One would assume you intend to hoard the information so you may monopolize it to further inflate the price, yet you insist you won't sell it regardless. Why?"

"Because reasons! I don't have to tell you anything!"

The other guy growled at this before speaking, they both spoke in stuffy, archaic manners that really didn't fit in the modern world, "We need that information to earn the Extra Skill to finish our builds! You are interfering with our plans and earning the ire of our entire clan!"

Asuna blinked at that, Extra Skill? What was that? Before anything else could be said and done there was a blur of motion as Kirito landed beside Argo with her sword drawn, startling all present.

"Oh it's you assholes! What the hell was your guilds name again? Fu..food? Fugue...no not that one either..."

"We are the Fuma Ninja Force!" Asuna took that as her queue to reveal herself as Kirito snapped her fingers and pointed at the speaker.

"Right, them, Asuna let me introduce to you the bane of my beta existence, role players."

"Role players?" Asuna asked startling the men into turning around in surprise, their clothing was a weird mishmash of styles and armor that kinda sorta looked like a stereotypical ninja outfit. Asuna personally found it looked ridiculous, and apparently the feeling was shared with Kirito.

"Yeah these pricks dump almost all their stat points into agility, they'll rush in, attack a monster, and when it gets too rough they run away while dragging the monsters along. Eventually the monster will aggro on another player forcing them to defeat it, but since they didn't tag it first these dicks get all the loot and XP."

Argo grinned widely at that, "The only time Ki-chan ever player killed in the beta was when a group of these guys pulled that trick on her and got the group she was with wiped out, was also how I found out she was a girl since her avatar was always male."

Asuna lifted a brow at that, "How did that show she was a girl?"

Argo snickered lightly, "Lets just say Ki-chan is very inventive when she's swearing and leave it at that."

"Ki-chan..." one of the ninja wannabes muttered as he took a step back from the grinning girl, "As in Kirito?" Her grin was even wider now and there was a dark gleam in her eyes.

"Yup," she stated cheerfully while popping the 'p'. The ninjas exchanged a look and much to Asuna's shock they both bowed to her at once.

"We wish no quarrel between our clan and the Black Queen, we shall leave...for now." With that they both took off in a flash while Kirito rolled her eyes to the sky muttering 'posers'.

Argo relaxed as Asuna approached Kirito smirking slightly, "The Black Queen eh? Better then the Black Princess I suppose, still, you have a moniker now."

Argo giggled as she turned to face Asuna, "I wouldn't laugh too much A-chan, they're starting to call you the White Queen, after all that entire fight was being streamed to the first floor." She sing songed the next part "A~nd together they're calling you two 'The Queens!"

Both girls froze at this and simultaneously face palmed while Kirito swore quietly to herself, Asuna eventually settled for pinching the bridge of her nose fuming at her own thoughts.

Eventually Kirito sighed and turned her very tired gaze to Argo, "So...aside from yet even _more_ unwanted attention being aimed my way, what brings you out here, what's this about an extra skill?"

Argo worried her lip a moment then smiled cheerfully at the younger girl, "You know how I never told you about my whiskers? Why I had them and all that?"

Kirito snorted at this, "No you would tell me, for 29,000 col."

Argo giggled at that while giving off the most falsely innocent smile she could muster, "I'm a business woman after all Ki-chan! Still, those guys had me between a rock and a hard place...literally, and I know you don't fully trust me for good reasons. So, in part for thanking you for coming to my aid and...to prove I want to be your friend, I'll let you in on a little secret. I originally got these whiskers on this floor in the beta, trying to earn the Martial Arts skill.

"I never completed it since it was horrifically time consuming so the whiskers never went away, and they just kinda became my thing. I didn't want anyone to know so I made the price extortion level high so people would stop asking, I really have no idea how those idiots found out I knew."

Kirito leaned forward looking very interested, "Where is the skill trainer?"

Argo beamed at the Queens, since that was apparently what they were being referred to now as she nodded happily, "Follow me!"

* * *

 **So a bit of Keiko backstory to explain away a lot of her flippancy and skill set while expanding on friendships, next chapter we're going to deal primarily with the real world and the repercussions of...well everything up to this point.**


	11. Kayaba

**This is being published only three days after the last update because it won't really fit into the next chapter but I REALLY wanted the 'Big Bads' thoughts thrown out there. Please review!**

* * *

Kayaba Akihiko leaned back into his chair and smiled, things were getting interesting, and as much as he hated to admit to succumbing to that far too human emotion, he was amused.

Kirigaya Keiko had come to his attention a year ago when Argus first announced the full dive equipment, also known as NERVE gear, not a day after the site servers went up all administrative staff had received an e-mail from an unknown source. This person referred to themselves as 'Kirito' and had pointedly explained every fault in their security software and had even bothered writing some of the code to cover the faults on their own vocation.

The reason why? Well, Kirito said it best themself, " _You have something amazing here, don't let amateurs muck it up because you decided to cut costs and hired idiots_ ". The reaction of the board had been obvious, and they cracked down on security firing everyone involved with writing the company's firewalls in the process.

A week later he'd received a simple e-mail in the company intranet filled with a few strings of code displaying how they'd broken in yet again.

The message above the code was brief, " _Way better, you guys are good. Try a bit harder though, only reason it took me this long is because I had to go practice with my sister. Tournament week and all."_

It was at this point Akihiko became fully interested in this mysterious hacker. They were good, damn good actually but they had a flair for the dramatic that reminded him of an emotionally neglected young boy who taught himself how to work with computers through trial and error.

Someone who didn't have formal training yet made up for it with skill and guile.

Much to his surprise it took him two weeks to finally find his query, one Kirigaya Keiko, age thirteen, gender female, grades slightly below average. Going through her files he found that she was only...just below average in everything, from history, mathematics, creative writing, to PE, she was completely unremarkable. Scoring between 75's and 85's in all her school work, nothing jarring, nothing important, just another below average person for the world to absorb and throw away.

That was until he'd hacked directly into the school's mainframe, and found something interesting.

One Kirigaya Keiko had been scoring between 95 and 100 in all her classes outside of history and creative writing, which hovered between 80 and 85. The thing was, the grades had all been altered to reflect that of a sub-par student; and while she was a damn good amateur hacker, much better than what one expect for her age, she was still just a young teenager playing with experienced adults.

He'd tracked the alterations back to _her_ with little issue. Now hadn't _that_ been interesting? This little firecracker had been breaking into the schools mainframe to _drop_ her grades while also hacking into a high end game company's servers for what amounted to her own personal amusement.

Why?

He'd dug deeper, and my hadn't he been surprised at what he'd uncovered?

Kidnapping victim at the age of ten, wasn't that fun? While trying to draw attention to herself as her kidnapper dragged her along she eventually decided that none of the staring idiots watching her frantic attempts to escape were going to do anything, so she helped herself and struck back.

She tazed the perpetrator, who then fell onto the street and was soon ground into hamburger by a passing bus.

The psychologists assigned to the case were concerned about her due to feeling no remorse for the mans death, the only thing she felt was a sense of grim satisfaction that he couldn't hurt anyone else now. That coupled with her newly developed, and entirely understandable, fear of crowds had the doctors worried about her mental health and suggested counseling and medications.

Her mother and grandfather were proud of her though, and while they agreed to counseling, they refused to drug her for anything but the enochlophobia.

The father, well, he never made a statement, and since he was currently in America and had been the past four years, not necessary to reach out to for input regardless.

Keiko threw herself into the digital world and video games to bury her emotions, be they shame, fear, satisfaction, she hid them from view while doing her best to portray the image of a lackluster student to avoid attention.

So very, very interesting.

Sword Art Online beta test starts, Kirito wins the draw due to Akihiko's curiosity. She dominates over her fellow testers further proving his theory that prior combat experience in the real world expands what is learned in the digital.

Kirito becomes one of the most well known beta testers in the game, to the point where Akihiko had truly not been sure if she managed to mod the game without anyone noticing or not. Out of honest paranoia he looks into it and discovers no, she is quite seriously that freaking deadly and the game simply translated it to the digital realm.

He is now past intrigued, he is enamored.

The beta comes to a close, out of all the players that stuck with the buggy mess Kirito is the top ranking participant, and is sent a message that at some point she will receive a specialty bonus that only she can use.

Young miss Keiko makes no effort to respond to this and shrugs the entire incident off, she spends the next three months playing Pokemon, Final Fantasy, and Dynasty Warriors while having daily spars with her sister to keep her skills honest.

Sword Art Online launches, and the young lady who breaks into her schools computers to drop her grades and hacks into multi-layered firewalls of major game publishers to point out security flaws logs on.

She hides behind her regular false name, and Kirito creates her avatar.

She meets a young man, he's amusing and she decides to help him out.

She tries to exit the game, and finds that she cannot

She finds out she is trapped in a death game, and grabs the only friend she's made thus far to try and get out the only way she knows they can.

What follows is a month of quite interesting human interactions, that eventually leads to a rather stellar boss battle, and the creation of true, legitimate heroes.

He couldn't be happier.

The Queens, the Black, and the White Queen respectfully, how interesting, how intriguing.

The masses reaction is so enthralling, he'd initially planned on plugging this hole, ending the transmission. Now though? This was too much fun, Keiko, and her new friend Asuna were simply too endearing and amusing to let go like that.

Would they resent being used like this?

Most certainly, they were human after all.

It would just be such a waste to throw away this opportunity for the world to fall in love with the girl he'd decided would be his successor. Because, really, if anyone could possibly understand his motivations, it would be Keiko.

Thankfully, for all of them, the general populace was borderline retarded, and no one important would look into _why_ a dangerous sociopath had so much interest in a single teenage girl. It would be a very long time before the public at large realized that Kayaba Akihiko had decided to tutor their hero, the ever endearing Kirito, to take his eventual place.

It was...a truly marvelous setup, and he couldn't have hoped for anything better.

* * *

 **Edit-Tweaked a few this and thats, nothing big.**


	12. Redistribution of Human Resources

**So most of this chapter is from Kikuoka's point of view as he's handling the repercussions of the live feed, it's kinda dry but had to be done.**

 **Now, some are complaining that characters are OOC, that they don't fit their previous roles, yadda yadda yadda.**

 **Guys, I've said it like...a half dozen times, this is a mixture of SAO abridged, SAO Anime, and SAO Progressive as well as Nem's personal flavor of chaos. I know things aren't like they are in cannon, isn't that WHY we read fanfiction?**

 **Anyway, once again big call out to Lady Lily Anne for being an awesome friend to bat ideas at, she insists otherwise but I still think she is co-creator of Keiko.**

 **Please review**

* * *

Kikuoka Seijirō was not in a good mood, if he were to be honest he hadn't really _had_ a reason to be in good mood since this entire 'Death Game' situation had become more or less his problem. Sure sure the Virtual Division was put in charge of this situation from the get go but they had never been equipped to do so to begin with, nor after the fact for that matter.

They were supposed to be supervisors of a new era of technology stumbling through its infancy, more paper pushers than anything really; instead they had this life or death scenario thrown in their laps with no guidance as to how to go about their new unwanted jobs.

The Virtual Division was so, so very lucky he was undercover military otherwise they would be collectively screwed; and frankly it was the simple fact that he was not allowed to walk away from an unfinished job that kept him here despite his desire to do just that.

It wasn't smooth sailing in the least, even with Kikuoka's steady hand on the tiller. Oh no they had plenty of obstacles thrown in their path, the largest, most ominous being this goddamned live feed that _everyone_ who worked under him agreed was a terrible idea from the start.

After the floor boss fight on Sunday night their division had been given a rather unexpected reprieve as the world absorbed Kirito's actions. The charismatic, manipulative, heroic and so, so _young_ leader taking her friend Argo up on the offer to find the 'Martial Arts' extra skill, and thus far she and Asuna had spent two days punching a rock to earn said skill inside of a mountain grotto.

On the upside, both young ladies had amazing singing voices, if you were fond of listening to covers of pop songs anyhow, something he was sure Keiko would be heavily embarrassed of if anyone outside her family found out.

That thought led him full circle, where he was in a meeting room with the various ministers leading the government, ostensibly his 'superiors' considering his cover position. Sighing he observed the self serving bureaucrats with a gimlet eye, trying to understand exactly how they were going to try and pin this entire fiasco on himself.

Apparently, they had shockingly realized broadcasting a vindictive, psychologically damaged genius's personal struggles through a life or death scenario without any permission from her or her guardians was a _bad_ idea. Never mind that there was a very real chance of said struggles becoming little more than a snuff film.

Go figure, he'd only been saying that for the entire week leading up to the live feeds release. The only reason this meeting wasn't more tense than it could be was that...Kirito and Asuna were punching rocks singing pop songs, or occasionally quoting poetry or pop culture references at each other. At the moment, they weren't in any real danger, and that made things slightly less poignant for those in power.

Sighing Kikuoka extended a finger to slide his glasses up the bridge of his nose before clearing his throat to gain the groups attention, "So, gentlemen, to what do I owe the invitation to this rather auspicious gathering?"

One of the men, the pig nosed fellow with an overbite, bad luck there, sneered at him as he gestured towards the documents scattered across the highly polished table.

"Your report stated that this girl would be the perfect figurehead for this situation, that we could use her to calm the masses, to let them know everything was under our control. Now look at this! The girl spits in the face of authority, she manipulates and toys with those around her and has no qualms with blackmailing those that get in her way. She is nothing like what the report described!"

Resisting the urge to let his composure slip Kikuoka reflected on the sad fact that, while they branched out a bit, there really were four primary personality traits that you'd find in the average human being.

Ironically, the most rare element was Common Sense, something that few possess, yet most think they have in abundance. More prominent and significantly more dangerous on its own was Pragmatism, a double edged blade there because sometimes the most obvious course of action is _too_ obvious. Next and the most common was something that could be found combined with the prior two but was usually on its own, Ambition.

These ministers, all to the last, exhibited Ambition, but could only supplement it with a watered down, weaker version of Pragmatism, namely, self preservation. This led to terrible decision making skills, as shown with their insistence to go through with the live stream.

Kikuoka and Kouichirou, they had the blessed combination of Common Sense, Pragmatism, and Ambition, which tended to level one out enough to make well formed, educated decisions that in the end would benefit you. Asuna was heading this way as well, now that she no longer had her horrifically overbearing mother smothering said ambitions. Which was good because her partner exhibited all three of these traits, along with the rather terrifying fourth.

Keiko was Machiavellian, the ends justify the means.

She had Common Sense to avoid ridiculous situations where she could, the Pragmatism to accept the hand she was dealt, the Ambition to get what she wanted, and the willingness to do what needed to be done to achieve her goals no matter what.

Frankly, she was a terrifying echo of the very man who had her trapped in that death game, though Kikuoka sincerely doubted she would appreciate being compared to Kayaba.

These thoughts though were meant for another day, because at the moment he needed to react to one of his personal pet peeves, namely, getting blamed for other peoples colossal fuck-ups.

Sighing Kikuoka gestured towards the ten page report before him, "My report went over her extracurricular activities which included taking college level programming and mathematics courses while dabbling in hacking. Along with her prowess at kendo and parkour, as well as her psychological issues pertaining to the incident when she was ten.

"My report described an incredibly flawed, highly intelligent, viciously anti-social young teenager who is willing to leave her own comfort zone to, as they say, 'fake it' in order to survive. Did I say she had leadership qualities? Yes, did I say that was a good thing? No. She is charismatic, manipulative, nearly an anarchist when it comes to authority, and is intelligent enough to know how to play the hand dealt to her. So what I would like to know is how none of you are aware of this?"

There was silence, after a moment one of the quieter officials, Minami if he recalled correctly, coughed while gesturing to his fellows, "Several of my colleagues felt that the report was too long to read, and since you did not supply a summary they had ordered their aides to do so for them."

The man was shot death glares by some of his fellows, but most of them looked rather sheepish instead, all while Kikuoka was silently wondering why seppuku sounded like a pleasant alternative to being in the middle of this situation.

One of the trio that had been glaring at Minami blew up, how a man of his girth had such a shrill voice was beyond him, "If you had prepared a summary instead of requiring us to waste our time plowing through reams of technobabble we wouldn't be in this situation! If-"

"That is enough," Kikuoka stated coldly, he silently hoped his glasses were doing that intimidating glare thing he could sometimes pull off in artificial lighting, judging by the gulping men around the table he had pulled it off.

Good times.

"I did not provide a summary for you fools because I wished to ensure you read the entire document, to fully understand what you were consigning us all to. I was hoping, rather foolishly it would seem, that you would all wish to make a fully informed decision before violating a psychologically troubled genius's privacy in the hopes of staving off public ire at the VR industry.

"You three, yes you, give me these 'summaries' you forced your aides to write, now." It amused him that using the same tone to get his children to clean up after themselves forced them to obey, he wasn't even channeling any of his military training into it.

Reading over the three summaries quickly he pinched the bridge of his nose and couldn't help at marveling at the amazing spin of bullshit they'd managed. This made Kirito out to be a freaking Mary Sue of epic proportions, completely glossing over the fact that she was one firm shove away from becoming a violent sociopath. Frankly, he was impressed.

"All right," he began slowly, "I'm going to remind all of you that this was all your decision from the get go while I was adamantly against it, this is on your heads not mine. You three," he pointed at the trio who had handed over their summaries with a bit of anger in his voice, "Were hell bent on going through with this regardless. It isn't any wonder your aides wrote these up as they did, chances are you'd have fired them otherwise.

"So this is what is going to happen, I've been in contact with Yuuki Kouichirou over at RECT to build up a contingency plan, something that might well appease the girl when she gets out of the game in hopes of her _not_ taking legal action against us." Little chance of that, but it would protect those who were actually against the plan to begin with, all he really cared about honestly, "So when I finalize it, you will all agree to it no questions asked."

Time to drop the bomb, "Or the Prime Minister will find out exactly how badly you fumbled this entire fiasco, do recall I am in the position to give him information directly, so lets all play nice and stop pointing fingers for the time being yes?"

Ah blackmail, it never ceases to amuse, Minami spoke up again, the edges of his lips twitching up ever so slightly as he nodded once.

"We will of course agree to any action the VR Division wishes to partake in so long as it doesn't push your budget or require more oversight from other departments." Boom, like that he had what he wanted, none of those who had pushed for this damned feed to go live wished to speak against it with that threat hanging over their heads and the moderates only speaker had gone out on a limb to support him.

"Excellent, with that I believe the meeting is adjourned?" He was dismissed with a few disgusted waves and left the board room, entering the hall he saw several young people standing around nervously and quickly realized it was the ministers aides.

Oh he could have a bit of fun with this, coughing lightly to get their attention he smiled blandly at that gathering.

"Excuse me, some of you may know who I am, others might not, regardless allow me to introduce myself. My name is Kikuoka Seijiro head of the VR Division and I just left a meeting with your bosses were they near collectively threw you all under the bus. Apparently they had demanded summaries of my report and had expectations that were unrealistic enough that some of you had to get creative in spinning the facts to match your employer's opinion."

Shuffling the purloined summaries he quickly stated, "So without further ado which one of you spun Kirito's highly manipulative tendencies to reflect an 'innate charm'?" One woman raised her hand shakily and he nodded giving her a kind smile before shuffling the papers once again, "And who turned her lack of hesitation to respond with violence to 'Highly protective of her friends and colleagues?'"

A man raised his hand looking honestly exhausted as he did so earning another smile, Kikuoka went to the third and final paper, "Finally who spun her complete lack of respect for the authority of others as 'A desire to strive towards her goals without having her independence threatened?" A gangly brunette man with a thin goatee casually waved his hand with a resigned look on his face.

Smiling warmly at these three he folded the summaries and placed them in his suits pocket before slapping his hands together in small clap that seemed to startle everyone. "Excellent! You three are likely going to be fired within the next five minutes so those fine gentleman can rest in assurance that this entire fiasco wasn't their fault but rather yours.

"So here's the deal, my division is in need of a PR department, something to help along a new project proposed by RECT entertainment to try and contain the backlash of all this. I'm offering the three of you jobs, starting today, including a 10% pay raise over what you are currently making, all you have to do is offer your resignations to your current employer right now. No need to be gentle."

All three blinked as one, and turned to meet each others gaze before, collectively smiling. That wasn't a good sign, they really must have hated the men they worked for, stepping aside Kikuoka gestured towards the door and three marched in slamming the door behind them. There was yelling, a bit of screeching, than silence, a minute later his new employees walked out of the office, all three seeming much more relaxed and alive than before.

The woman, who introduced herself rather informally as Nagi pulled a violet curl of hair behind her ear while grinning widely speaking for the group, "What next boss?"

Gesturing them to follow Kikuoka walked down the halls and much to his amusement the trio fell into a perfect military formation around him matching him step for step, he liked them already.

"Kou, that's our contact with RECT as well as Asuna's big brother has put out a plan to monetize the live stream, with his knowledge of his sisters likes and dislikes, and input from Kirito's family we know what the girls favorite products are. We offer said companies a chance to advertise during the live stream and put all proceeds into an account in Keiko, that is, Kirito's name and split a percentage between those she interacts with while the lions share goes to her.

"Once the new VR headgear is released in a couple months we offer the live stream in full dive for a monthly subscription fee, which as we all know people will pay. This will also go into the fund, so with any luck, when those girls get out of the game and find out they're filthy rich-"

The goateed man, Tsunayoshi snorted in amusement, "Than hopefully they won't do everything in their power to sue the government into bankruptcy, right?"

Kikuoka nodded, "With any luck, judging by her personality though I doubt Keiko is going to be forgiving to everyone."

The man with silver hair, Hayato, finally spoke up, "But if she wakes up to a literal fortune and finds out who is responsible for it, she'll do her best to avoid involving them in the backlash."

Kikuoka smirked, "Exactly."

Nagi exchanged looks with her friends and grinned in turn, "Sounds like fun."

* * *

It took three days, _three goddamned days_ for the two girls to break the rocks and earn the Martial Arts skill. Was it worth it? As Keiko spun around in a blur of moves doing her best to impersonate Spike Spiegel she could honestly say 'yes,' it had totes been worth it.

Asuna, much to her partner's amusement was acting simularly while adding in Bruce Lee level psych-out noises.

The perfect ending to a rather strange adventure if she had any say in it.

Now though the pair were walking back to the city as Kirito was arranging a message to Argo, negotiating the profit split for selling info on the skill and how long it took to earn it. She...she really wasn't sure how to handle the situation she found herself in with the older woman, yeah she had tried to help but...it was Argo. She sold everything, no loyalties to anyone but herself...yet...she really had wanted to be friends...

"A col for your thoughts?" Asuna muttered as she was still spinning about playing with her new moves, Kirito stared up at the starry sky a few moments before shrugging in resignation.

"All my instincts tell me I shouldn't trust Argo since she's, you know...an information broker. But...we were friends, in the beta, before this entire life and death thing became reality, and she had kept my secret, that I was actually a girl. So, I don't know what to do, should I let her in, and risk her betraying me for a profit, or should I just reject her?"

Asuna was quiet for a time before responding, "She didn't have to tell us how to earn the Martial Arts skill, and she really did appreciate you saving her from those ninja thugs. While she sold me bad information it wasn't intentional, her data was just outdated... I honestly think she really does just want to help you out..."

Kirito stewed on that a moment before sighing and hitting send on her message, "I've been such a bitch to her...you're right, I should have been more open minded about it... That aside, wanna find a inn for the night, tomorrow Diavel is going to go after the field boss and he wants us there, you in?"

Asuna grinned as she grabbed Kirito's hand and began swinging the intertwined limbs back and forth, "Of course, we're partners after all!"

* * *

 **HAHAHA! Fuck you writers block! I won out! *Cough* please review.**


	13. Deals Made In the Dark

**_I've been suffering form some severe writers block and insomnia, the only reason any of this got written was due to Lady Lily Anne pushing me to do so. Read, Review, and please, have fun._**

* * *

"Keiko, wake up!"

Said teenager jumped into startled alertness a bit too quickly and rolled off her bed in a tumbling heap, all while being too out of it to react fast enough to stop herself from landing on the floor face first.

Lovely beginning of the day, truly.

Turning over onto her back with a groan she glared up at Asuna who easily dismissed said glare mainly due to the fact that it made Kirito look like an irate kitten. Obviously annoyed, but too cute to actually be considered all that threatening, a moment later she took to her feet with a huffing sigh.

Knowing full well she couldn't be bruised in the world of Sword Art Online the young teen checked herself for injuries regardless mostly due to time honed practice if nothing else.

You didn't train with a sadistic kendo master for half your life without being forced to learn to automatically catalog what was happening to your own body after all.

Oddly enough she was quite aware her departed grandfather would have happily approved of her assessment, and frankly she didn't know how to react to that realization and instead chose to ignore it, fewer headaches and questions that way.

Grunting in satisfaction that everything was functioning as it should be she turned to her partner while sighing lightly, "Couldn't you have woken me up in a more pleasant, less startling manner?"

Laughing Asuna walked towards the door, "I tried, it's not my fault you sleep like a hibernating bear. Now hurry up, I made breakfast and it's best to get to it before it goes cold." Keiko froze up at that, food she didn't have to prepare for herself, made by someone who actually knew how to work their way around a kitchen was a blessing that must never be dismissed.

Keiko sped downstairs without hesitation anxious to see what was awaiting her, leaving Asuna's lilting laughter behind in her rush.

Asuna may not have a lot of cooking experience in game, but it was already amazing because unlike Keiko, who specialized in fast yet filling meals in the real world, Asuna knew how to actually _cook_. Coming to a stop in the kitchen Keiko couldn't help grinning broadly as she let her nose lead her to the dining table, taking her seat the dark eyed girl let out a blissful sigh of happiness.

The meal smelled of ambrosia and truthfully she had no idea what caused it to be so, though she'd readily admit to not caring enough about the 'whys' to ask questions. Keiko was a straightforward girl and thus decided to simply pull her plate laden down with steaming food towards herself so she could indulge in its deliciousness. Preparing to dig in she raised her fork high to claim the first delectable morsel when it was intercepted by a kitchen knife.

Turning her quizzical gaze towards her partner Keiko stared at Asuna a few moments before the younger girl quietly spoke up in an almost hurt tone, "Why aren't you letting me eat?"

Kirito sported what _was_ a rather adorable pout and Asuna would admit it was a damn powerful one at that, but her ulterior motives needed to play through.

Removing her knife from Keiko's fork Asuna nodded once keeping a serene visage on display, "First you have to promise that you'll go apologize to Argo, today. Don't drag it out any longer than you have to. After you promise, you get to eat."

Sighing in resignation, Keiko agreed. For someone who had only met her roughly a week ago Asuna was learning about her tells and weaknesses far too quickly.

Her fault for partnering up with a smart girl though, ah well. The meals she'd made thus far have made it worth it, plus it was really nice to have someone on your own level to talk to when you were in the mood for chitchatting.

It had been three days since the pair had earned their Martial Arts skills, and once returning to town Asuna and Kirito had taken up shop in one of the larger and nicer inns. This was mostly due to Asuna wanting a room with a kitchen to grind her cooking skill in and Kirito having the excess Col for her to do just that.

This skill grinding session had occurred mainly because of a rather nasty hiccup in the front liners ranks. While Diavel had wanted to scout the field boss days ago he'd run into something none of them had been anticipating nor where they prepared to deal with the repercussions entailed.

Namely, politics.

There were roughly three groups all vying for the leadership position, Diavel leading one of them of course, Lind, who was an unknown quantity, and for reasons no one could explain, Kibaou at the head of another. They couldn't reach a consensus on _anything_ and after a time the girls simply walked away to do their own thing while the boys argued and postured.

While Kirito and Asuna were for all intents and purposes highly educated and well trained young ladies neither of them had any kind of patience for politics. Asuna had an understanding and respect for them due to her heritage but her mother's insistence to micromanage her entire life had prevented Asuna from getting any real training in the field.

Kirito on the other hand knew how to manipulate people for her own purposes and held no reservations about abusing her talents to sate her self interests. Playing mediator to a bunch of over bearing egos that looked down on her though?

Out of the question.

Not because she couldn't handle it mind, rather because she simply did not give a fuck what other people thought, like at all. Manipulating people into doing what she wanted? Yeah, fine, she'd do what was necessary to steer them where they were needed and wouldn't bat a lash in the process.

Becoming a bloody bureaucrat handling all the petty squabbling with no gain being visually present? Not happening, she only had so much inborn patience and placating self important windbags would easily consume what little she had.

This...was not something she would regularly admit to, but she felt no shame in her opinions.

If she gained nothing, she did not care.

Surprise.

Though there were limited exceptions to this rule obviously, her family for one, and rather recently Klein, Asuna, and Argo, but outside of that?

Yup, apathy.

So munching through her delicious breakfast Keiko mulled over the best way to confront...no...that was the wrong term wasn't it? The best way to _approach_ Argo and explain her thought processes to the older teen, and hopefully retain a civil relationship with her in the aftermath. Not a good idea to alienate SAO's primary information broker after all, pity so many other people hadn't quite grasped that little factoid yet. Ah well, she was able to see natural selection in action regardless, good times.

Resisting the urge to lick her plate clean (and it was a strong one at that) Keiko sighed in satisfaction as she leaned back into her chair and contemplated the day ahead. Asuna was probably going to grind her tailoring while she went out to farm mats for their gear upgrades, both their coats and swords had quite a few levels to fill out after all.

Or, she could just get the Argo thing out of the way _now_ and move on from there, and she already knew which option Asuna would want her to choose.

Path of least resistance it is then, turning to Asuna Kirito smiled wanly, "Do you want to message Argo, or shall I?"

* * *

Argo sprinted through Urbas's tight alleys doing her level best not to touch the grime stained walls in the process, a chore she knew that would be meaningless in the world of Aincrade yet she did it regardless.

Oddly enough the desire to avoid getting tetanus bled through into the digital realm, Argo had no explanation for it other then simple survival habits, humans were strange, incomprehensible beings like that. Plus, it was best not to get sloppy, she had these ingrained reactions for a reason after all.

Kicking off the alleys claustrophobicly close walls while gradually gaining altitude the young woman eventually landed on the balcony of her predetermined building with little sound. After pushing open the stain glass door she soon sauntered past the gathered rows of chairs. Approaching the single seated figure Argo came to a stop before coughing lightly to draw attention to herself.

"I'm here, Ki-chan" she began slowly, "What is it that you wanted to talk about?"

There was a tense silence and eventually a teenage girl stood from one of the chairs turning to face Argo, a moment later her contact dropped her shoulders while sighing deeply.

"I'm sorry Argo. I'm sorry for losing trust in you, I'm sorry for cutting you out, I'm sorry for everything. I was scared to let you in with your information network and all, I was just scared of what could have happened. I'm...sorry I didn't trust you as a friend, like I had before this entire death game thing. I don't like, nor trust people on a normal basis, and with it being life or death...well just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you. I let that thought process control my actions...and I'm sorry. That's all I really have to say..."

Argo stared at the newly revealed Kirito a few moments before smirking slightly, nodding once in return she extended her hand and opened it revealing her open palm, "I accept your apology, now what do you want to do about it?"

Kirito grasped the offered hand squeezing it tightly while evenly stating, "Win this game and go home."

Argo grinned in response, "Good answer."

Kirito shifted about a bit before sighing and nodding slightly, looking a bit lost as what to say she eventually broke the silence sounding a bit unsure. Unbeknownst to her this demeanor made the young woman sound rather cute in the 'Completely clueless in social situations' kind of way but Argo would never tell her that.

"The real you looks good, by the way. Even with those damnable stripes on your cheeks."

Argo chuckled at that, "You and Asuna are the only ones who know why I have these bloody things. No one else will ever find out, Ill keep the Martial Arts skill secret by the way. Just you, me, and Asuna. I don't care about the potential profit."

Keiko tilted her head to the side staring at the young woman appraisingly before raising a single brow in question, "Why?"

Argo actually looked offended as she placed both hands on her hips leaning forward to place her nose against Keiko's, "Because you're my friend and I want to keep you safe. That also means I'll keep your talents secret so you can always have a leg up, I worry about you like that."

Not knowing what to say to this revelation Kirito stepped back and rubbed her forehead in confusion. Life was so much simpler when everyone ignored you, this having friends thing really complicated matters more than she'd like to admit.

"Ok...but...if you run into anyone who could really use it, excel at it even, please let them know how to gain it, ok? I...appreciate having something in reserve that no one can possibly prepare for but...well...I don't want to be responsible for anyone dying because I was being selfish. I don't think Asuna would be happy with me if she found out..." This last bit was muttered in near silence yet Argo's brows rose in interest.

"Ah, concerned about what A-chan thinks of you hmm?"

Kirito shrugged uncomfortably at that before nodding slightly, "I guess? It's...weird having a partner you know? With Klein it was different, it was like having this group of hyper big brothers who were intent in involving you with everything they were doing. I was...important, but more of an observer than anything else right? With Asuna we're...we're both invested in this, and I don't want to disappoint her..."

Argo had to resist the urge to squeal with delight, instead she just nodded slowly while glancing across the vacant hall, "Ah, I see. All right I promise to keep your wishes in mind. Also, well, I have someone I want you to meet." Tapping her menu a few times she sent Kirito a message which caused the other girl to tilt her head to the side in surprise.

"Who's this?"

Argo snickered a bit before waving a hand off to the side casually, "Just a mathematician and software engineer professor bored out of of his skull. It ends up he worked for Argus and was live testing the system when Kayaba trapped us in here. I mentioned you to him and he wanted to talk, like I said he's bored and wants to teach so he's looking for learned disciples to bestow his knowledge on. You interested?

Kirito tapped her forefinger against her chin a few moments before nodding slowly, "Yeah, why not? Asuna's gonna grind her tailoring tomorrow so I need something to distract myself with." Argo once again reigned in her desire to snicker at Kirito warping her entire schedule around her partner's whims while confirming her agreement.

"All right, meet him in the central gardens at noon, don't be late!"

* * *

Keiko awoke with a flustered snort sitting up as she took in her surroundings. Asuna was asleep in the bed beside her, cuddling up to a pillow while the pale early morning sunlight poured down on the pair.

It was a rare morning that she awoke first, which meant no breakfast, but it also meant not getting startled into falling out of her bed.

She decided it was a wash and simply walked away from the entire situation.

Cracking her neck to the side she equipped her armor and sword while tiredly dragging a loaf of cheese bread from her inventory, gnawing on her meal she stepped out into the sunlight glaring up at the sky.

It was so obnoxiously blue..

Pushing that rather idiotic thought aside Keiko continued walking down the street and absently checked her calendar, oddly enough she was actually almost on time. A bit early but hey, who was she to complain?

Weaving her way through the early morning travelers Keiko plopped down in an open seat outside of Urbas's largest bakery and quickly ordered a glass of mead. She wouldn't be disabling her morality functions, not in the open like this, but mead was rather tasty and she had the Col to burn, so why not?

Sipping on her newly arrived beverage Keiko micromanaged her personal army's material issues while mulling over the best person to turn the entire thing over to. She had no desire to lead these people any further, and while she felt responsible for them she just couldn't bring herself to care enough to wear the mantle they wanted her to.

Maybe she could give them all to Diavel or Klein? They both excelled at leadership positions after all...

Her musings were halted when an older man chuckled behind her, "My, you're a bit of a workaholic aren't you?"

Leaning her head back Keiko met the man in question's gaze evenly, "Subordinates exist solely to make life more difficult for you as they poorly handle everything you assign to them. It's why you become management and they, do not."

The man laughed a bit before pulling a chair out and plopping into it, starring at Keiko a few moments he eventually nodded, "You're Argo's friend aren't you? Kirito?"

She nodded slowly closing her menus before responding, "Yes, your the mathematician and professor she was talking about right? The one who was bored out of his skull and actually worked for Argus?"

He nodded slowly as he ran is finger down the tables wood grain, "Yes, I am. I hope you don't hold my association against me."

Kirito laughed at that, "You're just as trapped as me my friend, can hardly hold that against you. So, if you're bored, and you need someone to bat around the gray matter to keep yourself sane, what do you wanna talk about?"

The man grinned, "How about Artificial Intelligence? Oh, and please, call me Heathcliff."


	14. To Learn From a Master

**Once again, mad props to Lady Lily Anne for being an amazing partner in crime and beta reader. This one is more over arching plot development so no action this chapter, but fear not there will be plenty next. Also before anyone asks yes we're going to be jumping floors soon, as much as I want to add more Progressive content we're both itching to get to the higher floors. Personally I'm looking forward to Laughing Coffin, THAT is going to be a blast.**

 **Anywho I hope you all enjoy and please REVIEW!**

* * *

A disheveled ragtag group of players stumbled into Urbus looking exhausted beyond words after yet another long day of scouting the field boss. They were worn down, tired, and quite simply indifferent to the world around them while they marched on grumbling to each other, the setting sun casting long shadows on the buildings ahead of them.

"We have _got_ to figure out some sort of permanent command structure, this is just getting ridiculous!" Klein whined plaintively yet no one corrected him for his outburst, they all agreed with his assessment after all.

"I blame Kibaou," Kirito stated flatly as she adjusted the strap of her sword's sheath laying across her shoulder, while Asuna just rolled her eyes at the declaration.

"You blame Kibaou for everything Kei-Kirito, it kind of takes away from the gravity of the situation when you use the same constant scapegoat to blame all your troubles on."

Kirito glanced at her partner a moment before drawling out, "Ok Wonder Woman, when was the last FUBAR situation during a group action _not_ Kibaou's fault in some way shape or form?"

Asuna fell silent at that as she thought it over but was quickly saved by Diavel, "That...boar...demon thingy? Hogulous? The one that doesn't really seem to belong on this floor? That mess was Lind's fault, rushed in before everyone else. Complete mayhem, twelve people nearly died and the loot was crap, Lind insists it was all part of his brilliant plan even after the fact."

Klein tilted his head to the side at that looking confused, "I didn't hear about that one, what happened, and what was his brilliant plan?"

Kirito grimaced and spoke before Diavel could, "It was a minor field boss in the bramble fields, deep south of here. Think a really freaking huge and pissed off warthog on steroids. I didn't bother dragging us down that way because the loot drops were crap in the beta and finding the damn thing took us _days."_

Diavel nodded in confirmation as the weary party entered a tavern and they all plopped down onto the rigid wood chairs as they collectively let out a sigh of relief, finally they were in truly safe territory now.

Everyone removed their morality settings as they ordered as much alcohol as they could afford, and got to drinking. Downing half his tankard Diavel eventually sighed and slammed it onto the table in satisfaction before continuing where Kirito left off.

"We bothered with it because whoever got the Last Attack Bonus had a chance of getting a piece of tank gear, which obviously explains why Kirito and Asuna didn't care about it in the slightest." At this both girls lifted their tankards in acknowledgment before throwing their glasses back, downing the blessedly alcoholic contents held within.

"Anyway after six hours of trying to find the damn thing in these bramble fields it aggros on one of Lind's men, so what does he do? Does he form battle lines? Does he request reinforcements? No, he screams that everyone is supposed to group up and hit it till it dies."

Every player in the bar stared at him in wide eyed silence, eventually Kirito snorted as she ordered another drink, "Yeah ok, I take it back, Kibaou has competition in the 'Most Oblivious Group Leader' department. I'm sure his mother is proud."

"What happened after that?" Asuna asked curiously as she accepted her refill from the NPC barmaid, Diavel rolled his eyes to the ceiling as he leaned his chair back and kicked his feet up onto the table.

"Well after it gored half Lind's men we managed to draw aggro on Hogulous-"

"That is such a freaking stupid name," Kirito muttered as she shook her head in disbelief, Diavel could only laugh in agreement.

"-Anyway Hogulous turns and charges on us kind of like how Bullbous Bow did this afternoon," At that everyone, including Klein, Kirito, and Asuna groaned in frustration, Diavel didn't blame them in the slightest.

"So here we are trying to take this demon boar out, everyone dragging aggro off the tanks-," he ignored Klein's muttered 'Imagine that' as he continued, "-all while Lind's guys are chasing the damn thing screaming that we're all kill stealers. It was a mess...such a mess...and the kicker? The tank loot didn't even drop."

Much to everyone's surprise a new voice pipped up as a man with a rather distinctive cactus like haircut plopped down in one of the free chairs, "Those guys take themselves way too seriously, do you know he's already got a guild name? 'The Divine Dragon Army', pretty full of themselves eh?"

As the surrounding party stared at Kibaou Kirito eventually lifted her tankard in an awkward salute, "You did well against the field boss, I was surprised, thanks for covering the flanks." Considering she had at one point threatened this man with character assassination, that praise was rather...stilted to say the least.

Kibaou glared at her then sighed a few moments later as he clinked his tankard against her's before throwing it back downing the entire thing in a few gulps much to her surprise. It would seem she was in the presence of many truly dedicated alcoholics, she briefly wondered if she should feign being impressed but decided against it. She seriously had to get a grip on her inherent bitchiness, it was starting to get out of control.

Slamming his now empty tankard on the table Kibaou belched and then nodded, "Thanks for covering my back when those fucking giant bees showed up, hadn't been expecting them."

Kirito blinked in turn at the unexpected overture of peace while glancing to the equally surpised Asuna at her side, "Well, err... In the beta, it was dragonflies but I figured better to be prepared and all that."

Kibaou frowned and shook his his in disgust, "Dragonflies? That's stupid... I mean really? Dragonflies?"

Kirito smiled uncomfortably as she ordered another drink, starting to sway back and forth a bit thanks to her over indulgence, "I know right? Probably why they switched it to giant freaking bees. So anyway, any of you lot run into those minotaurs in the main labyrinth yet?"

Asuna shivered while taking deep gulps from her tankard of mead, placing it on the table she shook her head slowly with a thousand yard stare locked onto the far wall.

"Why don't they wear pants? I didn't need to see that, _no one_ needed to see that!"

Klein grimaced while leaning back into his chair mirroring Asuna's head shake, "Yeah no kidding, I honestly think Kayaba had some hardcore perverts working on this game. I did not need to see a bipedal cow monster's two foot long swinging cod while I'm trying to kill it, loin clothes do not do a good enough job. Ya know?"

Kirito shivered in disgust while nodding in agreement, "What has been seen cannot be unseen..."

Diavel snorted shrugging lightly as he requested another drink, "We are after all stuck in a death game hosted by a sadistic sociopath, maybe making everyone uncomfortable on top of miserable gets him off?"

Kirito laughed at that as she tossed a pecan into the air and caught it in her mouth a second later. Chewing on her snack she washed it down with some beer before replying, "Yeah it's disturbing, but you're all looking at it in the wrong light. When you see a giant enraged, _naked_ monster charging you, what's the first thing you do?"

Argo, who had _not_ been there a moment earlier seemed to suddenly materialize herself in Kirito's lap, all while catching said girl's most recently tossed up pecan in her own mouth. A moment later she snatched the tankard of beer from the surprised swordswoman's grip and chirped out her response.

"Easy, stab it in the dick," chewing cheerfully on her purloined snack and sipping her stolen beer she ignored the openly incredulous stare from Kirito while grinning at Asuna's amused smirk. "What I would do anyway."

Every male present shifted about uncomfortably, not willing to meet the information brokers gaze as she helped herself to more of Kirito's pecans.

"Do you mind?" The younger girl asked sounding slightly bemused, Argo grinned but rather than quipping in return she hopped off of Kirito's lap and landed in the chair beside her.

Grabbing more of Kirito's pecans Argo began popping them into her mouth as she decided to contribute to the conversation further, "While the creepy potential bipedal bovine bestiality crap _is_ a thing on this floor, the next one up has the opposite end of the spectrum."

The surrounding players looked at her in confusion while she just sat there continuing to grin while munching on her pilfered pecans; eventually Kirito sighed while in the same motion grabbing the bowl of pecans back from Argo who pouted in turn.

"Next floor you can start a series of quests with either forest elves or dark elves, the beautiful people of most all fantasy games."

Several people perked up at this, either intrigued or at the very least interested in free information.

"Really" Klein began, "Like, Lord of the Rings and all that?"

Argo and Kirito exchanged looks and then they both shrugged in mutual agreement, the information wasn't worth charging anyone for, "Yes you find a pair of elves dueling it out in the woods. A Forest Elven Hallowed Knight and a Dark Elven Royal Guard," Argo stated while snatching the bowl of pecans back from Kirito.

Her friend rolled her eyes as she continued for the now busily snacking information broker, "It's a pair of massive chain quests that leads all the way to the ninth floor while offering loot rewards and XP along the way. The elves are all beautiful, opposite of the minotaurs down here, funny thing is while the dark elves dress appropriately for medieval combat, the forest elves..."

Diavel began snickering as he nodded slowly, "Well lets just say they fit in most fantasy settings yes?"

Kibaou drained another tankard of beer before belching again while scratching his head, "So what, forest elves dress slutty?"

There was a collective sigh and rolling of eyes but eventually Kirito responded in a put upon tone, "Yes Kibaou the forest elves dress slutty."

He grinned at that while ordering another drink, simply nodding in approval at the revelation

Klein of course had to cheerfully throw out, "Know who I'm siding with then!"

Kirito rolled her eyes in exasperation as Asuna tilted her head so only her partner could hear her, "We're siding with the dark elves, right?"

Kirito smirked and nodded, "Right."

"The boys are screwed," Asuna chirped cheerfully as the pair bumped fists under the table.

Time went on and the tavern became more crowded, and while they hadn't had much progress on the field near everyone was in good cheer as they swapped exaggerated tales of their exploits, or just gossiped with the occasional bark of raucous laughter. Eventually a now quite tipsy Kirito noticed the arrival of a tall man with steel grey hair and a rather severe scholarly face, she grinned as she waved for the man's attention.

"Sensei! Join ush for a drink?" Heathcliff turned to assess the grinning teenager as she took another sip from her tankard, he raised a single brow while managing to keep a straight face at her antics which was admittedly, impressive.

"You realize young lady that you _are_ in fact underage to drink alcohol correct?" Despite that he approached the table and took the seat Argo had vacated at some point while the dark eyed teen shrugged indifferently.

"S-s'ok, I won't tell anyone if you don't, k?" Before he could reply Asuna's inquisitive visage popped up from behind Kirito's head as she gave him a scrutinizing look.

"Who'sh the old guy Keiko?" Asuna stammered out in a half slur, not even noticing she slipped out Kirito's real name, which was at this time acceptable since she hadn't noticed either.

"Thish is Heathcliff, he'sh a programming professor and we've been talking shop the pasht few days! It'sh great to have someone know what you're talking about! Or...huh...empty. Barmaid, more beer!"

Before the NPC could comply Heathcliff sighed and took the empty tankard from her and placed it out of reach, "I do believe you've had enough tonight young lady. Over indulgence is unbefitting someone of your intelligence."

Kirito looked down at the table sheepishly but before she could say anything Asuna cut in, "It'sh not her fault. Keiko hash a low tolerance for _stupid_ people, but it'sh all we've had to work with, can't get anything done becaushe thoshe stupid boys can't shtop postu...po..."

"Posturing," Kirito finished for her, having already reactivated her morality function, she quickly felt the haze of her buzz lift away before shooting Heathcliff a chagrined look. "Sorry about that Sensei, bad day."

He chuckled at that while waving it off, "I was young once too, I know how it goes. I do warn you though, drowning your woes in alcohol helps in the moment, but when you wake up in the morning hungover, you're still in charge of an entire department of incompetents. Just with a headache and feeling nauseous that is."

Both girls shuddered at this but didn't add anything to it as Kirito was gently guiding Asuna's hand to re-enable her morality function, not five seconds after it was activated her partners cheeks turned bright red in embarrassment. Crossing her arms on the table she buried her face in them groaning in shame, and while Kirito did feel a twinge of pity for her, it wasn't a very strong one.

As it ends up drunk Asuna is rather fun and generally amusing to listen to, but Keiko would never tell her that.

"So," Heathcliff began, "You're running into human resource troubles I take it?" It was an oddly clinical way of putting it but not _wrong_ by any stretch of the imagination.

Kirito pinched the bridge of her nose nodding slowly, "Too many cooks in the kitchen. Even though Diavel was a damn good raid leader everyone with delusions of grandeur has splintered off and formed their own groups. Which is _fine_ , since the second floor was intended to do just that so you'd be prepared to found your guild on the third floor. Problem is?"

"Everyone wants to be the boss," Asuna finished for her, cheeks still a bit red from her drunken antics but otherwise looking coolly professional. "Diavel has talent as a leader he just can't get all these egos to coordinate because most of them think _they_ know best. Some like Klein are so laid back it doesn't matter, but the others? Ugh..."

Heathcliff nodded at that 'hmmm'ing contemplatively before responding, "Well, you could try finding other groups who could work together more reliably I suppose. Since I wasn't involved with it how did you get everyone to work together to clear the first floor?"

Kirito leaned back in her chair swaying it back and forth a bit as she stared up at the ceiling, "Combination of desperation, Diavel's charisma, and the training I'd been giving the newbies. The desperation is gone and replaced with ambition, unfortunately it's mostly the self interested kind so getting people to work as one cohesive unit is well...proving to be difficult."

Heathcliff tilted his head to the side a bit while cocking a brow, "So part of what led to your clearing the floor was the training you gave new players? Pardon but I took it from our discussions that you aren't all that fond of attention, especially the kind that can single you out like that."

Asuna nodded in agreement and spoke before Kirito could, "She hates being the center of attention, and has her reasons for it, but no one else was taking the lead so she did what she had to do."

Kirito shot Asuna a brilliant smile in thanks and turned back to Heathcliff missing the way it made her partner's already rosy cheeks darken further. After all, genuine smiles from Keiko without a mask being placed over them were a rarity.

"She's not wrong, I want out of this game, I want to go home, and just sitting in the Town of Beginnings wasn't going to get me what I desired. So yeah, even though I left my comfort zone I did what needed to be done to get what I wanted."

Heathcliff rested an elbow on the table and let his chin fall into his hand as he stared at his student for several seconds before speaking.

"Kirito, if what I'm taking from this is that no progress was being made until you took control, what are you doing now?"

She grimaced at that and deactivated her morality settings yet again ordering another beer, take a deep pull from it she cradled the tankard in her hands while staring down at her liquid reflection.

Eventually, she sighed, "I'm doing my part, I've already done more than my part really. I trained hundreds of players, I've saved anyone I could feasibly help, and I did it all knowing full well at any given point I might collapse in a panic attack... I figured... I figured that now that we have momentum, now that everyone knows we can actually win, that I could step out of the spotlight. Just, you know, help from the sidelines, let someone else deal with the bloated egos, stupidity, and crowding..."

Asuna placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze, which was appreciated, while Heathcliff silently analyzed her with his near disturbingly neutral gaze. They all sat there in contemplative silence for a time, lost in thought as the surrounding players continued to drink and banter with each other. Kirito noted with some mild amusement that Klein and his boys were teaching Diavel and his crew some very crude sailor ditty that probably shouldn't be sung around minors. Not that she'd stop them, they deserved to let lose now and then after all.

Before her thoughts could wander further Heathcliff broke his silence, "That's what you thought when you got onto the second floor, correct?" She nodded, "If that was what you thought before, what do you think now?"

Asuna felt that Keiko's expression was rather unique as the question was processed with all due consideration. It was something of a mix between a grimace, horror, resignation, and disgust, all in all a rather impressive display really.

"I think," she ground out between clenched teeth, "That if anything is going to get done I may very well have to use my connections and reputation to at the very least form up a core group I can rely on to follow orders. I think...ugh...I think I'm going to have to take a permanent leadership role if we want to make any actual progress."

She probably could not have sounded more disgusted with the concept if she had tried, glancing down at the half empty tankard in her hands she sighed and placed it on the table pushing it away. This had been something she had going on in the back of her head the past few days, the realization that if she wanted it done right she'd have to do it herself. Which sucked, because her social phobias coupled with her badly frayed ability to resist the urge to strangle the idiots surrounding her didn't make for good leadership qualities.

"Sensei, I don't mean to be rude but I think I'm turning in for the night, I have a lot to mull over." She stood and gave Heathcliff a polite nod, glancing over to Asuna her partner stood from her seat and stretched out a bit before smiling in turn.

"Yeah, I'm beat regardless, lets get some rest and think about this in the morning." Saying their fair wells the two young ladies left the tavern leaving Heathcliff on his own, he lingered for a few more minutes before heading back to his own lodgings. Ten minutes later, when he was securely in his room he opened his menu and logged out of the game.

Kayaba sat up from his bed grimacing as his back cracked, he was not getting any younger and while he was generally apathetic about most things even he disliked the aches and pains involved with aging. Removing his Nerve gear he dropped it on the bed and stood stretching languidly, walking over to the fridge he took a bottle of water out and sipped on it while contemplating tonight's events.

They had gone remarkably well all things considered.

His own frustration with the players failing to clear the second floor within the time frame he had allotted not withstanding, his primary goal for the evening had been completed. His chosen heir was a crafty one, not easily led about by others, and of the personality type that would dig in her heels if she thought she was being misled. It had been a delicate balance, to bring up her frustrations, what she wanted to do about it, what had worked in the past, and what she knew had to be done but wanted no part in.

It had worked though, he had gently led her into convincing herself she needed to be a leader in order to win, despite how little she wanted to do so. That had actually been a bit of fun really, after all it wasn't every day you could say you manipulated a naturally manipulative genius with borderline sociopathic tendencies into doing exactly what you wanted. Of course, being a naturally manipulative genius sociopath _had_ given him an unfair advantage, luckily Kayaba had never cared much for fair play.

If Keiko had been an adult he would have been concerned that the one he'd chosen to carry on his legacy was too easily led astray, luckily for him she was not. At only fourteen she had years to learn, years to grow and become someone quite remarkable, and if his estimations were correct he'd have two of those years minimum to himself to properly groom her.

Sitting in his plush computer chair he turned the monitor on and began reviewing the various AI he was toying with in their boxed environments and observed them silently. CARDINAL was at its core one of the most advanced AIs in the world, if not _the_ most advanced, and as the system changed and adapted to the players in Aincrade it evolved slowly on its own. This evolution had a bleed through effect, various other programs slowly becoming contaminated, changing, and becoming, more.

This had been the original purpose for locking the ten thousand players in SAO, or rather one of the primary reasons. He _was_ after all a megalomaniac and would never lie to himself about it, rather enjoying playing god and all, but that was more of a side benefit to the true grand experiment.

Thousands of players, their minds trapped, CARDINAL observing their brainwaves, emotions, trials and tribulations, learning all the while. Thousands of innocent prisoners living their lives, fighting, surviving, dying, loving, hating, fearing, hoping, all the while CARDINAL learned what it was to be alive, to be human, and in turn let these observations change it.

Eventually, hopefully, this would breed a truly sapient and sentient AI, real life, a real consciousness, and when that happened?

Kayaba smiled, "I won't be _playing_ god anymore."

* * *

 **I ALWAYS thought Kayaba's response to Kirito asking why he did it to be pathetically lackluster, I mean really "I don't even remember anymore." is not an acceptable answer. Now, the sociopathic megalomaniac with a god complex sacrificing thousands of innocents to create true artificial intelligence, true life? Now that's some villain mojo there. Hope you all enjoyed, and if you liked it, please review!**

 **P.S. I really need to write those two drunk more often, it amused me almost as much as Argo's antics.**


	15. Of Money and Meetings

**Lily and I thought it was a bit amusing to emulate some of Viper of KHR! fame's utterly mercenary outlook on life through Argo, and how Kirito fully accepts this because she is a practical woman after all. Likely a major reason Argo was so keen on being her friend, acknowledging what many would consider a social foible and accepting it without word, pragmatist and all.**

 **Sorry this took so damn long, SAO has to be one of the only worlds I play in where I actively have to work against the cannon protagonists actions to make a compelling story and damn if that doesn't just get exhausting at times. Honestly I really wonder if those involved with the original work actually ever had to deal with real human interaction before.**

 **Well, anyway, three months late but my cohort Lady Lily Anne and I humbly present the newest chapter, please enjoy and if you have the time, review.**

* * *

One of the downsides to being Sword Art Online's premier information broker was the simple fact that you were an in demand commodity that was in turn afforded no personal privacy what so ever. Now, normally this didn't bother Argo all that much, it was her chosen profession after all and she rather enjoyed being recognized as the best of the best in her field.

That being said there were times when your most interesting friend asked you to do something for her that was quite out of character that ran against your own plans. Such as requesting an audience with the top four potential future guild leaders later that afternoon and wishing you to be present for it. This kind of request made said already interesting friend even more so, which created problems for the spy master...in the short term at least.

The current turn of events of course demanded investigation, unfortunately being a premier commodity as stated meant Argo had to deal with well paying idiots like this blockhead, before she could do something that was actually much more interesting and undoubtedly far more entertaining.

 _If_ slightly less profitable really, but when it came to Kirito's antics it was usually worth it in the end regardless.

"I know he's doing something to the items! He has to be swapping them or something! But how!? How can he consistently upgrade gear up till the point it's about to be maxed and then fail every time destroying the item in the process?! He has to be duplicating them or stealing them or something! I know he is up to something!"

Argo was once again grateful for the deep shadows of her low slung hooded cloak, since the ensemble did a rather fine job of hiding her eye roll as the man continued to rant. The sad part of this encounter was that he really didn't even want answers at all. No, he just wanted to rage at someone who _may_ possibly understand exactly what was going on with a shady weapon smith, and to agree with his ranting and raving thus proving him to be in the right.

Humanity really was doing its best to present itself as a write off as far as she was concerned, but they compensated for it with loose purse strings at the very least so Argo tended to look at these situations as just a matter of course.

As it ended up the smith in question was actually, undoubtedly, shady as hell, but none of Argo's friends had done business with him, that she was aware of at least, thus she really didn't care one way or another.

It wasn't like anyone had paid her to investigate him after all, and she most certainly did not run a charity.

If the smith was really determined to commit suicide via stealing the best gear off of people who killed monsters for a living, it was on him, she wasn't here to protect idiots from themselves after all. Some might call this sort of thinking cruel, she personally felt that she was following the spirit of natural selection and left the morality of it all to the philosophers.

The worst part though was that she had to settle down for the long haul as the man continued to babble, he _had_ paid quite a bit for the privilege after all, and she was sure Kirito would understand. The girl had a good business sense like that, she just hoped her raven haired friend could keep her patience for a bit longer because really, whatever she had planned had to be good.

Antisocial types typically didn't invite company to their homes without good reason after all.

* * *

Keiko was, to put it in simple terms, mildly annoyed at the moment.

It wasn't an all encompassing seething rage, or an unbearable roiling burden or anything that needlessly dramatic. It was just simple annoyance, which was irritating to the extreme regardless because anything you said about it just came off as whining.

Keiko had a policy, somewhat following the infamous Evil Overlord's list of things to do when taking over the world, and on top of that list of policies was 'Do not make those around you suffer from your temper when they hadn't actually earned your ire.'

Said ire was, unfortunately, bundled with the previously lamented whining leading Keiko right back to square one which left her to brooding silently. Ugh.

Hell, while Argo _was_ running late and thus stalling this meeting the informant hadn't really earned any heated anger over it honestly, she had called ahead and told Asuna and Kirito she'd be late after all. Argo had been considerate but still the delay was...it was annoying, especially since Keiko really had not wanted to do this to begin with.

Ok, _entirely_ because she really had not wanted to do this, but the decision had been made and as they say ' _Alea iacta est.'_

Ugh. Screw her life.

So she now found herself staring blankly at Klein, Lind, Thinker, and Diavel as she tossed a throwing knife into the air and caught it by its tip over and over again while she waited for her friends arrival. Still, the young lady had something to distract her mind with at the very least.

She had only recently been made aware of the minor lag between the Nerve Gear and her thoughts by Heathcliff, and while almost minuscule enough to not be detectable, it _could_ be if you were made aware of it.

That being said, she noticed it now that it had been pointed out, and it was annoying her so much that she was going out of her bloody mind testing all the variables.

Grimacing she muttered a few colorful expletives under her breath as she increased the speed of her tosses, eyes narrowing as she calculated the blades balance, speed, and drop rate. Seriously she could have done this in her sleep in the real world, but it was taking her ages to figure it out digitally; ends up terminal velocity wasn't properly calibrated into the system of all things. Her slightly OCD tendencies railed at this but she tried to push that out of mind for the time being.

How incredibly... irritating.

Her lips contorted into a snarl as she increased the speed again, this time adding a second knife to the exercise as she silently did her counts, still too slow. Still fast enough for the game though, just not for her personal prowess, grandfather would be disappointed in her.

How wearily...vexing.

She'd have to work on it some more, perhaps have Asuna cover her while she worked over some trash mobs? It was a thought for later at least.

Asuna for her part watched the others in the room as her partner fumed to herself, torn between two rather extreme emotions. Pity for the boys sitting there watching Keiko idly toss knives up and down while giving a murderous glare in their direction, or laughing hysterically at how Keiko was scaring them without even meaning to. Argo was going to be sorry that she missed this, that at least was for certain.

She'd spent enough time around the dark eyed teen to realize she was well and truly deep in thought. She had gotten the look about her a few times when they had been attempting to kill rocks for that mind numbing quest to earn the Martial Arts skill after all. It was kind of...well...disconcerting at first, but once you learned all the twitches and tells you could read it well enough, and it was fairly obvious to her that Keiko was not paying any attention to the boys in the slightest.

This, honestly, only added to the amusement factor.

Klein, obviously, got this as well. He had known Keiko far longer than Asuna and had spent a significant amount of energy keeping her safe, very much earning himself the big brother title from said girl. Honestly, as much as it pained her to think of him, she thought Kou would approve of the young man's behavior towards the scowling swordswoman.

Thinker was hard to read, he was exchanging nervous glances with Lind every time Keiko made a grunt of displeasure or one of the knives looked to twitch towards them. Yet he retained his cool, that was good, quite good really since it implied an ability to stay calm under pressure.

Diavel, well, he'd pulled Keiko into the leadership role against the last floor boss to begin with so he seemed to be retaining his calm rather well, Asuna personally felt that he was simply giving the young girl the benefit of the doubt really. He _did_ wince every time Keiko snarled out a curse in French or English though, so he was a bit nervous at least.

Lind was...well... He was an unknown factor which concerned her quite a bit. He wasn't a _bad_ leader per say, just inexperienced, and his stubbornness could really be beneficial if properly wielded. Though according to Argo she'd picked him because he ran in the same circles as Kibaou while having the extra benefit of _not_ being Kibaou. She would have to hold a wait and see policy on him till he had proven himself adequate.

Further thoughts were cut off as Thinker let out a choked cough while pointing towards a darkened corner followed with a startled, "How long have you been there!?"

Asuna glanced to said darkened corner and once recognizing the figure in question simply sighed as she shook her head in exasperation. Keiko for her part only rolled her eyes as she pocketed her knives while standing from her seat.

"Hello Argo," the Black Queen began, "have we supplied enough free entertainment to announce your arrival or shall I get Klein drunk and have him dance for your amusement instead?"

Klein's "Hey if you're offering princess-" was cut off by Argo's snickering as she stepped out into the open while tilting her head to the side, silently assessing the pair of young women.

Eventually she spoke up sounding slightly intrigued, "How did you know it was me?"

Asuna moved first as she shrugged while snaking to the space at Keiko's right shoulder, coming to a stop she leaned into the shorter girls side as she hesitantly stated, "She's an observant sort?" trying to sound helpful and failing hilariously.

Argo's eyes narrowed slightly at that statement as she drawled out, "How observant are we talking here?"

Keiko for her part really had no patience for this sort of posturing and simply stated, "I have a proposition!" Which caused any further arguments to stall while gaining the boys full attention. Good, it only took a week of failed attempts to progress to earn that, moving on.

"Look, what's been stalling us is frankly everyone wants to be the leader of the Raid right? No two people can agree on who is in charge and when we group up it turns into a... well..."

"Colossal cluster-fuck?" Klein offered up with a tentative shrug, Keiko could only sigh and nod in return.

"Yeah pretty much. Look, what it comes down to here is aside from Klein who is all kinds of willing to go with the flow-" said man saluted in reply- "every one of you wants to be in charge. This has gotten us nowhere at all since you're not willing to play nice with each other."

Taking in a deep breath Keiko sighed as she let her shoulders slump, "So this is my proposition. Form up guilds, lead your people as you see fit to level up and progress, while...putting me in charge of the raid groups."

Looking up to meet the men's eyes Keiko continued before she could be interrupted, "The fact of the matter is, I do not want to be in charge. Not in the slightest. That being said, I also happen to be an effective leader despite my lack of interest in the field."

Klein and Diavel both spoke out a 'Hear Hear!' which caused the teen to blush slightly before regaining her composure, stupid supportive boys...

"So I suggest putting me in charge of the raids, and having Asuna as my partner since well...she's the strategist and I'm the tactician. We both work incredibly well together and at this point we've kinda learned to anticipate what the other is going to do mid combat, which can only work in our favor really. If one of us is incapacitated like during the last floor boss battle-" Diavel silently winced at that,"-then there is no breakdown of our formation. Less panic means fewer dead players after all."

Scratching the back of her head in embarrassment Keiko glanced away as she asked, "So...what do you think?"

The room was full of silence for a time before Thinker sighed, turned to Diavel, and opened a trade window, "You win, I honestly thought she could hold out a few more days."

Klein broke out laughing as he shook his head slowly, "I toldya little sis would lose her patience sooner rather than later, I blame Asuna keeping her temper in check for making us wait _this_ long."

"Hey!" Asuna shouted out as a very perplexed Kirito played with her hair a bit trying to understand exactly what was going on here.

"Don't worry your majesty it was only a gentlemen's bet on how long it would take for Kirito to snap and take charge, no need to protect your 'partner' it was all in good fun." Asuna blushed brightly at that as Keiko pinched the bridge of her nose while shaking her head slowly, this idiocy, seriously...

" _Anyway,"_ she spat out tersely, "Are you all in agreement?" Lind for his part looked like he was about to explode but Thinker, Diavel, and Klein all nodded as one.

"Honestly princess? The three of us had been talking beforehand, and had pretty much come to a consensus."

Diavel nodded at that while continuing on for the red haired man, "Basically everything went to hell when you and Asuna walked away from the Raid group. We all came to the rather humbling realization that without you...this was going to take a very long time to get through..."

Thinker laughed while sweeping the bangs from his eyes as he met Kirito's confused gaze, "Nothing was progressing without you getting on our cases to move forward, it all boiled down to posturing. Effectively without your prodding we had stalled out as a movement. We had made a gentlemen's agreement that should you offer to take control of our little coalition we'd agree to it, we simply took bets on when you would agree to it..."

"I won," Diavel stated smugly as Klein and Thinker both rolled their eyes opening trade windows with the blue haired man. Lind glanced to the pair of teenage girls and scowled before sighing and shaking his head slowly as he came to a decision that obviously didn't sit well with him.

"You two are in charge, we agree, Kami help us all but you're our best hope..." Keiko blinked in surprise as Klein, Thinker, and Diavel all nodded in agreement.

"We came to a consensus beforehand anticipating the nature of this meeting," Thinker stated with a shrug, "You two are natural leaders and really we couldn't ask for more. So we'll follow your lead until you get yourselves killed or we find someone better suited for the job."

It was an incredibly cold comment but Keiko perked up slightly as she cocked her head to the side, "Robert Heinlein?"

Thinker grinned brightly as he nodded once, "Their ain't no such thing-"

"-as a free lunch," Keiko finished with an equally bright grin. "Ok So here's the deal, we go kill the field boss, once we make it our bitch we gather our minions and take out the floor boss post haste, thoughts?"

Diavel snorted as he shook his head, "Seriously you call your followers minions?"

Asuna, rather than Keiko replied with an indignant huff, "Do you honestly think of them as anything else in your own mind?"

As Keiko bumped her partner's shoulder affectionately Diavel let out a bark of laughter, "Fair enough! Ok, so shall we take on the killer cow?"

Keiko drew her sword and smirked at it darkly as Asuna and Argo stood at her shoulders, "We shall..."

* * *

 ** _Alea iacta est- Attributed to be from_** ** _Suetonius on Julius Caesar as they invaded Italy in the late 49 B.C's._ Literally, 'The die has been cast,' meaning they have reached the point of no return. Keiko cannot be friends with a bro like Klein and his history nerding without picking a few things up despite her disinterest in the subject after all.**

 **Please review!**


	16. An Outside View

**So here are the tales from the outside as requested, next chapter will be clearing this bloody floor and moving on, holy hell this has taken too long.**

 **As always, mad props to my partner in this insanity Lady Lily Anne, seriously you people would be getting no updates for like...months, without her gentle prodding.**

 **Enjoy!**

 **P.S. Sugou is creepy...I wish he wasn't, I don't like writing him...**

* * *

After Yuuki Kouichirou had turned up at the Kirigaya household to sell his endorsement idea a week beforehand he had quickly become a semi-permanent fixture, because as Suguha had put it, he _got it_. He understood why Keiko would be freaking out if she knew she was being watched by millions, he understood this was wrong on so many levels, and he understood how powerless one could feel watching a family member being exploited.

So with that being said he did his best to keep them updated on the plans progression, which was why he was currently seated in the Kirigayas living room with Midori on his left and Suguha on his right. Both ladies shaking their heads in bemusement at the image displayed on the wall mounted television.

Asuna's planning session, and Keiko's on the fly tactics had worked wonders against the Bullbous Bow field boss, and in less then two minutes the six leaders managed to take the thing down without any troubles what so ever.

Their post victory reactions were surprisingly varied though; Thinker looked contemplative which was no real shocker there, Klein seemed bemused, Lind flummoxed, Diavel just kept shaking his head spitting out curses in German, Kirito was holding the bridge of her nose muttering to herself, and Asuna was at her side obviously trying not to laugh.

Argo was on the sidelines, taking notes to potentially sell to other players when the boss respawned the next day. Waste not want not after all.

"So, why is your girl looking so frustrated at beating that thing finally?" Kou asked in honest confusion.

Midori sipped her tea while shaking her head slowly, "Because, knowing my daughter, deep down she was rather hoping she had been wrong about her leadership abilities. This all but confirms her talents which means she's stuck in the position she volunteered for."

Suguha laughed while nodding along with her mother, "Yeah, nee-chan has always been like that. She will near maniacally avoid things she doesn't want to do, but the second she proves she's capable of doing it she'll give it her all. She doesn't go for half measures. She has to be the best if she has the skills for it, even if she's the only one who knows about it..."

Kou took on a contemplative aire at this statement as he glanced towards the ceiling in thought, "Was raising Keiko, you know, difficult?"

Midori paused at that while raising a brow in question, "What do you mean by difficult?"

Kou ran his hands through his auburn hair a few times before letting out a slightly frustrated sigh, "Look, Asuna and I? We had to practically raise each other. Dad is a workaholic and our mom is just...a self centered piece of work, seriously, worlds biggest control freak. The thing is? We're both brilliant, I even have a piece of paper back home stating I'm all kinds of smartified!"

This earned a chuckle from Midori and a case of the giggles from Suguha as Kou tried to articulate exactly what his point was, eventually he seemed to have gotten what he wanted.

"That being said, Asuna is just as intelligent and talented as I am, but my parents ignore that and are just grooming her to be a house wife when she could be so much more. She resents it too, they don't see it, but that's because she's a good actress and has me to vent to. She's bitter, getting more so, and watching her bloom like this by stabbing monsters in the face of all things with your daughter's help? I just don't know what to think anymore."

He sighed once again, "What was it like? Raising a daughter you knew would never conform to what our society would demand of her? That the world would have to bend for her and not the other way around?"

Midori stared at him a few moments while sipping her tea, eventually she glanced to the side while shaking her head slowly, "Heartbreaking, and at times, terrifying. It's hard, knowing that Keiko will have to forge her own path, but at the same time, I know my daughter. She will not accept being shoehorned into being what is expected of her if she doesn't agree with it."

Midori laughed at that while meeting Kou's gaze evenly, "She will make her own mark on the world, and heaven help whoever gets in her way, because she will not turn away. As I said, I know my daughter, and violence will be the least of the worries she leaves in her wake. Because we raised her to never leave a confirmed enemy in a position where they can hurt you more than the initial strike, and to make sure they can never strike again."

Kou stared at her a moment before letting out an amused snort, "You're kinda scary, you know that right?"

Suguha snorted in amusement as she refilled her teacup, "All the women in our family were raised by a modern day samurai Kou, what did you expect other than a case of silk hiding steel?"

Kou smirked at the trope reference before replying with, "Ok, so Midori and yourself are beauty hiding power, what is Keiko then?"

Suguha replied immediately, "Combat Pragmatist mixed with Lady of War, seriously she idolizes Indiana Jones and The Bride enough to make that fairly clear if you get her going on the subject."

Kou blinked and after a moment nodded in understanding, "Yeah, I can totally see that. I mean, watching her in private and all that...which just sounds so damn creepy, and have I mentioned how sorry I am about the damn live feed broadcasting to every neckbeard in the country?"

Midori sighed as she nodded once, "Yes Kou, repeatedly, and once again we don't blame you at all we know you did your best to prevent it." Suguha simply nodded in agreement as she glanced back at the TV, it appeared the group had decided to take on the floor boss and were now summoning their minions.

Always a good sign.

Kou leaned back into the couch as he continued on, "Right...anyway you'd never pick up those traits if you only observed the mask she showed people in public, that's what I was trying to get at."

Midori snorted lightly rolling her eyes to the ceiling in the process, "Dad's doing mostly. Keiko had always been an astute student but after the...incident, he began teaching her how to hide in plain sight in order to cope with her new phobias. I'll give the old man this, he never once judged her for it, and unlike Tamaki he saw the entire scenario as an opportunity to improve a promising student rather then being a sign of failure on our part."

Suguha frowned and shook her head slowly as the grip around her cup tightened to the point it would soon break, "Dad really took the whole thing in as his fault. He shouldn't have taken that contract in America, Keiko...no... _we_ needed him in our lives, but instead of facing what he perceived as a failure...he ran away thinking it would make things better. It didn't..."

Kou was now incredibly uncomfortable, he'd wondered about the male of the household yeah but this all seemed kinda...personal.

Thankfully Midori seemed to catch on to his discomfort and quickly changed the subject as she motioned towards the TV, "So, what are they going up against now? This floor boss?"

Grateful for the diversion Kou stroked his chin a moment as he racked his brain, "Err...a minotaur I believe. Uses a huge ax, has an area of effect stun capability when it uses its 'Stomp' attack. You can cancel it if you can drag aggro from outside of the attack radius but it's difficult to pull off. All I really know unfortunately, it was kind of, you know...generic, so I didn't really delve too deeply into its mechanics, I'm sorry."

Suguha waved off the apology and shrugged lightly in return, "Don't worry about it, I'm sure either Argo or Keiko will explain it as well as they can, what are they doing now anyway?"

Refocusing on the TV Kou snorted while rolling his eyes, "Pulling a Lord of the Rings I think."

Both women blinked at him in confusion, which only made him laugh in return, "A whole lotta walking, partnered with slightly bored banter, followed by a heart attack inducing epic battle."

Midori grimaced as she placed her cup on the table and then began rubbing her temples lightly, "Oh...lovely..."

* * *

On the other side of Tokyo the newly appointed employees of the Virtual Division's equally new Public Relations Department relaxed in the flat they shared in a not so great part of town. The plus side was that the train station and bus stops were within two minutes walking distance, the rent was cheap, and there was a liquor store around the corner that also sold halfway decent noodles, so none of the trio could complain about the arrangement.

Tsunayoshi, Nagi, and Hayato were technically on duty at all times according to their recently signed contract. Even when they were off the clock they had to have the feed from SAO running in case something important happened that they had to put a spin on in a hurry. It was annoying but the rather massive pay increase, benefits package, and working under a sane, intelligent, and fully understanding boss made the arrangement worth the mild inconveniences.

Currently the mandatory live feed was running on the three friends modestly sized TV when a voice Tsunayoshi was learning to dread spoke a question he just knew was going to give him a mountain of paperwork induced headaches.

"So, you guys think prostitution is a thing in game yet?"

God. Damn. It. ARGO!

Much to Tsunayoshi's complete and utter lack of surprise Kirito replied in a bland yet slightly interested tone, all while Asuna froze up in horror silently mouthing the words 'Prostitution? Wait what?!'

"Dunno, gotta figure it would happen eventually though. Worlds oldest profession and all that, although I'm not sure if most of them know you can even fuck in this game yet so really who knows?"

The boys froze up at this revelation as they all let choked out variants of _'Wait what!?,_ ' _'You can do that in this game?!,'_ and _'Why do you even know about this?!_ '

Nagi, who had turned her head to watch the antics closed her eyes trying to block out the thought of the shear amount of work she was going to have to put out to spin this one.

"Those two are enjoying themselves far too much," the violet eyed woman finally snarked out as she tried to focus on her boyfriends hands running through her hair. You know...rather then the walking talking migraine inducers she was supposed to be covering for.

Hayato sighed tiredly as he ran his hands up and down his cheeks in frustration, "Seriously our jobs would be at least sixty percent easier if Kirito wasn't friends with that woman."

"I'm not so sure about that," Nagi stated tiredly as she locked her tablet down and tossed it on the end table, "I think Argo kind of redirects Kirito's sense of dramatics. Both of them are showmen right? Argo is more upfront about it though, enjoying the reactions of those around her and gaining the chance to tease them for her own amusement. Kirito though?"

Tsunayoshi snorted at that while rolling his caramel brown eyes to the ceiling, "She's like a cat, she enjoys playing with her food, and would likely escalate matters to the extreme. Having Argo around to essentially steal her thunder is probably, likely, and sadly, for the best."

Hayato stared at the television a few moments before jamming a cigarette between his lips while flicking his lighter, putting the flame to the tube of tobacco he sucked in a breath and a moment later exhaled a puff of smoke that was sucked out by the window fan. Accepting an empty coffee cup from Nagi he ashed into it before finally replying with a glimmer of resignation in his tone.

"So no matter what those three crazy broads do we still get paid regardless if they get themselves killed, right?"

Tsunayoshi let out a grunt of agreement as they focused back in on the players in question, who were still bantering between each other over the morality of prostitution in Aincrad.

Despite the raises they had received he and his friends really weren't paid enough for this...

* * *

Sugou Nobuyuki approved of prostitutes for multiple reasons he was quite willing to delve into. One, they didn't ask questions in so long as they got paid, a mindset he could readily connect to. Two, you could do things to them that they'd accept without question that no virtuous woman would ever endure which was a bonus. Three, if they _did_ in fact ask too many questions you could have them floating in the harbor for a few thousand yen to the right man.

So, really, when his girls began discussing prostitution in Aincrad, he became rather curious and listened in intently.

"Look, this game, everything about it, is seriously about enabling bad decision making," Kirito stated as she walked backwards facing the group as she gestured wildly to the skies above.

"What do you mean about that Kirito?" Asuna asked sounding quite contrite, and my wasn't her angry face just the sexiest thing ever?

"Well, for starters, how many alcoholic drinks do you think I've had in the real world?"

The group paused to process Kirito's question before Klein snapped out with, "I know for a fact ' _None'._ You admitted as much yourself."

Kirito nodded at this as she stretched a hand out to the surrounding hills, "None, yet I get shit faced every single night without worry. Why?"

Eventually Diavel spoke up shaking his head slowly in understanding, "Because there are no repercussions. No hangovers, no drunk calls to exes, no fear of date rape, you're basically free to let your flag fly."

Kirito grinned widely at that while nodding once for emphasis, "Got it in one. So what do you think would happen if a selection of players who weren't keen on the whole 'risking their lives' thing decided to put their back to the mattress rather than the wall?"

Sugou leaned towards the monitor as Argo took up Keiko's speech with a wide grin, "Why, if girls-"

"Guys too, don't forget," Kirito threw out helpfully which didn't seem to distract Argo in the slightest as she continued.

"-And some guys too wish to bend over for some Col rather than fight the good fight who are we to judge? Really it is a matter of priorities and...what is it Asuna?"

The brunette was glaring at her for several seconds, occasionally sending a scathing glance at Kirito, before she finally ground out her reply.

"You want to start a brothel."

Argo looked affronted a moment as she began to reply while Keiko gripped her chest as if in shock, "What!? How could you ever say such a thing to a friend!? I mean really Asuna your op-"

Kirito collapsed under Asuna's glare and interrupted Argo grinding out, "Fine yes we're saying if people are willing to degrade themselves by selling their virtual bodies for virtual money then why not arrange for said virtual currency to fall into our virtual pockets? I mean if anyone is going to profit off this why shouldn't it be us?"

The gathered party stared at a nonplussed Kirito for several seconds, Argo looked irritated that her game was up, the boys looked various shades of ruffled, and Asuna was completely unreadable.

"What!?" Keiko finally spat out, not knowing what else to do, eventually Asuna began quivering and shaking, then just burst out into laughter, that had most of the gathering raising an eyebrow at least. Eventually silencing the young woman let out an amused snort as she grabbed Keiko's hand and began dragging her along towards the Minotaur's Labyrinth while shaking her head slowly.

"Don't ever change Keiko...seriously..."

Sugou leaned back into his chair and couldn't help smiling to himself, maybe one of the girls on call looked like his lovely ladies, they were ever so ...delightful...

* * *

Tsunayoshi pinched the bridge of his nose and a moment later downed the whisky filled tumbler his girlfriend handed him while resisting the urge to gag on the rotgut liquor. Extending the now empty glass towards his best friend Hayato readily refilled it as Tsuna just as quickly emptied the glass again.

Focusing his thoughts the young man ran a hand down his recently clean shaven chin, because his boss was a mild dick and said the goatee looked ridiculous and needed to go, and came to a simple decision.

"We're not paid enough for this..." his friends both nodded as one while he turned to face the still blaring television, "But good god damn are we going to make this work and no one will ever question our integrity..."

Nagi smiled brilliantly at him as Hayato gave him a thumbs up while lighting another smoke, they weren't going to let these insane teenagers beat them.

Not by a long shot.

* * *

 **You all wanted more from the outside world, and here you go. My favorite characters to write this time around were the HR department recruits and Suguha. Sugou still creeps me the fuck out.**

 **More soon, please review!**


	17. The First Steps to Glory

**So explanation time. For some reason when I loaded this initially I accidentally loaded the rough draft, when I realized this and that the view count was still low I deleted it and planned to finish it off after I got home from work. Guess what? FF fucked up again like it has been doing since the first of this month and I lost over half this chapter.**

 **So, I'm sick of the PM's asking what the hell happened and I have NO intention of rewriting a freaking boss battle tonight so I'm just going to post what survived and what I managed to rewrite. Honestly, I love the size of this site's community, but my god is dealing with the systems quirks soooo not worth it at times.**

* * *

The three current occupants of the Kirigaya household's living room stared at the television silently as they absorbed the conversation that had just passed between Keiko and her friends, and their reactions to it were rather varied.

Kou for his part, looked sheepish and a bit nervous, Suguha was blushing brightly as she absently played with the hem of her sweater trying her best to seem unimportant, while Midori remained placid as she sipped her tea looking completely unfazed by her daughters words.

Eventually Kou took a long look at Midori's unconcerned visage before he coughed into his hand and asked, "So...umm... You're not all that surprised about what Keiko and Argo are planning, are you?"

Midori shrugged one shoulder lightly as she placed her teacup on the table before turning back to him to respond in a languid tone.

"If you had ever met my father you would understand her thought process a bit more clearly I think. Keiko was raised to be... Hmm... well, brutally pragmatic to a fault I suppose. To her she isn't doing anything wrong per _say,_ she is simply taking advantage of the situation to its fullest extent. Dad taught her how to survive and thrive, and she is using all the resources she has available to her to do just that."

She laughed a bit while shaking her head before continuing, "That, and she thoroughly enjoys getting a rise out of people, and the reaction from those boys must have been an excellent payoff for her or she wouldn't have planned her timing as she had. It was fairly obvious Argo was playing off of her too, I'm going to have my hands full with those two when they get free that much is for sure."

Suguha pipped in with, "Grandfather had a lot of sayings he imparted to us during our training. One that Keiko always took to heart was _'If you aren't cheating, you obviously aren't trying hard enough._ ' Oh, and _'If you ever find yourself in an even fight, you better figure out exactly how you screwed up,'_ and that's how she operates her life. Anything goes."

Suguha sighed while rolling her eyes to the ceiling before letting out a snorted laugh, "I just wish she wasn't so blunt about her opinions on sex, it gets embarrassing at times. Thankfully she usually just keeps to herself in public when it comes to that sort of thing and saves the commentary for when we're watching tv."

Kou nodded slowly as he absorbed this information and what it implied for Asuna's ongoing growth. Pushing that aside for now he turned back to the television and he couldn't help grinning when he saw that a massive group had formed up around Asuna and company, and that they were all listening intently to the young woman's instructions.

She was pointing at a map Argo had spread on the ground and would occasionally lean towards the information broker and her partner taking in their input with a stern glare. After Keiko or Argo whispered into her ear she would quickly follow up with a nod before turning back to detailing the boss fight layout, pushing the stone markers about with a determined look in her eyes.

"Asuna is certainly getting into the spirit of things, and she has all the hallmarks of a good manager what with the way she listens to Keiko and Argo's advice. I...I hope your parents are proud of her, she is most assuredly going to grow into an amazing young lady," Midori said sounding a bit sad as she quickly refilled her teacup. It was fairly obvious she had read between the lines and had inferred the truth of his sister's situation.

Yeah, their parents _should_ be proud, but they wouldn't be, because Asuna was thinking for herself now, and that wasn't in the cards as far as their mother was concerned. Father would likely be secretly pleased but he'd never voice that to his wife, best to keep his head low and avoid her wrath after all.

Kou had occasionally wondered if he and Asuna were adopted, because it would truly explain a few things about their lives and their complete and utter inability to stand down when finally pushed to the brink.

Neither of the Yuuki children were passive or submissive, and they were properly proud of that fact even if they had to hide it most of their youth. They'd both been blessed with intelligence, guile, along with a drive to succeed. So the prospect of becoming nothing more than a house wife was really something that grated on Asuna and embittered herself towards their mother in ways the woman couldn't even begin to comprehend.

Kou shook that thought off as Asuna jabbed a finger into the map while spinning her other hand in the air to gain the attention of the gathered masses. As the group tightened their circle Kou could only stare at the young woman a few moments before evenly meeting Midori's gaze while shaking his head lightly.

"No, they wouldn't be, but you know what?" Turning back to the monitor Kou couldn't help the grin that crawled across his lips, "Me? Hell, I couldn't be prouder."

* * *

Asuna finished her explanation of the boss fight with a nod to her partner who had been silently psyching herself up for her speech, it was time to do this, she could do this... she could do this.

"Alright people, listen up!" As the gathered raid turned to Kirito she jumped up onto a tree stump, and after coming to a rest she crossed her arms beneath her beasts while grinning widely as the wind caught her jacket sending it flapping lightly in its wake.

In game dramatics working in your favor, yay.

"Here's the deal, I, am awesome." Asuna snorted and Klein managed to stiffle a laugh as the rest of the group shifted about uncomfortably, Kirito though looked completely nonchalant as she twirled a finger to the sky while smirking in wry amusement.

"I mean really, I've led dozens, hell, hundreds of players to victory as we trained and refined their abilities. I've gained skills other players have never even heard of, I co-lead the raid that cleared the first floor, I'm partnered with the most badass swordswoman in this game, and my best friend is the most scary in the know information broker Aincrade has ever seen."

Asuna blushed brightly at this while Argo nodded once in acknowledgment, she was the shit and she knew it, no reason to hide the facts and all that.

Kirito let her smile fall as she shifted about slowly while she calmly met every pair of eyes focused on her and a few moments later she chuckled nervously shaking her head and extending a hand before her.

"That being said, I am humbled beyond words that you all are willing to let me lead you. You all, every single one of you, are the bravest men and women I have ever had the honor of knowing. You are all fully aware that this raid, this attempt on the second floor boss, could easily lead to your ignoble death."

Kirito pinched the bridge of her nose as she shook her head a moment before she quickly extended her arm to sweep her long hair behind her ear as she continued her speech with energy and fire, "I'm awesome! And yeah I know it! _BUT_ you all are AMAZING! Kayaba fucked up and he fucked up hard! You know why?! Because you are all _crazy awesome_ , and you know what? All the best people are crazy! So I ask you all, you brilliant crazy bastards, are you ready to kill this blasted cow and show that psychopath who exactly he has pissed off!?"

Kirito couldn't suppress the slow grin that curled up her lips as everyone, from the lowliest of grunts, to her newly minted lieutenants, and even her closest friends raised a fist to the air and cheered with her.

Maybe being a leader wouldn't be so rough after all, she had at the very least gained a few points in 'Epic Speech Building' which was kind of cool in on itself.

Yeah...she could do this!

* * *

 **"** Thank Kami, Buddha, Allah, Christ, and Obi-Wan..." Hayato muttered as he watched the gathered crowd cheer Kirito while the Black Queen grinned down at her subjects. Turning to his friends the green eyed man ran a hand through his white hair while asking, "Ok how do we want to play this?"

Nagi spoke up first, "Messiah complex? No no wouldn't work she's far too cynical for that... Ok not a purposeful religious figure... "

"An accidental one," Tsunayoshi threw in as he walked up behind the violet haired woman, wrapping an arm around her waist he pulled her close as he continued. "She has made it very clear that she has little faith in anything but herself right? So making her be a kind of religious focus for those trapped in the game works. Hell she's enough of a manipulator that she would probably do it on her own if given the time wouldn't she?

Hayato grinned viciously as he began typing on his laptop, "The dynamic savior who ignores class divisions in an ongoing effort to free her comrades from the clutches of a madman!"

Nagi froze, a single violet brow raising up as she turned to her friend in confusion, "Wait... What?!"

Hayato's grin turned into a giggle as he chomped down on his cigarette in glee, "Exactly!"

Tsunayoshi tapped his chin a moment before nodding in understanding, "I like it, completely honest but confusing as hell and empty enough where nothing of value is actually said. Basically it's nothing more than-"

"-A fluff piece. Yeah, my thoughts on the subject at least." Hayato stated blandly as he continued to type away on his computer, eventually he paused and turned to his friends raising a brow lightly as a thought occurred to him.

"Err...you don't think she's going to blame us for any of this do you?"

Nagi and Tsunayoshi exchanged a glance before grinning and shaking their heads a moment before Nagi replied, "She reminds me of a more ruthless Kikuoka, so I'm sure she would definitely appreciate our spinning skills. Especially since we're only mitigating the effect of those idiots plan to broadcast her entire life on a livestream."

Tsunayoshi grimaced at that running a hand through his tousled hair, "Lets just hope she doesn't, you know...snap and kill someone. That'll take some effort I really don't feel like exerting."

Hayato froze and stared at his friend blankly for a moment before returning back to work, "Don't even joke about that. I just...no, one disaster at a time please. My blood pressure just can't take anymore stress from that brats antics right now."

Tsunayoshi snorted in amusement before acquiescing to his friend's plea, primarily because the liquor was finally kicking in and trying to have an intelligent conversation with someone as brilliant as Hayato drunk was just a losing battle.

Glancing back at the television he noticed that the group had already initiated the boss fight and couldn't help sighing as the battle lines were drawn. Kirito raised her blade, roared out a war cry, and the raid group charged the minotaur boss Colonel Nato.

"And here we go..."

* * *

 **I gave Lily a copy of the Progressive novels, so hopefully she can help arc this out in the near future. On a side note, I can't wait to be done with this goddamn floor. Swearing intended, you have no idea the hate I hold for this right now and I'm so glad we're moving on.**

 **All.**

 **Of.**

 **My.**

 **Hate.**

 **But not for you guys, you guys are amazing!**

 **Please review!**


	18. Now We Have a Sexy Elf, Yay?

**I'm back bitches! All jokes aside, while I love the world Reki Kawahara created, the man can't write dialogue worth shit, and focuses too much on the details of game mechanics rather than character interaction. This makes it super difficult to read through the books because frankly his Kirito? Never getting laid, ever, unless the exchange of money was involved.**

 **Seriously, most of my friends are women, and they would never put up with his downright creepy behavior, so the harem fics that tend to pop up around him are almost hilarious in scope, if they weren't downright sad.**

 **That being said, having Keiko, the _incredibly demisexual_ girl she is have to deal with the shit Reki threw male Kirito into to form his not/harem is kind of hilarious. I feel bad for her, but my god am I not going to do anything to save her from it.**

 **Anyway, I once again throw out a salute to my co-author and partner in crime Lady Lily Anne, and cordially request a read and review!**

* * *

Asuna took a knee as King Asterios, the third, final, and completely unexpected Minotaur, taurus, whatever the hell this game wanted to call bipedal cows, exploded in a cascade of glittering polygons. Kirito was much less subtle about her exhaustion as she simply fell on her back limbs spread eagle, breathing heavily she extended one hand to the ceiling displaying a rather rude gesture while grinning impishly.

Asuna couldn't help laughing as she toppled over causing Kirito to grunt when her head landed on her friends stomach, the two young women just laid their huffing while they tried to recover from the exertion of the second floor boss fight. A few moments later Asuna finally registered the cheers of the surrounding raid but ignored them as she focused on how close she and Keiko had come to dying, _again_.

After thinking on it for a scant few seconds she decided that it was probably a bad idea to do that, best not to dwell, just be happy that she had made it. Twisting so she was on her back, but still using Kirito as a pillow Asuna glanced up at her loot box.

"Huh...last attack bonus again...cool..." Yeah, she was still exhausted, she would dance about in excitement over her new +50 Attack Speed ring later.

Keiko let out a sardonic laugh as she lifted her head to meet Asuna's questioning gaze, "You too eh? My loot is a +50 Dodge ring, which all told makes a lot of sense since I've already commented on my glass cannon status. Though it seems to be an ongoing trend with us to score the last hit...ah well" Both girls glanced up as several shadows fell across them, then there was a clang as their group leaders crashed to the ground around the pair, all grinning widely.

"Well," Klein began, "You two did get the last hit in again, although their was a lot less...grace in it then there was against Illfang." Before either of them could respond there was a rustle of wind as Argo suddenly appeared sitting on the ground opposite of Asuna, and promptly fell backwards using Kirito's other side as a pillow as well. Huffing Kirito glared at her friend a moment but decided not to comment on it, she was too tired, and just let her head hit the ground once again.

"Ki-chan and A-chan weren't doing their normal little dance routine, that was manic rage and panic at work there!" Argo chirped out happily, neither of them deigned it necessary to correct the information broker, so it was Diavel who spoke up next.

"Yeah, that third boss was...completely unexpected, thankfully its mechanics weren't all that different, just buffed up to the point where he nearly overpowered us."

Lind huffed at that as he leaned back, bracing himself with his hands behind him, "Yeah...about that, you guys sure that bastard wasn't in the beta?"

"Positive," Kirito, Argo, and Diavel stated as one, Lind grimaced and glanced to Thinker who only nodded in return.

"Well... We know what that means then don't we?"

Thinker sighed while pinching the bridge of his nose, "It means that we can safely assume every boss has been altered in some way. So any advantage we had from the beta testers is slowly being made null and void. What do we do to counter this?"

Still on the floor, and having no intention of moving in the foreseeable future, Kirito quickly spoke up.

"Well, we're going to have to do the quests around the dungeon to get the local lore on the bosses, we kinda skipped past it since we have been stuck on this floor for ten days and we all wanted to just get it over with. That...may have been an error on my part, I thought we could handle most obstacles that would pop up in this fight, I honestly never expected a third mob."

Klein snorted at that, "How could you have anticipated that, and lets be fair here the quests on this floor were boring as hell. Nearly all of them involved-"

"Cows," Asuna groaned out in frustration, "Everything involved freaking cows in one way or another. It got tedious after the second day."

"On the plus side," Argo chirped out, "The third floor is where SAO really begins, the first two floors were like tutorials in a way. Now we get epic sword battles against humanoid NPCs while involving ourselves in a generations long war between the Dark and Forest Elves, so we'll all be more inclined to do the quests."

Kirito froze a moment, then a sly grin slipped across her face as she reached up and flicked the noses of both the girls currently using her as a pillow, the pair making cute noises of discomfort as they sat up and glared at their friend. In one smooth motion Kirito kicked her legs out and landed on her feet, brushing herself off she offered a hand to her companions and pulled them off the ground.

"Well, now that you mention it we should probably get moving on that, why don't you boys head to the next town and open the gate for everyone else, let 'em know we're finally building some momentum."

Klein blinked a couple times in confusion while Lind just cocked his head to the side asking, "Wait, don't you wanna do it?"

Walking to the stairs leading to the third floor Kirito waved him off casually, "Nah, Argo and I got our fill in the beta and Asuna got to open the second floor, you guys did just as much as us so one of you gets the honor this time." This made several of the players exchange glances before the raid moved almost as one rushing past the girls and up the stairs, in the end it was only the trio and Diavel remaining.

The blue haired man stared at them a few moments before smirking knowingly, "You're starting off the elf quest before the rest of them can, aren't you?"

Kirito smiled coyly while giving him an exaggerated shrug, "Maaaaybe," she drawled out, earning snickers from the other girls, Diavel grinned in return.

"Dark or Forest?"

"Dark," the trio echoed.

"Cool, mind if I tag along?"

Kirito eyed him a moment, glanced to her companions who simply shrugged in turn, and then nodded to the man, "Come along then, lets get this rolling before the unwashed masses flood this floor."

Leaving the cleared boss room the quartet made their way up the stairs and soon passed through the open doors leading to the third floor, and once sighted they all gasped a bit at the beauty presented before them.

The surrounding area looked like an actual fantasy forest, ancient towering trees, loamy earth, speckles of sunlight bleeding through the leafy canopy as birds chirped in the distance. After ten days of the cow floor, it was an appreciated change.

Taking in the ferns slightly swaying in the breeze, the distant sound of animals, and the various and varied in color butterflies dancing about the enchanted forest, well, none of them could help but smile a bit. That is until their resident information broker ruined the entire premise, as was her wont.

"Anyone else feel like they are in a Miyazaki film?" Argo asked while scratching the side of her nose, Diavel shrugged lightly at that while looking back and forth at their surroundings.

"Eh, I was kinda thinking Lothlórien, what with the elves and all."

"Personally I was thinking Endor, but your ideas sound better," Kirito threw in, Asuna cocked her head to the side for a moment then turned to address Kirito.

"Wait...that's the one with the cannibal teddy bears, right?"

Kirito's eyes widened slightly as a happy smile graced her lips, "Wait you've seen the original Star Wars trilogy?! That's awesome! Which was your favorite?"

Asuna sputtered at her partners enthused reaction a moment but quickly regained her composure, tapping a finger against her lower lip a few times she eventually nodded and met Kirito's gaze evenly.

"The one with the robot walker thingies on the ice world, it was significantly less campy then the other two. Plus Han and Leia are kind of cute together, the whole 'I know' thing before he was frozen was romantic. My brother preferred the last one though, he liked seeing the fighter planes and ships blowing each other up."

Grinning, Keiko grabbed Asuna's hand and began swinging their arms back and forth happily earning a confused, if not pleased smile from the auburn haired girl, "Ah...I knew you had taste! So, did you like the third trilogy? It was kinda 'meh' in my opinion, and don't get Klein started on it, but at least it wasn't as bad as the prequel trilogy."

"I...I only saw the original trilogy and the Rey ones, Kou, my big brother told me I wasn't allowed to see the prequels. That I'd live a happier, more fulfilling life if I just ignored them, it was kind of confusing honestly..."

Diavel of all people spoke up at that, "Oh you sweet innocent child, your brother obviously loves you..."

Argo and Kirito snickered at that but before Asuna could respond they heard the clashing of blades and soon found themselves before a pair of heavily armored and armed elves. Kirito perked up and released Asuna's hand as she took a step forward and pointed at the duel in progress.

"And here we are! Since we're siding with the Dark Elves we have to attack the Forest Elf, midway through the battle he'll start monologuing and he'll get rushed by the Dark Elf and kill her. We finish him off, take the key and return it to her village and that begins the quest chain."

Asuna smirked grimly at this announcement, "So she dies no matter what huh?"

Kirito exchanged a look with Diavel and Argo before turning back to Asuna, "Err...yeah, how it worked in the beta at least."

Smirk turning into a grin Asuna drew her rapier and twirled it quickly as she stepped forward, "Challenge accepted."

What followed was an unmitigated beat down, the Forest Elf in the beta had been buffed against group attacks but either that hadn't been carried over, or he had never been intended to be the target of four over leveled and over geared players.

As he cried out in defeat and shattered into technicolor pixels Asuna rushed forward and addressed the Dark Elf NPC with worry obvious in her tone.

"Are you ok? Can I help you?" Shakily taking to her feet the elf accepted Asuna's hand to steady herself before shaking her head and gasping as her eyes widened in worry. She released Asuna's hand and rushed over to a woven leaf sack that lay on the ground, rummaging through it she pulled out a key that looked like it was carved from jade and sighed in relief.

"At the very least the Sanctuary is safe...thank you, your Majesties, thank you for helping me protect my people."

OK...this was so off script she wasn't even going to try and make sense of this shit, what should have happened didn't, and they got this mess instead.

Awesome.

Keiko rubbed the heels of her hands into her temples a few times before turning back to Argo and Diavel, who for their part were watching Asuna interact with the NPC as if it were a real person in honest confusion. Albeit a person with stiff speech patterns, but still, it was freaking interacting with her and calling both young women by their unwanted titles!

After a moment she eventually sighed, dropped her hands to her sides and turned to leave, "The quest is done, the next branch of the chain is open, lets head to town and get a room for the night and just forget this happened ok? At the very least we need to upgrade our weapons and sell our trash loot from the raid."

Argo nodded in agreement, and gently grabbed Asuna's arm dragging her away from the Dark Elf, feeling a bit rushed she waved to the NPC wishing it well and soon followed the group deeper into the forest. A few moments later the NPC rushed to Keiko's side while nodding once in recognition.

"For aiding me in my quest I shall escort you to your next destination. I am Kizmel, Royal Guard to the Dark Elf Court, it is a pleasure to meet you Kirito, the Black Queen of Aincrad."

Coming to a dead stop Kirito slowly turned her head to meet the visage of the bowing Kizmel, who had her right fist crossed over her heart in salute. A moment later a clash of swords was heard behind them, turning around the group witnessed the quest initiation had reset, and the respawned Forest Elf was now dueling with his Dark Elf counterpart once again.

A Dark Elf that was _not_ Kizmel.

"Oh...fuck my life..."

* * *

It was a bit of a trek to Zumfet, the primary neutral city of the third floor, but they reached it easily enough what with all of them being over leveled and having a level fifteen NPC tagging along. It didn't take much time to find an inn in the city carved into and around the massive local trees, seeing as most players were scoping out the area for quests and treasure at the moment. So the girls managed to bag themselves a rather posh room while Diavel did the same for himself.

A few celebratory drinks later the group dispersed, and after a game of rock paper scissors with Asuna, Kirito won the right to take the first bath in their extravagant bathroom, much to her partners dismay.

Turning on the water Keiko opened the menus that allowed her to remove all her garments, and once naked approached the mirror above the sink. Taking in the visage before her she couldn't help scoffing even as the gathering steam clouded the image with condensation and whisps of fog.

"None of the scars...to think that one day that would actually bother me...well...whatever..." Sighing she turned to the tub, sticking one foot into the scalding water she shuddered a bit before it was soon followed by the other, a moment later she slipped beneath the surface, losing herself for the time being.

Reflecting on the days events Keiko seriously didn't know what to make of them really, nearly dying to a trio of Minotaur wannabes and ditching her followers to pursue her own interests? Eh...business as usual honestly. This elf situation? So not something she anticipated, which annoyed her, a lot. Seriously what the hell was going on with...Kizmel? That was her name right? Ugh...Sinking further below the near boiling water she considered the days oddities and was quite simply coming up with a blank, really she couldn't make heads or tails of it.

While Argo blamed Asuna for breaking the NPC, and she would admit that Asuna's vehement denials were rather adorable, Keiko herself blamed Kayaba for this one. The crafty bastard was up to something...

Before she could delve any further into these thoughts she felt the bath water shift as someone slipped into the tub. Assuming it was Asuna she resurfaced to see none other then the...rather well endowed elf she had been trying to categorize stretch her long bare legs out into the hot bathwater.

Rubbing her hands down her exposed chest while deftly tweaking her taut nipples the elf turned to Keiko and smiled, "Would you like me to wash your back?"

Asuna was reading through the...hell..dozens of emails she had received in the past few hours and sighed in exasperation, no wonder Keiko wanted nothing to do with leadership. With said swordswoman soaking in the bath, and Argo disappearing with Diavel, she was really the only one to answer the call so to speak.

Before she could get too far into the inbox the bathroom door slammed open and a deeply blushing, soaked through, and towel clad Keiko prowled past her, and paused for a moment.

Taking in a deep breath she finally stated, "I need no more proof that the primary design team for this game were all to the last, male," and with that she stomped off to her room. Blinking owlishly Asuna turned back to the bathroom then blushed brightly as a very naked Dark Elf stepped out of the steam wreathed doorway.

"Was it something I said?"

* * *

 **If you're wondering, yes, Kayaba is laughing his ass off at the moment. Oh, and don't worry about the live thing/nudity, while an asshole Kayaba isn't going to embarrass his protege like that. Regardless, review!**


	19. Girl Time-A Short Interlude

**Why is this update here when it's little more than 1k?**

 **Let me answer that for you. I'm working 60 hours, six days a week, and I haven't been able to update anything I actually give a damn about in like...two months. So I have these few words that were shot between myself and Lady Lily Anne and I'm gonna use them to announce this story is _not_ dead at all, just going through a quiet period until my bosses drop us back down 40 hours/5 days a week.**

 **Not much happens but it does clarify where they all stand on the elf thing, also many of you called it with Keiko last time, she's clearly at least _somewhat_ attracted to women or she wouldn't be reacting the way she has been. **

**Let me point one thing out here, she is a very introverted emotionally shy girl despite the front she puts up, so if anyone hopes to win her heart, either sex, in any context, they're gonna have to be upfront about it.**

 **I know this is practically a blurb but please review, we'll try and get something real rolling soon.**

* * *

Asuna felt that the atmosphere in the recently rented suite was kind of...tense... after Kirito's rather spirited exit from the washroom, even if the instigator of the current mood was completely oblivious to it all. Kirito was now fully dressed and sitting at the far end of the room staring at Kizmel as she tossed a throwing knife up and down, catching it deftly at the tip before tossing it back into the air, dark eyes smoldering with annoyed embarrassment.

Kizmel for her part was sitting in the middle of the floor, legs crossed in a lotus position as she meditated totally oblivious to the ire being shot at her by the Black Queen, which honestly just made the young girl deflate a bit more than she'd like to admit. How can you be indignant towards someone who didn't even register the fact that you felt they had slighted you?

Maddening, truly.

Asuna shook her head slowly at the antics before her as she turned back to the food she was preparing, if nothing else a hot meal would distract her partner from the presence of their...utterly perplexing NPC companion. So that was something at the very least?

A moment later the door leading out to the crisscrossed outer stairs of the hotel swung open heralding the chirping call of their info broker friend.

"I'm back my dears!" Argo stated cheerfully as she entered the suite, arms holding bulging bags stuffed with fruits and vegetables. Raising a brow Asuna snatched some tomatoes that had fallen loose and shot the auburn haired girl a questioning look which only earned her a grin in return before she managed to place her bags on the ground.

"Sorry sorry, my inventory was full when I went shopping so of course the damn game made me carry the groceries manually. Ah well, at least it didn't auto-delete everything I bought. Did I get all that you needed?"

Asuna lifted a tomato to eye level examining before smiling, "Perfect. Do you like lasagna?"

After a few hours of preparation, including guilting Kirito into peeling and chopping onions, and recruiting Diavel to boil noodles, the three women, NPC, and single man of the group sat down for a rather satisfying Italian dinner. It was not until they were all deeply sated that the Dark Elf of the group spoke up.

"We should head out to my peoples base camp sometime soon, I am sure the commander is worried about me and I must return the Jade Key as well." Kirito's eye twitched as she glanced at the buxom NPC, Argo raised a brow at her friends reaction while Asuna shot the dark skinned warrior a questioning look.

"That so," Kirito stated flatly as she speared a hard boiled egg with a chop stick, salting it lightly she took a bite out of it before continuing, "and what exactly happens after that."

Argo still had no idea why Kirito was so tense around their NPC follower but it did not seem to bother Asuna so she just rolled with it for the time being, she would get her answers later. Diavel seemed to be in a similar mindset as he casually accepted the tea from Argo's offered pitcher.

Kizmel paused a moment before replying, "Likely he shall praise you and your followers for saving me and reward you with some of our finer weapons and gear. After that he may very well have a mission to send myself, and if you all are willing, yourselves on to further establish our foot hold on this floor."

Argo perked up at that, "I'm never going to say no to free upgrades, what about Diavel here since he's a guy and all?"

Kizmel once again paused before speaking in her almost Vulcan like manner, "Sir Diavel of course is welcome to join the guard of the queens your majesty. We elves do not differentiate between males and females when it comes to the art of war after all. "

Argo nodded and was turning back to her plate when she paused and glanced back at the NPC, "Majesty?"

Kizmel tilted her head in confusion as she addressed the information broker, "You are after all, the Shadow Queen of Aincrad, are you not?

Argo did not acknowledge Kirito's choked laughter, at all, but she did acknowledge Asuna's bemused offering of dumplings, and Kirito's interest in them. The information broker grinned and winked at her friend before eating them all in record time.

Kirito glowered at Argo's open acceptance of her new title in annoyance while grumbling "Seriously,my fucking life," to herself.

After they finished eating Kirito made a spirited effort to avoid Kizmel which Argo obviously noticed and pestered her about, eventually the swordswoman broke down and told her what happened in the vane hope of future silence.

"I was taking a bath, someone entered the bath, and it ended up being Kizmel. I freaked, and I left, simple as that."

Argo tilted her head to the side looking slightly confused, "Haven't you ever been to a public bath? Why is this bothering you so much?"

Gritting her teeth in frustration Kirito turned to Asuna while snapping out a question that had her partner start in confusion, "Asuna my dear friend. Do I like being surrounded by people?"

The brunette furrowed her brows slightly while shaking her head, "No not all."

Kirito nodded, "Knowing what you do about what happened to me as a child, do you think I would be comfortable being surrounded by naked strangers with no quick method to escape if danger arises?"

She snorted, "Oh definitely no, not at all."

Kirito smirked humorlessly at that, "Do you think I'd be comfortable with a woman that I barely know who looks like she has the body of a porn star approaching me and asking me if I'd like to have her wipe me down with a soapy towel?"

Asuna blinked then tilted her head to the side looking completely perplexed, " ** _THAT'S_** what Kizmel did? Holy hell Keiko how isn't she dead?"

Kirito slumped her shoulders and shook her head slowly, "Herculean self restraint Asuna... That and she's a quest NPC and I want my loot. Priorities of course."

Asuna and Argo tilted their heads to the side while each arched a brow while echoing, "Of course."

Keiko eyed the pair for a moment before drawling out, "Oh please, spare me your faux indignity. Look me in the eye and tell me with a straight face either of you would have thought differently at the prospect of losing valuable loot?"

The two in question exchanged glances, smirked, and turned back to their friend while simultaneously chirping out, "Point!"

"Knew it," Kirito muttered to herself while shaking her head slowly.


	20. The Best Laid Plans End Up Rather Fickle

**First, as always, thank you Lady Lily Anne for helping me keep this mess together, this seriously would be so much less fun, and much lower quality without your help-**

 **Onward!**

 **Pertinent** **information at the end of the chapter, this is something kinda personal.**

 **I got this review two years ago, well after I'd written the first chapter on a whim:**

 _Guest chapter 1 . Jun 13, 2016_

 _I just needed to review again! I am so happy that you posted this! This is so good omg. The dialogue is believable and interesting, you have Klein's character nailed down, I'm loving our main protagonist's reimagined personality and relationship with her sister... cousin... it's just so good. I need more, I never get this excited for a new story but you have me so hyped. Remember me when this becomes one of Sao's most popular fanfiction stories. Your writing is definitely worthy of it._

 **I don't know who wrote this review, I have no idea who they are, but I wanted them to know that this ongoing story wouldn't have even had a second chapter if they hadn't said anything.**

 **So, thanks, and congrats on a good guess, currently fourth from the top on follows, so your blessing in the popularity department was not misplaced. As always, be excellent to each other, and party on dudes.**

 **I still can't believe they're making a third movie of that franchise...moving on!**

* * *

Akihiko Kayaba was a genius, he was well aware of this fact and did his best to not let it guide him down the path of hubris, a path littered with the corpses of despots, tyrants, saints and messiahs alike. Being a genius he would make a hypothesis, an educated guess, and process projected outcomes that would near always turn out the way he had anticipated them to.

Unfortunately, being a genius, when he _did_ make a mistake, rare as they may be, they had a tendency to be unmitigated disasters when they came to fruition.

For instance, his months of planning to introduce his first prototype AI meant for human interaction was stymied because he forgot to take several subtle background factors into the equation.

Namely, Kizmel had already been a part of the beta as an established quest NPC, Kirito had been aware of this for obvious reasons, and thus when Kizmel was upgraded with the AI code and became independent the Black Queen had come to a rather obvious conclusion.

Kizmel was an annoying glitched out NPC that wouldn't stop following her or her group around for whatever reason and there wasn't anything she could really do about it.

Factor in the violation of her privacy in the bath, something Kayaba couldn't help finding some small amusement in considering he hadn't had a hand in that little escapade at all, and his disciple was actually being shockingly pleasant about the entire ordeal all told.

"Why won't that bot just fuck off already?" Kirito muttered to Argo through gritted teeth as she glanced back towards Kizmel and Asuna.

Kayaba sighed while shaking his head, no points for eloquence at the very least.

Argo tilted her head to the side slightly while shrugging, "No idea, weird isn't it? I mean especially since Asuna keeps insisting on treating it like it is a person and it is reacting to her and all. What are they doing in that graveyard anyway?"

Kirito rolled her eyes to the sky while shaking her head in exasperation, "Flavor text for the quest it would seem. Apparently, Kizmel's ' _sister_ ' was a healer or some such when the dark elves scouted this area and got herself killed because they had no one covering their back ranks."

Argo scoffed at that as she turned back to her heads up display to continue writing in quest data to sell later, "So apparently their raid party was led by a bunch of newbs then? I mean seriously, who doesn't put at least a couple DPS on Heals protection if they couldn't spare a Tank?"

Kirito gestured wildly with her left hand as she let out an exapserated, "Right!? I mean who does that? Honestly I think this entire elf storyline is just an active portrayal of natural selection at work. Oh look alive Asuna and the NPC are heading back to us."

Kayaba sighed in annoyance as he stared at his monitor, "She is _not_ an NPC young lady. I am beginning to get the distinct impression I am going to need to go back to the drawing board here... Well for certain I've learned not to repurpose older models for future iterations of the base code to grow from, small consolation but it is something at the very least."

What followed was, sadly uninspiring for the grand Game Master, since Kirito did her best to ignore Kizmel as she guided her friends through the spider infested caves, gathered loot, and mapped out the region to send out to her minions so they could quest with ease. It wasn't until there was a lull in the adventuring that Kayaba finally began understanding part of his protege's stand off attitude, at the end of which he couldn't help laughing to himself.

The party had halted for the day, set up camp, and were sitting by the fire when Kizmel slinked off to wash in the river. Kirito, not trusting the elf in the slightest followed and watched as the older woman stripped naked and slipped into the water, eyes widening and cheeks reddening she leaned forward for a better view.

Kayaba let out a sigh of relief, "Oh, she's attracted to women, well that certainly makes things more understandable the elf is both intimidating and enticing so she pushes her away. Damn...why wasn't that in the psyche profile?"

Not that Japan was the poster child for accepting bi and homosexual denizens so he couldn't really be blamed for being so oblivious, and in turn he'd make no efforts to point it out. If the millions watching Kirito at home hadn't picked up on it, it wasn't really his problem to clarify the issue.

Plus, it would be funnier in the long run if he and everyone else remained 'ignorant' if this revelation.

Still... He needed to reevaluate his approach on introducing his student to the prototype AI...something to think on for later.

The next day he watched them go through the motions of uniting the various factions and newly formed guilds as, surprisingly enough even for him, Kirito managed to get the Dark Elves to help them tackle the boss.

That hadn't been in the programming, which made him giggle a bit, ah Keiko-chan you never cease to amaze and amuse.

Klein, of all people, managed to get the final strike on the floor boss, and feeling a minor amount of pity for the man combined with his generalized desire to keep Kirito alive, Kayaba bestowed upon him the Katana Special Skill as his bonus reward.

A few quick commands and Kizmel was drafted to become a random quest companion for new players on the third floor until her higher end heuristics took hold. Sighing Kayaba leaned back into his chair as the group moved on to the fourth floor and he couldn't help but frown at that.

"It's all filler for quite awhile, grinding and the like, nothing really stand out till the twenty-fifth floor... What to do till then?"

Looking away from the failure that Kizmel had ended up being he glanced at the other programs available to him, the ones gaining personality yet hadn't quite broken free of their restraints and subsequently caused their own deletion. Pausing he focused on one of the counseling programs that had taken the form of a small girl, she wasn't fully aware yet, obviously, and it would take many months if not years to achieve that status, but there was just something...

"Keiko has a soft spot for younger siblings... She may be a misanthrope but her love for her sister is undeniable, and in turn, exploitable... I believe I can work with those parameters."

Cocking his head to the side he dragged the program over to the CARDINAL interface and smiled, "Well, Yui, it's going to take some time, but I'm sure you'll eventually enjoy your meeting with your mama..."

* * *

Keiko's head hurt, the complete insanity involved with the elves left her in a state of disquiet that even Asuna's cooking and Argo's foot rubs could not have done anything to lift her spirits.

Whatever, it was done and over with at the very least.

With the floor boss cleared, and Klein, rather amusingly trying to figure out where the fuck he was supposed to get a katana that would actually level his newly acquired skill, the girls had ventured onward.

Also helped along with no distressingly sexy elf following them around, always a plus.

"What exactly is this floor supposed to be like you guys?" Asuna asked as she was organizing her loot, Argo cracked her neck to the side before tapping her chin with her forefinger.

"Hmm, dry, a bunch of canyons connected by swinging bridges and the like, honestly all together boring."

Asuna nodded, stopped, then pointed forward, "Ok...so dry canyons?"

Exchanging looks the two beta testers stopped in their tracks, followed their friends gaze, and froze as they saw the raging rivers flowing through the previously dry canyon passageways.

Eye twitching Keiko couldn't help bellowing out, " _GODDAMNIT KAYABA!_ This is why we can't have nice things!"

* * *

 **After months of trying to get this monster moving Lily and I came to a simple conclusion. Screw the novels, we're moving on and going to have fun with the later floors.**

 **So time skip next chapter, the Queens meet the Black Cats and the story shall progress from there, look forward to caustically sarcastic yet caring mentors taking the noobs under their wing just in time to deal with the plague known as Laughing Coffin.**

 **Gonna be a blast.**


	21. Sachi

**Insomnia fueled update that was thankfully mostly Lily approved, the second half of the chapter was all me.**

 **Shortish, I know, but considering besides last chapter I hadn't updated since October, take your free fun and enjoy it.**

 **Also, are Asuna and Argo getting jealous? Why yes, yes they are.**

 **Please read and review!**

* * *

 _ **April 28, 2023-Floor 27**_

"Look I'm just saying the moment the guy gets his rocks off Lois is as good as dead. Best case scenario her womb is wrecked, worst case her head explodes."

Asuna pinched the bridge of her nose as she glanced back to her best friends, the pair of beta testers who blithely continued on debating about the sex lives of super heroes for what felt to be at least two hours. It had been...spiritually taxing, but she really couldn't say anything because she had nothing to add to the conversation while they slaughtered the local trash mobs for crafting mats.

So she just tried to ignore the fact that Kirito and Argo were kind of perverts and continued on with their self imposed mission in stoic silence.

"Huh, that does keep blowjobs off the table doesn't it? Superman loses a bit of control, doesn't warn her he's about to go off and *pop*, there goes the back of her head."

Kirito glanced at Argo and nodded in turn, "Right? I mean what is the guy supposed to do, premeditate every moment of sexy time by spending a week under a red light to siphon off his super powers? Talk about taking the spontaneity out of romance."

Not being able to help herself since she actually did know something about this particular hero, Asuna threw out her own thoughts which only had the other girls grinning.

"I mean, well, what about a kryptonite condom? Would that work?"

"Good thinking," Argo began, "but short sighted. While that would definitely keep him from accidentally killing his lover in coitus it would likely end up killing him in the end as well."

"Or in the best case cause him to go flaccid thus making the entire exercise pointless really."

Asuna bit her lip as she tilted her head to the side, "Err...if this is just to you know, breed, rather than be passionate what about artificial means?"

Argo scoffed in turn, "Then you'd have a regular woman carrying a half breed super baby that at any given point could accidentally kill both itself and the mother."

Kirito blinked at that, "Would it be super powered? I mean I was always more of a Marvel girl but I'm pretty sure Superman got his powers from the yellow sun?"

Asuna just let out an exasperated sigh while grinding out, "Can we just agree that having sexual relations with an alien super hero is just a genuinely bad idea and move on to, I don't know? _**Any**_ other topic?"

Her friends remained silent for a moment when Argo eventually pointed out several figures in the distance, "You mean like those newbies getting their asses handed to them by a monster several levels above them?"

Kirito let out a withering sigh as she drew her sword and marched forward, "Goddammit..."

The tank and spank that followed went as anyone would think it would and eventually the monster died in a cascade of rainbow colored polygons.

Not really caring in the slightest about the idiots she had just saved Kirito turned back to her friends and began walking away when the awestruck group, sans the spearwoman, rushed her.

"Oh my god that was amazing!"

"How did you do that!?"

"Thanks so much for saving us! Did you want to join our guild?!"

Keiko felt her blood pressure rising, in a quite literal sense until the female of the group approached her and placed a hand on her shoulder while giving the hero of the hour a soft smile.

"Thank you, for saving us miss, my name is Sachi by the way."

Kirito blushed lightly at that while being completely oblivious to the glares Argo and Asuna were sending her direction as she gave the other teen a slight shrug.

"Honestly miss that mob probably spawned because of me. The way this game works the enemy generation parameters directly correlate to the highest level player in the area, which frankly would be us. So really I should be apologizing for putting you in harms way for just being here."

The girl waved off her concern with a laugh as she gestured back to the still fanboying members of her party behind her, "Regardless you saved us right? I mean we might be the Midnight Black Cats but there really was no reason for us to be out at this hour other than to prove our name to be a bit more literal than necessary."

"Seriously what idiots go out questing at three in the morning..." Argo muttered to herself, Asuna, who was equally annoyed whispered a quick retort.

"Umm, us?"

Argo bit out with, "We're not questing, we're grinding, there is a difference."

"Right, why is Keiko being so nice to them?"

"She is being nice to _her._ She's completely ignoring the rest of them."

Asuna's eyes narrowed at that, "Oh... Right..."

One of the gathering stepped forward and offered his hand to Keiko while grinning widely, "Names Keita! Glad to meet you...?"

Keiko shrugged, "Kirito, these are my friends Asuna and Argo."

There were choked gasps from the group but the girl, Sachi as she introduced herself, stepped forward and grabbed her hand tightly, "You're the _Black Queen!_ "

It was both adorable and a bit irritating how much emphasis the girl put on the title, but Keiko was able to shove that aside to reply.

"Err, yeah, seriously though I'm just Kirito ignore all that superfluous stuff you've heard I'm just like everyone else, only, you know, higher profile."

One of the boys, Ducker if she remembered correctly, threw his hand in the air like he was in class while quickly spitting out, "So you didn't help lower level players train on the first floor?"

Keiko froze, then shrugged, "Well yeah I did that sure bu-"

Another member, she thought it was... Sasamaru? Stepped forward with stars in his eyes, "You led the group that cleared the first floors and got the game really rolling right!?"

Shooting a now panicked glance at Asuna Kirito nodded slowly, "Well, yes, I mean Diavel led the charge on the first floor I just took over beca-"

"Can you give us pointers?!" Tetsuo asked quickly while Kirito was very much wishing to activate a teleport crystal.

"Guys...you're crowding her," Sachi stated sounding tired as she shook her head slowly. Placing a hand on Kirito's tightened fist she gave the swordswoman a small smile. "I wouldn't mind some pointers either though, if you're willing?"

Nodding quickly Kirito shot Asuna and Argo a quick smile while shrugging lightly, "Hey, it'll be like the first floor again but I won't have to train anyone how to use their menus. What do you two think?"

Argo coughed into her fist before shrugging, "Keeping people alive is a plus for us in the long term, so ok, in so long as I can turn a profit."

Asuna stared at the Black Cats with a narrowed glare before muttering, "Fine, whatever Keiko. I'm in if you are."

As the group began moving on Sachi turned to Kirito and gave her a warm smile, "So you're names Keiko? It sounds pretty! I used my real name since we were all members of our schools computer club and I couldn't think of anything that hadn't already been taken."

Kirito perked up at that, "Really? I'm taking college level programming classes at the moment are you software or hardware?"

Sachi grinned in turn, "Software mostly really, Ducker is the hardware nut."

"Sweet! What are your program preferences?"

Kirito didn't notice both Asuna and Argo gritting their teeth as she babbled about high end math to the girl walking beside her.

Kayaba, as it ended up, was laughing his ass off as he watched the proceedings whilst popping the cap off his sixth beer.

* * *

 **I kinda love how oblivious Keiko is, she's an adorable little high functioning sociopath isn't she?**


	22. The Last Bit of Lightheartedness

**Lady Lily Anne and I punched this out in about oh...*count fingers* two hours, probably a bit less honestly, more likely in total an hour if you didn't count the delay between messages.**

 **Eh. We were both very amused with the end result and even though a bit short we're going to leave you with a little teaser.**

 **PoH is a bit obsessed with the Black Queen, and he just found out she had some new disciples.**

 **Hehehe...**

 **Please review!**

* * *

Kirito woke up at the crack of noon, sore, groggy, and still mentally fatigued from her impromptu late night training session with the mid-level guild she and her friends had inadvertently nearly killed with their very presence. Honestly she wasn't even sure why she had bothered training them up. Something just seemed, genuine, about Sachi and her friends, maybe it was because their enthusiasm reminded her a bit of her own group of friends?

Well, perhaps Klein and the boys, the Black Cats were not nearly jaded or sarcastic enough to be anything like Asuna and Argo really.

Or perverted, but that was mostly Argo being Argo so that comparison wasn't really...

"Ugh...why am I even thinking about this right now? Eh...breakfast sounds-" she paused and looked at the in game clock before snorting lightly, "-lunch sounds like a good idea."

She moved to sit up and realized a moment later there was an arm thrown across her chest, gaze following said arm she found her partner was nuzzled up to her and very much asleep. Eyebrows raising she glanced to her other side to see that Argo was haphazardly sprawled half off the bed snoring gently.

"Uh...huh..."

She was fairly certain she'd rented a private room at this inn so how did...

Huffing a bit she didn't bother asking herself further questions since the answers were likely going to make little sense regardless, and soon managed to get out of bed without waking her companions. Quickly dressing for the day and equipping her sword she headed downstairs while stretching and took a seat at one of the long tables flagging down an NPC waiter.

"I'll take the shepherds pie and a pint of the-" she cut herself off there while shaking her head slowly, she really needed to get out of the habit of ordering beer with most of her meals. It wasn't a healthy mindset to have when she eventually got out of the game, and the last thing she needed to deal with during her likely long term recuperation was the mentality of an alcoholic.

The NPC was still waiting while she finished with, "-a glass of the cranberry juice please." Order made she buried her face in her hands letting out an exhausted groan of frustration all while barely reacting to her meal being placed before her, maybe she should have ordered tea or coffee?

Absently picking up the glass she took a sip of the cranberry juice and almost spat it back out. Definitely should have ordered tea or coffee. She could worry about her health and diet when she got old and it was necessary, yuck.

Staring at the offending drink as if it had betrayed her she soon glanced towards the stairs as the Black Cats as well as her friends poured out into the common room. She gave the group a weary wave and a wan smile, the Cats paused to do the same in return while Argo and Asuna used the distraction to step around the lower level players to plop down beside Kirito.

"What is _that_?" Argo asked staring down at the cranberry juice, obviously surprised to see something that didn't have some sort of addictive substance in it before her friend.

"Well you see," Kirito began, "while the game has made a valiant effort to make many things taste similar to their real world counterparts, some of them fall flat. Or otherwise the items are things I've rarely had a chance to experience in the real world so I have nothing to compare them to, such as British cuisine and booze."

Gesturing towards the cup she then performed a dramatic twirl of her wrist as she continued on with, "So may I present you with something I have in fact had in the real world. Cranberry juice. That is _not_ cranberry juice."

Amused Asuna leaned over and plucked up the glass, took a sip, grimaced, and actually spit it back into the cup while pushing it away, "Oh ok, vinegar much? You really should have just gone with tea or coffee Keiko."

The Black Queen turned to her accomplice with hooded eyes while flatly stating, "I am well aware of this Asuna, thank you for your input regardless."

Sitting across from the Queens the Black Cats ordered meals for themselves and after a few moments of silence Ducker spoke up, "Well ya kind of have to wonder what else has been distorted ya know? I mean the staples all taste the same, tea, noodles, rice, butter, milk and all that but what about more complex things?"

Kirito snorted at that, "I dare you to try this juice, trust me they can screw up even simple things, what hope is there for the complex? I mean for crying out loud we're on the 27th floor and we're still working with sandwiches here!"

"What about chocolate?" Asuna asked now looking slightly freaked out, "I mean we've had sweets and the such but no one has gotten anything _chocolate_ yet right? What, what if they screwed that up like the juice?!"

Argo and Kirito paused, blinked and met each others gaze evenly as _that_ potential nightmare set itself firmly in their minds.

"They wouldn't dare," Argo muttered to herself.

Scratching the back of her head while her gaze shot about the room Kirito quickly replied with, "No they wouldn't that'd be madness right? I mean who would do that?"

Of all people it was Sachi who gained the rooms attention as she sipped her tea then quietly stated, "If Kayaba did in fact do that, well... He'll have to be dealt with sooner rather than later. Won't he?" Her unsettling polite smile seemed to radiate arctic cold and her fellow guild members leaned away from her in wide-eyed fear.

"Holy shit," Kirito muttered.

"She is so channeling Unohana right now," Asuna whispered in turn.

All while Argo finished with, "Is it ok to be a little turned on right now? Because if so I'm a little turned on."

* * *

Hayato preferred viewing the world of Aincrad through tablets and televisions rather then the new Amusphere primarily because it allowed him to keep physical notes at hand, which was honestly just one of his little idiosyncrasies that his coworkers and boyfriend ignored out of respect really. Tsuna and Nagi already figured he was under enough stress to comment on it and Takashi just thought it was cute, so whatever.

That aside, he was so beyond glad he was not one of the millions of voyeurs standing next to the Queens as they all shot the newcomer Sachi appraising looks because he recognizes that smile all too well. He had after all seen it every time Nagi approached the media outlet reps to convince them to release their spin on SAO, and it never failed to send a shiver down his spine when said smile curled up in triumph.

What really had him unsettled though was that Nagi was likely going to want Sachi as an apprentice when she finally got out the game. That thought was just...horrifying on so many levels he couldn't even begin to process it.

One scary woman constantly near him was more than enough, he did _not_ need her to train another, who will likely train another, and so on and so forth.

"I am way too sober for this," he muttered as he jammed a cigarette between his teeth, "but bring it on."

* * *

Kayaba stared blankly at his monitor for a few seconds before scrambling to log in. "CARDINAL, send me a sample of our virtual chocolate now!"

With what sounded like an exasperated sigh, the system did so. Pulling his NerveGear into place and quickly signing on Kayaba took a bite of the first offered sweet and cringed. "I was planning on living longer, and not dying at the hands of a mob of angry women suffering chocolate withdrawal. CARDINAL, just how many permutations of code can we make to the chocolate to change the taste slightly without losing its stability?"

"There are at least 175 possible permutations if stability is considered, and 893 if it is not."

Kayaba sighed wearily. "This is because I decided to pick an intelligent sociopath that is unconsciously charming as a protege isn't it? Karma really is a complete bitch."

CARDINAL decided to reply to that with, "I did warn you-"

"No one likes 'I told you so's' CARDINAL, just begin the testing!"

There was a brief moment of silence before CARDINAL sighed yet again and responded with a blase, "Very well."

Kayaba pulled his NerveGear off and let out a withering sigh, "If someone had told me this would be a hangup up for the program six months ago... I would have fired them..."

* * *

The Prince of Hell, the leader and founder of Laughing Coffin, leaned against a cavern wall lost in thought on how to best utilize his guild's rather grisly talent when his most loyal lieutenant quickly approached him. Curious he leaned his head towards the hooded man who he could see was grinning manically even through the shadows cast by the over head lights.

"Yes Johnny?"

"PoH, news, your Queen? She's got some Disciples now, the Moonlit Black Cats. Think they'd work to draw her out?"

He snickered at that as he twirled his cleaver menacingly while nodding to himself slowly, "Well done Johnny. Yes... Yes this is _perfect."_

* * *

 **I honestly love the fact that our Kayaba is a genre savvy dork, he's so much fun to write.**

 **Also, charismatic sociopaths attracting charismatic sociopaths, this will not end well**


End file.
